At Long Last, An Awards Show Where Bruce Springsteen competes with Hannah Montana...

Okay, truth be told, I’ve never been a huge MTV watcher, even when I was in their prime demographic (I occasionally partook in “Beavis & Butt-head,” but that was it), but I always make it a point to watch their annual Movie Awards. I do this because:

(a) I like wallowing in nostalgia for things emblematic of my youth -- oh, how I long for those days of Mike Myers hosting,

(b) I try to keep up-to-speed on what the younger, dumber generation enjoys, and

(c) rarely, oh so rarely – and usually dependent upon the host – they’re kind of entertaining or amusing.

But I’m generally dumbfounded by the nominations for said awards that were announced via MTV press release this morning. For the nominations to simply be a shit-show of laughter-inducing, quality-bereft trash would be expected, but something a bit more stupefying was on display this time around. I’m not saying foul play is necessarily at work, but something was definitely fishy in tween town.



WTF #1: I totally get/appreciate that these are for the MTV generation, and aren’t expected to epitomize the “best” of cinema, but I thought at least they were supposed to be things that were popular, right? Nominations like “Twilight” for Best Movie and Vin Diesel in “Fast & Furious” as Best Male Performance – these I understand, they make sense to me. But Anne Hathaway for Best Female Performance in “Bride Wars”? Did anybody (besides me) even fucking see “Bride Wars”?

Johnathon Schaech for “Prom Night”? While I know who Schaech is, thanks my dorky affinity for the 1996 forgotten gem “That Thing You Do!” and 1998 camp classic “Hush” with Jessica Lange and Gwyneth Paltrow (check it out immediately if you haven’t seen it), I highly doubt the ADD-inflicted tweens who vote for these awards know who he is or even remember “Prom Night” – which came out well over a year ago (decades in MTV-years) – let alone actually cast their votes for him.



WTF #2: 5 nominations for “High School Musical 3”? I’m sorry, I know these demographics are getting younger and younger as time goes on, but is MTV chiefly watched by 8-year-olds nowadays? I’d expect acclaim for shit like “Wanted” (3 nominations), “The Dark Knight” (4 nominations) and “Twilight” (7 nominations), but what’s the deal with the love for single-digits-targeting swill like “HSM3” and “Hannah Montana: The Movie”?

And all this sharing space with nominations like Kate Winslet for Best Female Performance in “The Reader” and 6 nominations for Oscar-beloved “Slumdog Millionaire”? While “Slumdog” was pandering and simplistic enough that I guess that it kind of makes sense that this crowd would like it, I find it a bit hard to swallow that kids putting up Zac Efron and Hannah Montana for awards actually sat through Stephen Daldry’s chilly, Nazi-sympathizing adaptation of Bernhard Schlink’s Holocaust drama.



I mean, some of these nominations are kind of cool/worthy (my props to MTV’s props for Robert Downey, Jr., Anna Faris, Amy Poehler, James Franco and Bruce Springsteen), but something like “Milk” being relegated to the ‘Best Kiss’ category? Way to continue that annual tradition of ‘two boys kissing is naturally funny, so we gotta include them in the clip reel’ that’s been going on since these awards started. Kudos.

I’m not saying that these bullshit, irrelevant awards are necessarily corrupt, but at the least, these nominations pose some interesting questions: Who exactly belongs to ‘The MTV Generation’ in 2009? What do these awards say about that generation, if anything? Are these actually the favorites of said generation, or just people that are presenting awards and/or agreed to show up? Does MTV/Viacom just need to portion out the nods to different film studios to create beneficial business relationships with all of them in the future? What do you think?

But at the end of the day, the real important question is this: who truly gave the Best Male Performance of the year: Zac Efron or Vin Diesel?

Here I Go Again On My Own

Welcome to the jungle, folks, I’m Rob. While I might not have fun and games for you, I’ve got bitchy, rambling musings on film, theatre and stupid people at large, and I hope I do well by Justin’s example and worm my way into the bottoms of your hearts (or at least, the heart of your bottoms).

I try to catch everything that I can in both categories – before the week is out, you’ll likely hear my thoughts on the Tribeca Film Festival, the TONY Awards and summer movies – but what’s important to know about me is that I don’t tend to subscribe towards high-brow or low-brow fare.

I see/enjoy all sorts of shtuff, and try to deal with art on its own level (i.e. I dug on both “Next to Normal” and “Rock of Ages,” and think “Synecdoche, New York”and “Rachel Getting Married” are just as valid/worthy works of cinema as “The First Wives Club,” “Slither” and “Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion”).

