Masturbate Your Way to Tighter Arms

Dylan,

I had no idea that a banana was an herb. You know what else I didn't know? That two-handed jerking off was a legitimate exercise. I mean, sure it explains why I've got such toned biceps, but it was never a source of pride.

Leave it to the creators of the Shake Weight to take masturbatory maneuvers and turn them into an exercise product. The secret, it would seem, is the art of "dynamic inertia" also known as "very vicious handjob".


In 6 minutes a day, women can jerk their way to better bodies, and rip off their boyfriends' dicks in the process.

Here's to better fitness! (And a special thanks to Brian Schaaf, who sent the link around to the right people at the right time.)

Fruit vs Herb, the story of the Banana

My world was very nearly turned on it's head today by the following statement.


The banana is an herb.


Well like any reasonably skeptical person I said to my friend, "You're a fucking liar!" The ambiguity of a tomato was bad enough but now the bandana thinks it's an herb? I then calmly proceeded to devolve into a sobbing pile of snot. After enough time had passed my skepticism (denial) led me to the internet. Oxford had this to say.

Is the Banana a fruit or an Herb?
Both. A banana (the yellow thing you peel and eat) is undoubtedly a fruit (containing the seeds of the plant: see answer regarding tomatoes), though since commercially grown banana plants are sterile, the seeds are reduced to little specks. However, the banana plant, though it is called a 'banana-tree' in popular usage, is technically regarded as a herbaceous plant (or 'herb'), not a tree, because the stem does not contain true woody tissue.

Well ok, it's a compromise. Apparently the banana is a fruit... but the banana tree is not a tree at all but an herb.

The banana is also apparently super healthy/intoxicating. Banana Benefits

Is THIS what a Throuple is like?

Dylan,

How funny that you should mention throuples. As I think you know, I was in one for a brief time. Besides cementing a really great relationship with my two ex-throuplemates, it also makes for a great cocktail party story, and a guaranteed excuse to drink during "Never Have I Ever."

Let me be frank with you: it worked and it didn't work. Jealousy? Yes. Confusion? Sure. Messy? At times. But also a great learning experience and the support system that was needed by all three of us at the time that it occurred.

But the most important thing me and the boys discovered was that there was a movie coming out about our very predicament! And no, it wasn't Shortbus with that famous Star Spangled Banner rimjob sequence starring now-musician Jay Brannan.

It's this movie called Throuple which is, by its own description:

A gay - themed psychological-thriller from In The Pink Productions.

Coming out of a bad relationship, Shane (James Townsend) finds it too easy to fall for the outgoing David (Juan Luis) after a few drinks and a night of tangled sheets. But, realizing his heart leaped too fast, it isn't long before patience is lost and a chance is given to someone new (Caleb Carter) yet again.

Now, as lives intersect and the philosophies of love are challenged, the three young men find themselves venturing into an emotional world of confusion, heartbreak, jealousy and more... It is always safe to say that three is a crowd!!!

But not even this boring synopsis does the film justice. You all NEED to watch the trailer, which features such important shots as "throuple having dinner" (twice!) and "weird masked potential killing person" and "studly latino licking a large knife."

I wonder if this movie ever came out. Maybe it's on Netflix?

Dawn of the Thruple

Tonight someone told me they were in a Thruple. Like most people I assumed this was some bizarre European game played by only the ridiculously wealthy therefore assuring my inability to recognize it. Well it turns out it is indeed a European import, but has no more to do with a grassy knoll then my ordinary nightly adventures. (The grassy knoll being an unusual but not entirely foreign ingredient.) As defined by the Urban Dictionary.

Thruple:

Three-way relationship. Properly known by polyamorists as a triad. Amusingly referred to by gay men as a thruple.

In a gay thruple, there is twice the sex, but six times the emotional baggage, as the joke goes.









Unfortunately for me, said person who used the term was lying, they however assured me that in Hell's Kitchen the thruple is all the rage. More popular than Gaybies even.

As someone who has so far been denied the coming of age experience of a threesome, foursome, or orgy the nature of a three way relationship is particularly intriguing. I mean the picture above has forcibly led my mind all throughout the physical... opportunities such a scenario might present, but the emotional and practical aspects seem more unpredictable.

In my experience between two people in healthy relationships there is a lot of give and take. Both people mutually support and rely on each other adding their strengths and weaknesses which allows them to experience fulfillment and growth in their lives they would otherwise lack. These relationships seem to be at their best when a sort of co-dependence is formed. It is this dependence on each other that often creates conflict.

I would assume that in order to function a thruple produces a similar but more complicated set of checks and balances. I imagine that it arranges itself like our federal government with each branch working with and competing against the others. Does a thruple even work without three people? (I realize that then it would become a couple) Or does it cease to function when one of it's pillars are removed because the careful balance struck between the three is now two. And for what personal reasons does one enter into such a situation? Are there times when two boyfriends are better able to satisfy one's needs then one? While I'm sure the penchant for drama is high, many polygamists argue that the presence of another person gives fights a moderator. What kind of roles do people take on? How does one enter into a three way relationship? Is it all about timing or could I theoretically go, "I have a boyfriend but your welcome to attempt to convince us it's time to upgrade thic couple into a thruple." or, "Hi, my name is Dylan. I'm currently single, but I'm hoping to settle down with a nice couple soon."

To my knowledge I've only met one person who has ever been in a thruple. (Cough Cough.) What do you think? Is this commitment 2.0 for those who like variety and stability? Have any of you been involved in a thruple? Would you like an excuse to talk about past threesomes? Any imput appreciated.

Mr. Lance Black Goes to Court

Dylan,

So sorry for "outing" you as a go-go boy. Of course, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Lord knows if people spend long enough on my YouTube channel or Vimeo channel, they will find a ton of videos of you there.

And why shouldn't they? You're a good looking guy. I mean, if you didn't think so - would you be a go-go boy?

The best part is you can show these videos shamelessly. It makes you quite unlike other celebrities who may or may not be currently embroiled in a lawsuit over photos of them and an ex engaged in bareback sex that got leaked on the Internet.

You know, like our buddy Dustin Lance Black.

I came down HARD on Mr. Black a few months ago when the photos of his activities first came out. Namely because he was a moron. If you ever plan to be famous, do NOT allow yourself to be photographed or videotaped while making the beast with two (or three, or five...) backs.

I don't care what reason you think it's a good idea. You never know when you'll end up sleeping with a guy like the douchebag who found Michael Phelps at a party smoking weed and, instead of partying with him, took a pic and got him in deep shit.

And speaking of Mr. Black, in case the lot of you aren't up to date, Queerty reports that he is now suing his bitchy ex. This of course, is understandable, it IS a violation of privacy. But, as Queerty also reports, some of the claims Dustin makes are absurd.