Some folks tend to JUST like pretentious, arty shit, others just like quirky Fox Searchlight-distributed love stories, while a certain type can’t watch anything without the presence of Seth Rogen or Paul Rudd (both of whom I love incidentally) – and frankly, that’s fine. Not everything’s for everybody. But if we’re going to be spending time with each other this week, it’s best that you know I’m coming from a place of “It’s all good with me, as long as it ain’t shit.”

For example, I bristle when I say I hated something like “He’s Just Not That Into You,” and the response I get from a fan of it is “well, it’s not going to win any Oscars, but…” Well, frankly, FUCK that logic. Fuck it right in the ear. I don’t expect everything I see to be a fucking Oscar-winner (and how much credibility that even imply anyway?) I don’t expect everything I see to subscribe to the same standards or taste/tone/etc., or to be something David Denby, Manohla Dargis and Armond White will all agree is a masterwork of film (for those who care, my favorite things I’ve seen this year so far are “Coraline,” “Anvil! The Story of Anvil,” “Observe and Report,” “Tyson,” “Duplicity” and “Crank: High Voltage”).



That gay movie Justin posted a trailer to looks akin to enduring swine flu, but when I get a chance to see it, I’ll do so, and deal with it on its own level. I won’t be expecting high art, or something on the same level as a true story about a retarded, schizophrenic homeless man learning to play the violin.

I don’t hate “He’s Just Not That Into You” because it’s a sentimental chick flick (I fucking love “Terms of Endearment,” “In Her Shoes,” “Love Actually,” the list goes on), but because it’s endlessly fucking lame, insulting, pandering horseshit that makes women, men, gays and dogs all look like awful, uninteresting people who deserve to be blowtorched.

But that’s just me.

My Other Car is a Gay British Gangsta

Well, since this week's Plus One, Rob Scheer, is a big film buff - and he's a lil busy right now, I figured I'd slip in a movie post of my own. One that he will surely eviscerate me for later.

Now, I know I fall into the same trap every damn time. I see hot guys, near naked, doing sexy things to each other and IMMEDIATELY I must see the movie. It happened to me with Were The World Mine (shudder) and countless other times I don't wish to recall. And then the movie sucks beyond belief. Causing me to swear up and down that I won't fall for the same nipple and nutsack trickery.

... But then I do this again. I have to admit that I am definitely going to see SHANK.



Not enough for ya? Here's a longer version of the trailer:


There's also tons more video footage over at SHANK's official YouTube channel.

Oh, and I guess we should want to know what the movie is about, besides hairless hotties kissing each other's torsos:

Cal, an 18 year old Scally lad and gang member has nothing in his life except drugs, sex, random acts of violence and a secret that he keeps hidden from his mates. An online hook up for sex with a stranger, Scott (36), temporarily satisfies but fails to dampen his unspoken desires for his best mate, Jonno. Nessa, their twisted, foul-mouthed and controlling, de facto gang leader, suspects that there is something going on between them but she can't put her finger on it. Jonno, putty in Nessa'a hands, can't express his own deep rooted and unrequited attachment to Cal. Manipulating situations that bring her closer to having her suspicions confirmed, Nessa sets out about dividing loyalties and encouraging conflict.

For no good reason an innocent student, Olivier (19), falls victim to one of her plans and is mugged on her orders by the gang. Cal steps in to restrain them and creates a distraction allowing Olivier to run free. Ignoring Nessa's screams of contempt, he chases after him and offers him a lift by way of an apology. Fearing that the fall-out from Nessa for his actions will be harsh, Cal persuades Olivier to help him out. Seizing the moral high ground and sensing that there was something more to Cal's good samaritan act, Olivier allows Cal to stay with him for a few days.

Acting on his own attraction to Cal, Olivier seduces him and in doing so, exposes Cal to new emotions and a tenderness that he has never experienced before. Very soon they are overtaken by the embrace of the first flush of love.

Blah blah whatever. So hot gangsters fucking each other. Drama ensues. That works.

HOWEVER - one potentially awesome bit. According to the kind folks over at Queerty, the director, Simon Pearce is 21. Good for him! That's super impressive. When I was 21 I was getting tricked by sexy shirtless guys into renting bad international gay movies that ended up sucking... much like this one might.