For instance:

I mean, I don't know about all of you, but I had just about forgotten this whole Lance Black business. I'm too busy wondering if Barack Obama might actually raise taxes on me and my Middle Classmates. And how Mama Jacko will be treating Blanket, Prince and Paris.

So why (WHY?) would he bring this back out again? It's just going to make us remember the whole story. And then make us look at his claiming he didn't know he was having photos taken of him (because, you know, when I am getting it on and someone whips out a camera, I assume it's just because they're checking light levels for shits and giggles).

Dumb. Dumb dumb dumb.

Nevertheless, I look forward to see where this may go.

xoJR

The Post in Which I Say Hello and Stare at Adam Lambert's Crotch

Hello Everyone!

Thank you Justin for making sure everyone knows about my liberal evening activities. During the day however I'm a straight-laced, prim and properly conservative, reserved student of theatre at NYU Tisch in CAP21. Basically my life consists dancing around naked at night, or rolling around on the floor doing liptrills with breaks to do yoga and mutter repeatedly to myself on the street. "Do not think so, you shall not find it so" or "tear the reckoning from his heart" It's best when you get really involved in the words to find one of three things happen. Either you have a small crowd of strangers staring, tourists try to take pictures of you, or you suddenly find that no one is in your way and you've been given a 5 foot radius of personal space. The last I sometimes apply as a tactic to move through the streets of NY when I'm late.


But now to the point. Was anyone able to look away from Adam Lamberts belt buckle? I find I'm drawn to it unable to watch anything else. Is it because it seems to just barely hold Adam's fly from bursting? Or perhaps because it looks like an Uber Gay Auryn from The Neverending Story? Do we look because perhaps, like the Auryn, Adam's Lambert's crotch when examined closely may grant our wishes?

Glambert Gets Sexy

Now that he's officially out of the closet (with a press release cementing his status), apparently Mr. Adam Lambert is flaming up the American Idol national tour. Seriously, check out this performance of David Bowie's Fame.

Sweet Jesus, Adam! If you had pulled this out during the contest, you may have won after all. Who knew that all of that sexual effervescence was just sitting there, under the surface, waiting to bubble over?

Get it girl!

xoJR

Meet Dylan Henley!

Good morning readers and welcome to another jampacked week of total fun on Justin Plus One.

This week I am excited to introduce you to a colleague of mine. Well, not a day time colleague. No, Dylan here works with me at night. Okay that sounds like we're whores (no comments from the peanut gallery).

But maybe you recognize Dylan dancing in a number of the videos I've posted on YouTube (including ones that got me kicked off the site for two weeks... frigging puritans.) Anyway, while Dylan is a dancer by evening, he's a smart fella and a charming dude to boot by day.

I once told Dylan that we needed to meet and hang out over coffee sometime because I've never been with him anywhere that wasn't flooded with a throbbing bass and where he wasn't just in his underwear.

Perhaps this Plus One-ship will be the beginning of an off-the-scene friendship.

xoJR



My Name:
Dylan

My Location:
Usually Manhattan, Sometimes I wake up to find myself in California, on a really bad day I wonder if I’m in Philidelphia.

My Site/ Sites:
LunarApollo

What I might post about:
SEXy medieval literature.

What I love:
Theatre, Music, Musical Theater, Books, Animals, Mucinex.

What I hate:
The use of improper personal pronouns.

My Last Word:
I was told that in this space I could inform you that I am an alien resembling Kevin Bacon seeking to melt your brain through Hulu. Fortunately for us all this is not the case as Kevin Bacon is a pretty scary guy. It’s a little unnerving to only be four degrees away. Also if anyone can name what piece of theatre I reference in this post…. well they may flaunt their brilliance.

So I guess we're ranting...

To continue on the topic of rants... I'd like to address a point I've been thinking about lately. It's a simple word, with a very complicated definition and an even more complicated requirement of he or she who chooses to strive for it. It is a word we hear many days of our lives, but probably rarely achieve due to human instincts and the way we as people deal with other people. It's my favorite word, and yet it's my least favorite word. What is it?

That word is: maturity.


I feel that although people may be very mature in a professional situation or while in the public's eye, people as a whole are not very mature when it comes to dealing with other people. For example, how many games of "he said that she said that you said that your mom said that your sister's dog-sitter said that Julie said that Timmy said that...etc etc" can one play before you get tired of it?

With that, I suggest taking a look at this link, which I read through just now.

Maturity!!

Good right?

I find that as I grow older I too fall subject to silly games and immature ways to deal with situations. And yes, I for one am a selfish human being who thinks about himself before others most days of the week and most hours of the day. However, who among us does not do so?

If I happened upon a wishing well, I'd say my only wish would be that people could approach one another with respect, maturity, and face problems they have head-on instead of all the silly side-winding they normally do just to get someone's goat. It gets old, if you ask me. I'm striving to be more mature in the ways I deal with other people and situations I find myself in. I hope it's working, but I guess it's hard to tell since I'm on the inside?

I know we all wanna be a Toys'R'Us kid, but I think we're allowed to stay a child at heart as long as the adult in us gets to take first priority when necessary.

MTA Rant #3,000

I know it's easy to rant about the Metropolitan Transit Authority. That doesn't mean I'll refrain from doing just that.

This morning I sat (well, I wish sat... since the subways are so effing crowded, I STOOD) for 25 minutes in my unmoving 5 "express" train. Why? Well, according to the conductor, who mumbled through a staticky speaker, this was all thanks to a "sick passenger at Brooklyn Bridge."

Really? Because I know that MTA conductors like to lie a lot. As does the MTA. They've lied and said they had no money, while secreting away a second set of books. The conductor sometimes assuages our fears about not getting into packed train because "another train is right behind this one," only to pull away with no following train in sight.

And, plus, we were in the station for TWENTY FIVE MINUTES. Why? What was that sick passenger doing? Projectile vomiting and doing a rain dance on the tracks in front of another train? Was he stuck halfway out a window? Did his sickness make him eat the train's brake pedal?

It is for this reason that I think sometimes the MTA mixes up there excuses. We riders wouldn't like to hear "we are stopped because of train traffic ahead of us," every day (which we basically do). So instead they hope to wring some pity from our stone hearts for a fabricated sick passenger. We imagine a heart attack. Children at home. We feel bad. Meanwhile, what's really happening is some guy in another station fell asleep at the wheel.

Assholes.

Oh, and don't forget that they just raised our fares while axing service. Because, you know, the MTA was so awesome to begin with.

Growl.

xoJR

Movin' on up!

Or at least just movin'... The fantastic news of today is that at long, long last my best friend and I FINALLY found a new place. Not only that, but we found a pretty kickin' multi-level-townhouse-like-structure that we're gonna move into with two other guys (I haven't met them yet, but I don't care, haha).

But all that aside, who's got a soft-spot or a specific type of hairstyle? I know that's an odd part of the human body to focus on in terms of attraction, but I find hairstyles to be a big deal when it comes to initial attraction to someone I see at a club, bar, party, running in the park, or sitting under a tree, etc.

So now let's do some show and tell... These are a few of my "soft-spots" when it comes to hair... I give you, my top 3!





Number 1 - the emo swoosh, as I call it... Yes, call me cliche, but I have a soft-spot for the emo look... I can't explain why, and I've tried to cut it from my diet, but there it stays...
Number 2 - spikey-ish... Neat, tidy, with a touch of mess. Just how I like it.
Number 3 - curly but short. Dunno why but this does it for me too. Maybe it's the ability to grab onto it? Maybe it's the ability to mess it up but have it stay exactly as is? Who knows.

So share some of your favs, or agree and disagree with mine. Could be fun to debate!

Harry Potter, strings, and emotions

So I finally got to see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Now, I'm not the type of person who's read all the books and knows the different books by heart, but needless to say I already knew the plot before seeing it because people can't keep their mouth shut...

Still, I really enjoyed it, and it surprised me with its ability to pull real emotions out of me. I guess I expect movies to not really strike any strong emotions with me nowadays because it's been so long since I've teared up, laughed out loud, or (even rarer) screamed during a movie.

NOTE: If you haven't seen HP yet, don't read on because I'm about to discuss a part of the ending of the film. Spoiler alert! Spoiler alert!!

However, the part of the film after Dumbledore's assassination where the students and faculty all raise their wands together really made me tear up. I think it's because of the beautiful shot of the students all together. Something about unity always gets to me. On top of that, being a composer I'm always drawn to the music choices the composer of a movie score makes. During this scene your ears are swarmed by warm, growing, morphing strings.

Which brings me to this... Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings is a piece that has always been really close to me, and the HP score reminded me of it at that point in the movie, as well as the very final scene. So here's the Adagio. If you haven't ever heard it, I encourage you to close your eyes, sit back and just listen to this entire piece. If you have heard it, I encourage you to do the same anyway :)

Enjoy!

Killer Tan!

Jon,

You win some, you lose some.

While planning how to find and obtain the Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms Jon blogged about earlier, I came across a scary story on the news.

While blue M&Ms may fix your spine (and turn you temporarily blue), it turns out that tanning beds will kill you with cancer. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

In London, a new study raised the cancer classification on those magical booths of instant brownness, putting them in the same category as arsenic, cigarettes, and old lace.

A new scientific analysis has upgraded tanning beds' cancer risk from a likely cause to a definite cause of the disease.

The report, by experts at the International Agency for Research on Cancer, the cancer arm of the World Health Organization, changes the category for tanning beds and other sources of ultraviolet radiation. It concludes skin cancer risk increases 75 percent for those who used tanning beds before the age of 30.

Lichtenfeld emphasized that the study says there is no safe use of tanning beds. "This study says UVA causes skin cancer," Lichtenfeld said. "It's a Class One carcinogen. This causes cancer. Period. End of statement."

Well doesn't that just suck? You see, I am no fan of lying around. Needless to say, the prospect of lying on a beach towel for hours at a time, rotating myself like a chicken on a spit, is anything but attractive. I need to move! To be productive! Naturally, a tanning bed was the ideal solution - I popped in to one of the stand-up devices and danced to club music for ten minutes and left a nice carcinogenic brown.

Of course, I'm also a packish-a-day smoker. So, you know, clearly I don't heed the warning of scientists.

I guess it's a moot point, as I haven't seen the inside of a Hollywood Tans since last summer at least, if not earlier. This is more of a warning for the lot of you who indulge in a little toasty roast between layout sessions.

Perhaps you should reconsider. Just munch on some blue M&Ms instead.

xoJR

The Fountain of Youth?

Justin --

That info about the blue M&Ms was TOTALLY on a news page online that I read yesterday,which is odd because I don't normally sit and read news on the computer. To continue the M&M trend,I can't help but point out two new M&M bags I've seen trying to infiltrate the candy sections of most delis in Manhattan...

Ready for this?




Yes, Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms and Coconut M&Ms... I'm not sure how I feel about this yet, but I was willing to give them a shot. Tragically, the strawberry PB ones that I ate were only satisfying because I enjoyed the color of the M&Ms.

And on that note, off to a meeting! Till later....

Actually, maybe it's the blue ones...

Jon,

When you went shopping last night, I hope you went ahead and picked up one of those large sacks of M&Ms. Because there's about to be a run on them.

In case you all didn't hear, scientists have discovered that blue M&Ms can reduce spinal injuries. Well, not the M&Ms of course, but, rather, the dye that makes them that pretty, pretty blue. Totally random, but hey, I love excuses to eat more candy.

Perhaps they should start packaging sacks of just blue M&Ms and send them out to rehabilitation centers? I mean, I can't help it, they've got my marketing mind on overdrive. They should certainly get the news out. Not just because people will eat them, but because it's a cute angle they can use.

I mean, it's been a while since they even bothered talking about blue M&Ms.



Since that old commercial, all they've told us is that the green ones make you horny.



Now all they have to do is prove that Reese's Peanut Butter cures cancer and I'll be set!

Oh, and PS: the one side effect of the blue dye is that it might turn you blue. Which is kind of cool too, I think.


xoJR

Lack of sleep + rehearsal + awkward notes = shopping trip

Justin,

Loving that video. Makes me kinda wanna do that myself for songs that have crazy music videos. But I'm lazy so I probably won't :-)

I just got out of a very long rehearsal for some short musicals at NYU I'm directing the music for, and through most of them I just sorta stared blankly at the pages of music pretending I could actually focus. I did find this awkward note left on the piano thought. Hopefully not meant for me, but I thought people may enjoy this...



It reads: "This is my card. I shyly pass it on to men because I have low self-esteem, no personality and not pretty enough to bag a dude on my own. I like you and hope that you like me. But it's highly unlikely (over-->) Call me... PLEASE."

And is signed: Homely in Harlem.

Kinda sweet, kinda sad, but all in all I'd say it's kinda a failed attempt to get someone's attention. There's no phone number, either. And besides, clearly the note was left behind by whoever it was intended for.

On that note, I'm off to shop; something I haven't done in a while. Any suggestions of great places to go where I can spend not-so-much money but get the best results and quantities?

It's be oh so lovely to get some new stores to hit up besides my usual places...

Tears for Fears gets in on the act

Jon,

I have seen that video of Total Eclipse of the Heart before, and yes - I do wish that some of these silly music videos were more literal with their lyrics when putting them over their imagery.