Now, I am not one who often steals things from others (lies, I even stole that lie from someone, I think). But I think Queerty put it best when they said:

"It's got all the proper elements for a decent film — love, sex, violence — which are also the right elements for a campy piece of garbage. You decide."

I WILL decide. And I will do so without letting the hairless torsos and pert nipples and... Jesus. When can I buy my ticket already!?

See y'all at the Quad, I guess!

Meet Rob Scheer!

And so we bid last week's Plus One, Jason Schorr a fond farewell and jet back across the continent to NYC. (Did you miss last week's posts? Get it all in one post right here.)

Our next stop is Hell's Kitchen, specifically, and there resides our next Plus One - Rob Scheer. A good buddy of mine (online AND off) Rob is a totes cute and extremely highly opinionated gay dude who can talk your head off about any movie or Broadway show (we've almost come to fists over 9 to 5 already... hopefully the fight won't continue on this blog).

So please, welcome Rob to Justin Plus One! It's another exciting week coming up... what with Tony noms and all of that stuff. So expect plenty of discourse, and maybe a few cat fights if you're lucky!

xoJR

My Name:
Rob Scheer

My Location:
New York, NY (Hell’s Kitchen)

My Site/ Sites:
Facebook
DList

What I might post about:
I have no set agenda, but potentially: Summer Movies, “Next to Normal,” The TONY Award nominations, Gael Garcia Bernal, “The First Wives Club,” Robert Downey Jr., “Rock of Ages,” Recap of stuff I saw at Tribeca Film Festival, Drunken Shenanigans in the East Village, “30 Rock,” swine flu

What I love:
The Coen Brothers, Theatre, Golden Grahams, Gael Garcia Bernal, “Billy Elliot” (the film), James McAvoy, classic rock, Robert Downey Jr., Reading in the summer, Rainy evenings with Chinese food, Meryl Streep, Keith Olbermann, snuggling and DVDs, Zac Efron when he’s staring vacantly and looking pretty, Bill Murray, “Coraline,” Jane Krakowski, Paul Thomas Anderson, that cover of Details magazine with Daniel Radcliffe

What I hate:
Religion, People with better bodies than me who insist on taking off their shirt and/or wearing the tightest clothes known to man, Scarlett Johansson, “Billy Elliot: The Musical,” Renee Zellweger, the 50th street A/C/E stop, Perez Hilton, Zac Efron when he’s speaking, The Da Vinci Code

My Last Word:
I’m a Democrat film obsessive who's in a relationship and has somewhat of a surly demeanor on most days. I was born without the benefit of (a) fashion sense, (b) a sense of rhythm, or (c) style. I’m truly not an asshole to anybody for no reason, but I don’t respond well to arrogance, self-importance, unprompted nastiness or confrontational Conservative rhetoric. But at the end of the day, get me talking about movies or theatre, and I'll ramble for a good 15 minutes (and won't berate you if you disagree with me!). Oh, an d I'm not good at giving paragraph-long encapsulations of myself.

This Just In - April 27-May 1

Just in case you actually had a life this week - what with Swine Flu and gay marriages and anti hate crime legislation and retiring Supreme Court judges and all... here's this week's This Just In to catch you up on what went down this week on Justin Plus One!

MONDAY


This week we welcomed brand new Plus One, Jason Shorr an artist with Disney Dreams living out on the West Coast. And in his hello post, Jason let us know that he's a huge spotlight hog. I then told Jason that he wouldn't have the spotlight this week, because pigs were all the rage... what with the Swine Flu chaos ensuing. I even included some classic videos of Swine Flu fear ads.



I then posted MORE on spotlight hogging, giving some major pimpage to my blog buddy Lucas and his now-running play, VGL 5'4" Top (I'm going tonight, you should too!) And at the end of the night, Jason let us know - in spotlight stealing fashion - exactly who men are.

TUESDAY
I kicked the day off introducing you to two funny/sexy new sites - guyswithipods.com and textsfromlastnight.com. Jason chimed in cautioning us to be careful because a cock pic is forever. And, speaking of porno, I brought back an old Livejournal tradition of mine - the Hump Day Sex Poll (yes, even though it wasn't Hump Day).


And finally Jason closed out the night showing us a hilarious clip featuring Julia Roberts, and showed us the art he'd be showing that night at his show.

WEDNESDAY
Still with porn on my brain, I started the day with two further cautionary tales of porn stars getting professionally fucked for what they did.