Plus One Alum of just two weeks ago, Kristin, tweeted me back this morning with the original video that kicked off this "literal interpretation" fad on YouTube.

It is the Tears for Fears video of Head Over Heels. Even more hilarious, I'd say.

Check it out!

Short and sweet...

So I woke up about an hour late, and I have to run out the door to catch a cab to get to a rehearsal for some 15-minute musicals I'm directing today and tomorrow, BUTTTTT here's something I stumbled upon as I fell asleep last night and I cannot help but share it... And I PROMISE not all of my posts will include YouTube.




I love that song, and while some of the lyrics in that aren't really that funny, on the whole you have to admit that's pretty damn funny. At least I think so...

Until later!

Continuing the food topic, as well as theater...

So I was just reminded of this old commercial. Okay, I was reminded of it by my own memory, but I was reminded because of a normal Quizno's commercial on tv. I suddenly burst out to my friends Arielle and Nathan that we should youtube the old commercial... Let's take a look, alright?




So here are my qualms with this... First of all, who wrote that "song" (if it can even be called a song). Let's call it a jingle. The lyrics are awkward, there's no melody that I can find, and there's two creepy puppets with crazy eyes. One is playing a guitar with a pirate hat... The other screeches out the advertisement. Now, yes it's effective because it made me remember Quizno's for the rest of my life. However, sometimes I remember it because of a nightmare or other awkward encounter with creepy puppets (which happens more often then you'd think).

Second, I want to know what the writers were dropping while they wrote that. Also, I'd like to know where it can be purchased. Jk, I don't do those things. But I do enjoy boxed wine on a Monday night with friends while watching the finale of the Bachelorette.

Feel free to discuss that show in a comment if you feel so inclined!

Sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bit. Unless you're into that, then by all means let them bite...

I love Marty Thomas

Welcome, Jon!

Your first post made me wonder - who the FUCK orders Domino's pizza in New York City? Well, I guess a lot of people do because I see them everywhere.

But, I mean... wouldn't that be like ordering Taco Bell in Mexico? Or Steak-Ums in Philly? Or Boston Market in Boston?

Plus they have those horrifyingly new Bread Bowl Pastas (now with more carbs... so so many more carbs...) which apparently don't look half as good as their ads make them seem.

But one thing you did write about gave me an idea to riff on, and that is your tie-in to the musical theater. Which we all know I adore. One week ago I was lucky to catch one of my fave Broadway boys at Musical Mondays. He goes by the name of Marty Thomas.

You may remember Marty from Xanadu. Or Wicked. Or Mr. Broadway. He also beat Britney Spears in Star Search. He's also totally awesome.

Funniest tidbit of info? When I was in LA and found my way to THEIR version of Musical Mondays... guess who was performing? Fuckin' Marty Thomas, that's who.

Anyway, instead of telling you how awesome Marty is, I'll let him show you himself.

Check out these two numbers I taped from last Monday!


Don't Rain On My Parade / Single Ladies


And I'm Tellin' You

A little about me and what's on my mind on July 27th...

Hey everyone! I'm so excited to be a part of Justin's blog this week. He asked me weeks and weeks ago if I'd ever want to do this, and I happily agreed and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited... And near the end of this past week I jokingly said, "Are you ever gonna use me as your Plus One? Psh...." and he replied, "How about next week?" So here I am!

A little about me without boring you... I'm from Central New York (yes there are other parts of NY besides NYC and the surrounding areas). I spent 22 years in Syracuse looking forward to outings to Applebees with friends, driving to Taco Bell at 1am for no reason at all with my former roommate, breaking small laws because you'd never get caught up there, and waiting for the day I could move down here.

You see, I'm a writer, but I write for a very specific genre. I'm a songwriter, aimed towards musical theatre (although I've written outside that genre many times as well). Yes, before Elphaba could defy gravity, and before Tony met Maria, and before Christine got taken down to the Phantom's lair someone or a team of someones had to write it! I started writing by mistake back in 6th grade, and it just grew and grew ever since until it became so much a part of my life that I figured I'd rather be struggling to decide how to afford lunch the next day while writing and living in NYC than to do something else and be financially stable 24/7. Let's face it, when you're in a field like musical theatre writing you're not exactly getting handed a paycheck every Friday before the weekend...

But enough about that, because I have to discuss something I've been thinking about for the past hour: pizza. I find it amazing that we no longer have to even call a pizza place, like Domino's, to order. We can simply log into our account (don't deny it, you know you have a username at dominos.com), fill out our order, and charge it right to our credit card or debit card, and never have to fill out any information besides what we'd like delivered THIS time. Not only that, but now Domino's has the pizza tracker, so I can sit here and watch the steps being taken to create my order... And what's interesting about that is that I watch it and wait for it to fill up. It's all so personal too now. Marjina made my pizza this afternoon (That's the "prep" step). Then she put it in the oven (that's the "bake' step!). Then my pizza changed hands, and Alamgir put it in the box ("box" step!!!) and finally he delivered it ("deliver" step). And guys, apparently Alamgir is a "delivery expert." At least according to the news feed on Domino's pizza tracker...

So long for now. I'm off to enjoy my pizza and see if there are any reruns of CSI: Miami or Law and Order SVU on tv... and debate whether or not to turn up the AC a little more. This couch is kinda sticky...

Meet Jon Balcourt!

After a weekend of getting my entire body sunburned in a straight area of Fire Island (I didn't even know those existed!... sunburns OR straight areas), and watching my father eat a pot cookie, I am happy to be back in my day job and icing my flesh back to its pallid color (and re-forgetting that my father is a former hippy who doesn't care for the "former" part).

Allow me to welcome you all back to Justin Plus One, as well as to welcome yet ANOTHER Justin Plus One virgin. If this were Rocky Horror, you'd throw undies at him. Since this is on the Internet, feel free to leave links to photos of your undies.

Ladies and gents, I met this fella, Jon Balcourt about six months ago. He's fun. He's funny. And I make fun of him all the time via IM and text and yet still he speaks to me. AKA: I adore him, and know you will too.

Welcome, Jon!

My Name:
Jon Balcourt

My Location:
New York!

My Site/ Sites:
www.jonbalcourt.net (eek but it sucks right now)

What I might post about:
theater, moving and apartment hunting, crazy experiences on subways/public places (they seem to follow me...), random internet finds, I dunno, I can post about a LOT of things...

What I love:
good times with good people, iced carmel macchiatos (macchiati?), music, theater, going out, having to remember the previous night via facebook pictures that get tagged the next afternoon

What I hate:
fake people, tasteless rap music, rain (when i'm caught in it w/o an umbrella),

My Last Word:
I'm a capricorn. I enjoy long walks on the beach. That's cliché, but I do. I'm not registered to either party, mostly because I don't believe completely in what either party stands for strongly enough to choose sides. I'm happy being in the middle with my own values and beliefs.

Great Gifts For Any Occasion

Hello Everyone,

It's come to the end of my week here on JunstinPlusOne. Please excuse my absence yesterday, I've had the eventful weekend of flying home to CA for my parents 25th wedding anniversary.

I'd like to do two things before I hand the baton to next week's plus one: the first is to say that I had a great time and thanks to Justin and everybody who stopped by to read. And secondly I'll leave you with one last link/product endorsement.

The website is Blurb.com, I'm sure many of you know it already. What blurb does is provide you with software to lay out your very own text based or photo based book, then will print a very professional looking copy for an extremely reasonable price. Book prices begin anywhere betweeen $5 and $55 dollars based on the size, amount of images. The website itself creates a very interesting community of book lovers, as the staff posts their favorites that they've seen go through the system and amateur photographers can actually design their own books and have them for sale on the site.

While this could be a great start for an amateur photographer, I'll admit that it is a little strange that people leave their wedding photos and father's day gifts up for sale! but, we're living in the culture of no privacy, and maybe these couples are pleased that somewhere in America their faces could gracing the coffee table of a family they've never met. Check it out- what better gift than a beautiful personalized book. Great for a landmark anniversary... :)

Congratulations to my parents; and congratulations to John and Tina Brown (see below). Thank you for having me. Joe out.

The greatest wedding walk of all time

I always said I wasn't interested in getting married (the fact that every god-fearing crazy is willing to blow themselves up to stop me certainly has helped this decision.)

But you know what? If my husband-to-be was down with choreographing a fucking rocking hardcore wedding party church entrance like this...

well...

I might consider settling down and doing it up, matching suits and sunglasses style.

Special thanks to co-worker Nadia for sharing the mid-work-day pick-me-up!



Now if only Kevin had proposed to Jill with an amazingly magical Disney World wedding proposal like this:

There's Nothing Funny About a Big Inflatable Phallus

So I'd like to start out by saying that I love Crooks and Liars! it's always worth while to see conservatives make fools of themselves on video, but just as fun is people impersonating conservatives. Who has ever heard the The Yes Men?

Who they are is a duo of pranksters that serially impersonate leaders of corporations or the WTO who then are invited to conventions or onto news programs to speak. one of the ways they managed this was by setting up a fake website that somewhat resembles the WTO's actual website. People stumble across the website, contact the "WTO" for a representative and one of these two dudes puts on a suit, goes to a conference and represents the World Trade Organization.

They have a few documentaries, including a new one coming out called The Yes Men Fix The World, which I highly recomend watching. The best part of these videos is that you watch them saying this really, crazy outrageous stuff and nobody ever stops to ask: wait are you really from the WTO? They're wearing a suit and they look the part. One of my favorite hijinks of this type is when they infiltrated the Fabrics of the Future conference at Tampere Technical University in Finland, pictured here.

I think this stunt and the "ReBurger" stunt (only for the strong stomached) are quite funny. But at times their stunts can be very sad. The major example, and the anchor prank for the newest documentary is the impersonation of a Dow Chemical executive on the BBC news explaining how after 18 years Dow Chemical was going to take full responsibility poison gas leak that spelled disaster in Bhopal, India. He promised Dow was going to give the affected population clean water and pay for the site to be cleaned up, when of course...it wasn't. In the 23 minutes after the interview Dow's stock plummetted a billion dollars. Here's the trailer for their new documentary:

Preaching to a Choir of Me

While Joe spends a lot of his time on Free Rice or Text Twist or NPR, I just re-discovered today a web site that I could spend decades on. And that website is Crooks and Liars. As many know, I am by all rights and means a bleeding heart liberal.

I mean, sure, I hate paying taxes. But I'm still pretty much hardcore for all of what the Democrats stand for.

And if you are like me, you revel in watching people expose the GOP for the band of Looney Tunes and batshit crazy people that they are. Well, you need to spend some time over at Crooks and Liars. It often seems to me that the Republicans get the last word. Some crazy jumps up and tells us that

Obama isn't a legitimate American.

or that

Bill O' Reilly thinks government employees will be memorizing our private health records and Dick Morris says a public health option will KILL US.

or that

A soldier captured by the Taliban deserves to die.

And just as I feel the crazy can't get any thicker and my head is about to turn into a boot, I turn to Crooks and Liars. It's fun to watch the crazies get zinged, defeated, and even embarrassed.

Much like this great clip of comedian Tom Arnold making Sean Hannity look like a fucking moron.

When everything seems to be nuts, it's good to see intelligence and truth find its way through the clutter. And at Crooks and Liars, I get to see that a number of times a day, often with video footage.

So if you're like me, and you get a bit too invested in this vicious back and forthing between crazies... take a trip over to Crooks and Liars and have a good laugh at the expense of idiotic politicians who should have never been elected to begin with.

Because you know that if you don't laugh, you'll probably end up crying.

xoJR

He's A Swan Bot Twirl

I'm going to try my best to get us off the topic of death before it becomes goth-week here at JustinPlusOne, but let me first point out that whoever the unlucky sap is that gets stuck managing Justin's digital life after his death has it WAY harder then the person who will inherit mine. Whoever my executor ends up being, will probably update my facebook more often than I do- (they'll definitely post more pictures!).

This is not to say that I don't go onto the internet. I just have different uses/obsessions. Instead of flipping around on the facebook I am actually more likely to spend "bored time" on yahoo games playing Text Twist, since deciphering 6 letter anagrams can kill half an hour startlingly easy. OR, equally as addictive and possibly more rewarding is FreeRice.com. For every question you answer correctly FreeRice donates 10 grains of rice to the UN World Food Program (helping to end world hunger!). It is very much like that vocabulary-rice thing that was circulating on the facebook, but in addition to vocab they have Geography and Art History! Who can name the highlighted country to the right? Who can name the artist for the painting below? (Answers are in anagram form as the title of this post.)

The most intense of all is my my love of podcasts. Oh My God. Everyday an unrealistic number of podcasts are delivered to my Itunes library. So many that it's actually nearing 24 hours of playtime. Among them are 3 dedicated to learning Spanish; 2 to learning Italian; 2 to learning photoshop; 5 that together make up "the NPR Suite;" 4 that fall under under general Vocab/trivia; and about 11 more that range from drawing instruction to financial advice. Do I listen to these? Sort of. Some of them. No.

I yet can't let them go. My single favorite thing about technology is it's ability to drown people in their interests. I just can't get over that all of this is delivered to me for free each morning. All I need is for the knowledge to somehow osmos into my brain without any active participation. My big question for the world: Everyone does this right? all of you have 1000+ unread articles in your GoogleReaders, don't you?