Jason then moved the conversation from less porn to more art. Porn then gave way to massive gay celebration as I caught us up on gay marriage rulings, and a horrible woman named Virginia Foxx from North Carolina. Jason, as overjoyed as I, continued the celebration.


THURSDAY
More good gay news! Straight from Justin, of course. Jason, fresh from his first Rufus Wainwright concert gave us the review and recap. And, upon hearing that Rufus had grown a beard, I went ahead and railed against facial hair in general.



Blasting through my rant, Jason informed us of International Male's Big Gay Kiss competition, where you can make $10,000 for video recording your making out with another guy.

FRIDAY
On Friday morning I gave my fawning review of Next to Normal, the Musical. And Jason gave us the (slightly delayed) update on his first ever art show. And then, as quick as ever, and as every Plus One before him, Jason Shorr bid us his fond farewell.

Thanks for coming by this week, Jason - I had such a blast! And if you came by to read Jason's posts this week, I hope you enjoyed them!

xoJR

So Long, Farewell, Auf Weidersehen, Goodnight!

Well this is my last Post here on J+1, I hope you all have had a great week, and have enjoyed my little blurbs. I thought I'd leave you with something lighthearted and silly. I'd like to talk about the things people do when they think no one is watching.



On my way to the Rufus gig the other night, I glanced in my rearview mirror, and caught the man in the car behind me with his finger so far up his nose, he must have been scratching his brain. I'm thinking, jeez, pick a winner. I don't know how old I was when I finally learned to stop shoving my hand up my nose, but that's what my surrogate big sis used to tell me when she caught me doing it. "pickawinner." I thought it was one word.

I'm amazed at the abandon with which people will pick their noses and sing like they're the latest big star to grace the Grand Ol' Opry, as long as they're in their cars. Apparently being in the car feels like being in a little cloud of moving invisibility, where you are free to be your true self, your most unsocialized, savage, nose-picking, sing-screeching, and even violently angry self.

I will freely admit here, as a disclaimer, that I am one of the biggest motor-singers on the road. I once was rocking out to a song on the radio, came to a stop at a major intersection, and when the protected turn light (not my lane) went green, I began to go. I was halfway through the intersection when I suddenly stopped singing and realized that not only was I running a red light out of fucking nowhere, but the stupid bastard in the car next to me had FOLLOWED suit! As soon as I had checked the rearview that no cop had seen that, I blushed to myself and resumed my diva-tastic performance.

Anyhow, It's been lovely.
You got to hear about my gay childhood, my opinions on men and sex, my experiences at my first art show, and my first rufus wainwright concert! I hope this provided some small amusement and enjoyment for some of you. You are welcome to find me on livejournal with the username lildevilboi (shut up, I was sixteen), or on facebook. My own portfolio page is listed in my profile here on blogger, so check that out! I hope everyone has a great weekend! See you 'round!

Showtime!

Justin's post about theatre reminded me that I still haven't actually posted about my show!
So here goes!

That evening, after my friend Patrick got to my place, I drove us to hollywood to pick up my friend Jason (the model for the squid portrait), who had begged off work so that he could come. I was glad that he came, he was cracking us up in the car the whole hour it took to get down to the little bar in Santa Ana.

The streets of Orange County were dead, I parked directly in front of the bar's main entrance, and the three of us began loading the work into the venue. I had with me the Princes tryptich, the portrait of Jason, which he saw for the first time, the Steven painting, and the male Kali. I maxed out my space on the wall, which meant Steven's portrait had to be in the dark, but no matter. The space I snagged made the entire show about me. The other photographer who was displaying his work was barely noticeable. I'm not even sure where the other two artists were, if they actually displayed work.





This event for me was amazing because I'd never seen my work on any walls before, and the crowd was large, especially for a Tuesday night in O.C. I didn't make a sale, my work was much too expensive for the young crowd that was gathered, but it was great to see everyone just enjoying it, and it was wonderful having my friends show up for me. It was kind of a statement about who in my life really cares and wants to be there for me. It made me feel great.















(The man who made it all happen! I've known Juan since I was 16 and first coming out. We'd never met, but he got me this gig, and we finally got to shake hands after all these years.)

We all had a lot to drink while I was down there, since I had to be there virtually till closing time to take my work down. The long drive back up was fraught with detours, but we made it home safe eventually.