Death in the Internet Age

Allow me to take Joe's last post on dead and dying celebrities and shuffle it along to a broader concern: death in relation to the Internet.

My friend Paul likes to make light of my dying before him. I ask him if he'll inform my loved ones if he's the first to find out, and he says "sure, once I've gotten to your apartment and taken your TV and PS3."

He's a smart guy. I'd do the same with his stuff if I didn't already own a Wii, or if I wanted the entire series of Sex and the City on DVD.

But, aside from our earthly possessions... what about the Web? Right now, most of us are accustomed to our older relations dying. These grandparents, aunts and uncles (at least til recently) didn't have online accounts, assuming they even knew how or had care to go on the Internet. But every once in a while when we are shocked by the death of someone in our age group, spooky things happen.

Facebook and MySpaces become eerie digital memorials - with comments and wall posts being left in lieu of flowers. Their photos remain and if you look at their activity, you can see the last thing they did.

What will become of us once we meet our maker? Right now there is no single, unifying block that connects to all of our digital possessions. There's no way that someone, unless they get to googling, will find all of my many online profiles and memberships. You might get my Facebook and Dlist, but what about my 12seconds and my Linkedin? Or whatever sites I became a member of because they had message boards filled with free porn?

What about my Amazon wish list? My xtube points bank? My newsletter subscriptions and numerous email accounts?

Will they just lie there and collect weeds like a .com gravestone?

In the future, as we start dying off, will we need to put into our wills our YouTube content? Who will operate my channel and watch over my go-go boy videos? Who will take over my Twitter? Will they at least tweet "here tweeted Justin?"

And, as the Internet continues to grab up more of our lives and memories, this problem or challenge will only get deeper and more complex. Online health records. Blogs. Characters in online games. Hosting positions on video and podcasts.

And how will we honor someone who dies on the internet? Will there be a Graveyard.com with memorial profile pages? Allow people to post their memories of photos and do mashup videos through vimeo and youtube? Will whole funerals exist online via webcast and livestreaming, due to the fact that some our closest friends will be at all points around the world?

In the end, it seems as though technology, while making our lives simpler, may also be making our deaths far more of an inconvenience.

Celebrity Death Toll

Not having a TV myself, I was fortunate last night to catch the Daily Show at a friend's house. Brian Williams had come on to gab with Mr. Stewart (apparently it was a record breaking number of visits. 14? anybody know?) and it was a rollicking good time. Somewhere amidst the laughs they managed to pay respects to the late Walter Cronkite. Not surprisingly Williams talked about Cronkite as an inspiration in his own life.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Brian Williams
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Joke of the Day

I remember that the day he passed away people were stressing the fact that another person has died. oh my gosh. another. And back when Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett each passed I heard people around the office saying: well, they die in threes. It wasn't long before I was hearing: well, they die in sevens.

The sad truth is that our society will need to get ued to people dying. Maybe our loved celebrities are passing in groups of 3's and 7's for now, but they are going to end up passing 365's. I think the simple reason for this is that we know and recognize so many more people that we used to. We've been in the information age for multiple decades, I would love to actually research this and see how many nationally recognizable personalities 2009 has compared to 1969, whether they are performers, politicians, or activists.

And oh my goodness, what about Youtube? I mean if MirandaSings passed away wouldn't you tell everyone you know? In my mind I'm now having comic flashes of people mourning everything that ever happened on Youtube.

A: Did you ever see "snake eats hippo" on youtube?
B: Um... yeah I might have.
A: Well that snake died today.
B: Oh no! how sad.
A: I know it's horrible.
B: Well, they do die in 3's.

I'm certainly not trying to make light of Mr. Cronkite's passing, or anyone else's. It's always sad to lose someone who gave a lot to the world. But we've set ourselves up with enough names and faces that aif anybody is watching for the next person to die in order to start grouping them, well... somewhere someone recognizable is kicking it.

Mickey and Elmo's Smoke Break

Joe's previous post featuring Star Wars soldiers and Hello Kitty making a phone call on a public telephone inspired me to go digging back into my Facebook mobile posts to unearth this jewel. I came upon this true Times Square moment last year and had to snap a photo.


Because there is so much wrong with it. Go figure that it is my most commented on photo in my Facebook history. Apparently some friends still use it as their computer backdrop. Who wouldn't? These characters clearly aren't official... because I doubt either the Children's Television Workshop, or Disney, would approve of their creations having a smoke break, let alone co-existing in the same photo.

A true rarity. It should be worth money. Maybe I'll put it on Ebay.

It also reminds me of a recent time I was in Times Square, stopping at Starbucks for much-needed caffeine prior to a crazy Saturday night out. Standing in front of me was a man half-out of his unofficial Spiderman costume. It was there that I noticed he was wearing a g-string; yes, his ass was on full view through the venomous leggings. Power to him, he had the toned body of one of those pedicab driver/international soccer players.

But still... unsanitary... and not how I imagine Marvel would want their arachnid hero to be viewed.

And no, I didn't snap a photo of slimey Spidey Twink.

Sorry.

Who Wants 6 Men Wrapped in Plastic for Their Birthday?

SO, What could possibly be going on in this picture? It turns out this image is not doctored and that a person dressed head to toe as an imperial stormtrooper is actually offering the International Child Abuse Network organization a check for over a $1000; check signed by lord Darth Vader of course.

Odd, right? Well recently my friend Mike, who lives in the San Francisco bay area, told me about this group of Star Wars enthusiasts that have created this vast network of those like themselves across all across the nation called the 501st Stormtrooper Legion. Their Tagline? Bringing Order to the Galaxy Since 1997! This picture is from the local Golden Gate Garrison, based out of the San Francisco area and the reason our plastic fellow is presenting this check, however stoically, is that It turns out the 501st stormtrooper Legion is primarily dedicated to community service. Who knew?

As I looked down their list of events there are all kinds of community service appearances being made at PTA fundraisers, community faires, even the AIDS walk. It turns out anybody for any reason can request these guys chaperone just about anything and they'll do it gladly. All you have to do is fill out the online form. One of the bigger events of 2008: Elijah's 7th birthday.
Now I was kind of inspired by the good deeds these clones are cranking out so I was looking into membership until I saw that your suit is not provided. It turns out you can purchase one for the low low unheard of price of $799.99- marked down from $999.99 at officialcostumes.com, but what is actually preferred is that you make your own from scratch. The process is laid out for you and all materials can be purchased at Studiocreations.com. It begins with making a body cast of yourself and special molding the vacuuformed platic plates so that your suit is comfortable and uniquely fit to you. This seemed like a lot of work to me; I probably won't end up joining.

All of these photos of full body costumes reminds me of those people in Times Square dressed up as Elmo, or Minnie Mouse or Hello Kitty. It makes me laugh when tourist parents push their children up against these characters for pictures thinking that the people are legitimately employed to walk around and take photos with kids. I wonder if the parents would still take these photos if they knew that these people were just random schmoes (who even have to use the payphone now and then) that happen to own a full body hello kitty costume in their adult life.

I try to not be judgmental of people who love to dress up as characters in public. Whether they're an Imperial Stormtrooper or Hello Kitty, they probably all mean well. There must be a secret society that governs and dispatches these people all over the globe. I just wonder what their leader looks like. Could this be far from the truth?

Auto-Tune the News!

So since I'm approaching my co-blogger post as a sort of trial period, I figured It would be topically relevant to reveal that I have recently become obsessed with trial periods. I'm pretty sure this is born out of indecision and my desire for free stuff. Mostly the free stuff.

The majority of these trials have been online games that I had just enough interest in to wait a few hours while it downloaded. I feel like the most notable of these was the creature creator from the game Spore- which I used to I invented some seriously intense beasts all named after my younger brother.

But more fun than any of these games was a 10 day trial of Acoustica Mixcraft, a sound editor that is fairly user friendly and allows you to create your own dance mixes and DJ mash ups! I love it so much. I have not gone on to buy the program just yet, but I would absolutely endorse the free trial. All I wanted to do for a full week was run home and see if I could somehow generate some sort of Mariah Carey / Macey Gray duet.... yikes how embarrassing.

All this talk about sound editing reminds me a very entertaining video a friend sent to me recently. I never knew Joe Biden could sing, and I certainly never knew he had these soulful notes in him. This just goes to show the power of sound and video editing software that is available to us all. Please enjoy:

And Then There Was Justin Plus One...

Joe,

Great first post! And thank you for penning it, because you have inspired in me a desire to tell a story I til now have never documented in type: the Genesis story of Justin Plus One.

Often when I tell people about Justin Plus One they tell me how brilliant it is - how innovative! How smart! How creative! With all this praise you'd think I'd be pulling in 5,000 or more visitors a week. Well, I'm actually pulling in 10,000 a week (I'm not really.)

Anyway - much like so many other "innovative" ideas, Justin Plus One came about by chance, and fate, and a string of things outside of my control.

If you've been reading this blog for more than a year, you may remember it once had another name. Namely, OMFGNYC. It was penned with my then-best friend, Patrick. We decided to go into the blogging business together. We donned fake personas (Blanche and Jane from Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?) Every day a mystery narrator would each come up with two subjects, write a biting summary, and then invoke Blanche and Jane to weigh in with their opinions.)

This lasted for a good six months until Patrick and I had a falling out. The blog came down, all the posts were deleted, and the Jane Blanche Facebook page we created for marketing purposes went back to Jesus. (Well, it's still up, and apparently had its birthday earlier this year.)

After that, I tried to resurrect OMFGNYC as a different blog. It didn't quite work. I was used to Livejournal, a place where getting 100 comments on a post was expected, versus the silent tunnel of blogger where you're lucky to get 4 or 5 a week. It felt like I was yelling into an abandoned mine shaft. I needed someone else.

So I contacted my then-new-friend, Stephen Tylor O'Connor. You may remember him from the week of Clint, where we pimped the shit out of his movie while also literally pimping him out, offering sex with him as a "thank you" for voting for him in a contest. It should be noted that Stephen actually did follow through and fuck every guy that voted for him. Sucks if you didn't take advantage of that offer... because he's now straight. (No he isn't.)

Anyway, during that time the Blog became "Justin and Stephen Explain it All." Problem was that Stephen was super busy, and didn't have much in the way of blogging experience. I couldn't take it. I needed someone to post with and he just wasn't doing it.

I was whining about this online to my cousin Kristin. "Well, how about I help you out?" She asked.

Of course! That would be great! Kristin and I had known each other for 25 years at the time. We'd have awesome blog mojo. Yes yes yes I said.

"Except," she added, "I can only blog this week."

Shit shit shit shit shit!

And so I ran to the next person I could think of, my friend Jake. He too, could only offer me one week.

I cried for a bit (not really... okay well maybe a lil). And then I stopped. Wait a minute. What if I just went around asking my friends to co-blog with me for a week? It was perfect! So many people I spoke to about blogging often said the same thing: "I usually start off great, but then it dies down." or "I don't have the patience to gain a readership." or "I'm in jail."

And from there, Justin Plus One was born: the ultimate solution to every person on the Internet who ever wanted to blog. A blog with no commitments and a built in readership! You came on, blogged your heart out for 5 days, and then gracefully exited and went on your merry way.

On my side, it was beneficial because I'd never run out of topics - I could always bounce off of one of theirs (much like this post is doing, thanks again, Joe!) Also, the readership would expand every week as the Plus One brought their own friends, family members, and former cell mates to Justin Plus One.

Now, where did Justin Plus One come from? To tell you the truth, I have no fucking clue. I wish I could tell you, but I have a very very shitty memory.

Born out of desperation, I am really proud of Justin Plus One. It has helped me meet new people, it was the spark that got me into nightlife promotions, it helps me reach a deeper level with friends, and it's something to talk about that people find interesting.

Yes, much has changed over time. I used to require that Plus Ones write 3-5 posts a day, and from Monday - Sunday (aka I was clearly insane). Then I realized no one wants to read that much blog.

So now we're more structured at these parts. 2 posts a day. Shut down for the weekend. A hello post and a goodbye post. There is a Justin Plus One Welcome Pack that every Plus One fills out. There is a separate Welcome Back pack for returning alums.

Recently I christened the "Alum Club" - those Plus Ones that were so good, that I keep having them come back to chill with all y'all.

And there have been failures too... like "This Just In," (I don't have the time nor desire to do a weekend recap).

Who knows what's on the horizon? Well, I guess you'll need to stick around, and find out :)

I hope you enjoy reading Justin Plus One as much as I enjoy writing :0D

xoJR

WhatWillThisBlogBe?.com

Hello Everyone!

I’d like to thank you all for stopping by and taking a chance on my first blog post ever(!). I am so stoked to spend the week here co-blogging with Justin because I’m hoping it will jump start a very, super, extra-special blogging project of my own.

What is this project? I wish I knew.

You see, recently I was reading a job listing and was kind of floored when the listing ended by adding that applicants with blogging experience were preferred. The thing is: this post was for a job in a Ticket Office, and nowhere in the listing did it mention: oh, and by the way you’ll be managing a blog for the theatre. As far as I could tell blogging had nothing to do with the position. I interpreted this desire for an applicant that blogs to be a sign of the times. NOW, I am always competitive and pretty ambitious so I DO NOT want to be seen falling behind the times. I vowed then and there that I’d break into this whole blog thing.

And here I am! I get a whole week to try this out, to test some styles, to experiment with topics, and generally try the whole thing on for size. It’s like a trial period for an as seen on TV product. AND just think- while I experiment, you can try me out, risk free.

Cheers,
Joe

Meet Joe Ferreira!

Good morning Justin Plus One!

I hope you all had a fabulous weekend. Nature blessed New York City with essentially three days of sunshine (although it did smite us with pouring rain briefly on Saturday night). So we were sure to get drunk in Central Park, on the pier, or even on the street (we'd be drunk anyway, but it's that much more fun outdoors in the sunlight.)

If you're a regular reader of Justin Plus One, you may have noticed that I usually feature a Plus One that is either living in New York City, or California. This week I went ahead and combined both... a Californian who now lives in New York City!

Allow me to introduce you to Joe Ferreira - a hilarious and intelligent fella originally from NoCal now living in Harlem, NYC. Super cute, ultra engaging, and rather fantastic as a human being, he will be going through the rigorous blogging gauntlet that is Justin Plus One this week. Do be welcoming and supportive of his efforts. I assure you he will not disappoint.

Take it away, Joe!

My Name:
Joe Ferreira

My Location:
Harlem, NYC

My Site/ Sites:
Um... My Facebook Page? Also, I'm on Twitter.

What I might post about:
Things I'm discovering or learning this week. Crazy stories from work. California and Food.

What I love:
Marching bands; avocado; bar trivia; good storytellers; really good mash-ups; Davis, CA; and that alligator/hippo segment from the original Fantasia.

What I hate:
Cutting in line, actually. I really hate cutting in line.

My Last Word:
I'm a recent New York transplant from northern California. After growing up near Sacramento I went to school at UC Davis- You will probably hear A LOT about UC Davis in the next week- and I'm currently enjoying work as a publications asst. at Samuel French. I've been fascinated by blogs and blog culture recently and, excepting a now long lost Xanga account, have never blogged before so I'm thrilled to take my first steps into this madness.

The Post Where I Gush About My Brother

If you've been reading me for a while, you've no doubt been introduced to my brother, Jared Zirilli. A triple threat with supermodel good looks, Jared is not only my best friend, he is also my hero - my inspiration.

Others look up to celebrities, political figures, historical personalities. I'm lucky enough to just have to look across the family dinner table.

Having overcome every challenge thrown at him, my brother has really carved out the beginning of a successful career and a happy life for himself. And today he turns 23 years old.

Jared, I hope you have the happiest of Happy Birthdays. And I can't wait to come and see you tear shit up as Roger in Rent next month. I am proud of you. I am inspired by you. I love you more than the rest of this world.

Thank you for your love and support. Your humor and non-sequiturs. And teaching me that I shouldn't have beaten the crap outta you so much when you were little, because now you can thrash me with one arm tied behind your back. While being attacked by a clan of ninjas. And blindfolded. And possibly during an earthquake with the fault line opening up beneath you.

And no one can make me laugh like you do. Challenge me to make THEM laugh like you do. You are loyal and protective to the point of verbally threatening people who are only PRETENDING to hate me. You would throw a fist or a dirty glance to anyone you felt was trying to hurt me. You seem more excited by my successes than your own (granted, the same goes for me.)

Keep it real, brudder bear. We've grown a long way since when we were 8 years old and I was stealing your french fries in Dad's Volvo. Now neither of us really eats french fries. And if I ever stole any of your food, you'd throw me off the Brooklyn Bridge.

Happy Birthday :)

Love,
Justin
AKA: Brudder Bear, Broseph, Justy, etc. etc. etc.

Night at The Creation Museum

I may have heard of it before, but I didn't bother to Google or get to know The Creation Museum in Kentucky until today. It's all because of a preferred blog I read, Ad Rants, which featured this ad for the museum.

And I had to Google. Why? Because it raised questions: why is The Creation Museum, a museum about Creation (one that is, of course, anti-evolution) have a Pterodactyl tearing apart its billboard? I mean, I thought maybe it's a cute joke - the dinosaur doesn't want you to know it exists, so it's eating the ad. Of course, logic then flies in the face of this interpretation because that would mean that the ad was inherently confirming the existence of dinosaurs.

I wish I hadn't Googled further, because now I respect the uber religious even less. Turns out that at The Creation Museum you will see a ton of animatronic dinosaurs. Because they lived with humans. And they were on the ark.

Of course, the bible never mentioned Noah chillin' with a Stegosaurus... but they have a convenient answer for that. As they have a convenient answer for everything. Also, by agreeing to the fact that dinosaurs were chillin' with our fave characters from the ole testament, they reap the benefit of having gigantic robotic dinosaurs that children will love everywhere. Best of both worlds!

To see ignorance and scary re-definition of fossil fact, do take 9 minutes and watch this "Documentary" on The Creation Museum:



Also, bonus points to the God-fearin' crazies for turning Science into "Scientism" which in fact DOES make it seem less factual. Even though it isn't. Because it is science.

Or, you know, don't. And just realize these people are crazy.

But yes! The Creation Museum, which has a very catchy tagline: Prepare to Believe. It's eerie. It's a movie slug. It's sexy (which makes it sinful! repent!) At The Creation Museum you can check out Noah's Ark where you can...

"See the scaffolding, smell the freshly-cut timbers in the busy work site of Noah’s Ark. Delve into the belly of the Ark and imagine the stalls full of animals, in close quarters. Listen to the sounds of thunderous, driving rains and the pounding of water against the sides of the great Ark."

That's a lot of "Ark" in one description. And where, exactly, did they get the "freshly-cut timber" smell? I'll bet that Science had something to do with it.

Also, don't feel the need to travel to Kentucky... just watch this little home movie of some boy and girl and their day at The Creation Museum:



I mean don't get me wrong. There SEEMS to be good behind all of this idiocy. A man says "if it's all random occurrence and coincidence and lawlessness, then we all mean nothing." So The Creation Museum is about giving people purpose in life. A meaning for being there. A reason to stick around.

Which is totally cool until they start trying to stop rape victims from getting abortions, or me and my fellow gays from getting married. That's not as cool. That's when I'll openly call these people morons who shouldn't be allowed to operate any machinery more complex than an electric toothbrush (and even that could be hazardous to those in the vicinity.)

In the end, though, I can tell you that The Creation Museum is more about profit than anything. Sure they have a .org url, which means they're a nonprofit. But I'm sure they are funneling funds into Prop 8 and other such evil things. I mean, where else are the profits from "Noah's Cafe" on the main level going?

It's brilliant marketing. With technology from a former Universal Studios robot creator. And nice fonts. And a lot of stupid shit to say with no one to refute it.

I'd say "Let's create an anti-creation museum." But then I realized that that is what every other museum in the world is. So I guess we win.

xoJR