Next to Nothing You've Ever Seen Before

After seeing 9-to-5, the musical I thoroughly enjoyed being ripped a new asshole by both Ben Brantley and Linda Winer, I'm glad to have seen and loved a musical that has been a critical darling. (as a side note, I still say you should see 9 to 5, you haven't had that much fun in years, trust me).

The show I saw last night is Next to Normal - a musical you should all go out and see as soon as you can. If you are out of New York City and can't see it presently, go ahead and buy the cast recording. It's just that amazing.

While you're at it, watch a ton of Next to Normal videos right here.

The story of a bipolar mother, and the effects her disease has on her family, set to the vicious tunes of rock is one of the greatest, most touching shows I have seen in the theater in years. You'll laugh, cry, and consider killing yourself. And that's just when you hear the cute twink in the lobby tell you that the double CD costs 30 bucks (seriously, just buy it on iTunes).

The voices are amazing. The lyrics are unforgettably harsh and poetic. The story is one of the cruelest, most realistic ones you've ever seen on the commercial White Way. It didn't surprise me that I landed some amazing seats on the discount TKTS line. It also didn't shock me to see empty seats.


It's always this way - the best of the best shows drive all the critics to orgasms, and all of the tourists and showgoers to Chicago and Weekend At Bernie's the Musical.

It's almost as if an actual dinosaur has found its way to Broadway. It's rare. You need to see it. But it's halfway to extinction already. I implore you to see this show as soon as you can, and to get all of your friends to see it, too. We may not be able to keep it on Broadway forever, but at least we can enjoy it while it's here.

And despite all of the sadness and tragedy in the show, the final song and its message is one that applies to all of us. Regardless of whether we have a psychological disorder or not. Yes, it's about bipolar disorder, and living in a fucked up family (CLEARLY none of us can relate, am I right?)

But this musical is one about pain. One about suffering. At one point, Alice Ripley says "Turns out that people who think they're happy just haven't really thought enough about it." This is in the beginning of the musical, and before everyone has made their full journey to the show's final conclusion: pain is inevitable, but it's what makes life worth living.

An original message? Not really. But the way it gets there, and the way it shows it to us - not glossing over it or prettying it up for the stage, is what makes Next to Normal worth your dollar.

And on a shallow note, Aaron Tveit is one of the most beautiful men I've seen on stage in recent memory. And you see him shaving and near naked in the first five minutes of the show.

His spectacular voice - as well as the voices of everyone in the small cast - will positively drown you in bleeding beauty.

So go. See it. Really. Just do it.

xoJR

Shut up and kiss me!

Justin may be a facial hair nazi... and I admit I used to be, but as of recently I've found myself less bothered by good ol' scruff. I will say that mustaches are OUT of the question, absolutely. Unless you're at a 70's porn party. But Rufus' beard honestly did a lot for him! I myself have been growing not a beard, but genuine scruff. I've been trimming instead of shaving for the first time ever. People seem to like it, and It's less work for me anyway, so we all win.

The thing is, when it comes to making out with someone, Scruff can get in the way depending on the length. No one wants to walk away from what should have been a great makeout session with a big red face full of bruises and scratches. You were kissing, not dukeing it out. If a guy hasn't shaven for just a couple of days, then it's not scruff. It's stubble, and while that looks hot, it feels like HELL on your lips and face. fortunately for me I now have a protective layer of hair. Now, when one has such a layer, and the scruff is longer, lo! It actually is soft and not so bad for kissing. Food for thought.

"A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature to stop speech when words have become superfluous."
--Ingrid Bergman



The reason I bring this all up is because InteractiveMale is hosting a contest for the next several months (the deadline is in October) Where you could win 10,000 fucking big ones for submitting the best makeout video! Not to toot my own horn or anything but I'm quite good at this kissing thing. I also am pretty good at using FinalCut Pro. The sad thing is if i DID win this thing, I'd still be nearly 5,000 short of paying off just ONE term at artcenter. Out of eight so far. I die.

The sweet part (sweeter than personal gain, I mean, and kissing a hot guy-presumably) is that for every video submitted, IM will donate $5 towards marriage equality, and for every photo submitted, $1. Webcams will be given away for best kiss photographs. Sluttyy......
But anyway, I say let's all find someone to make out with and may the best kisser win!

Check out the details at www.BigGayKiss.com

Hair Today, Gone Today

In Plus One Jason's last post he mentioned that Rufus Wainwright - my singing god among men - has recently grown a beard. I can't tell you how upset this makes me. In a world where people protest things like equal gay rights or the lives of pigs, I go for something far simpler: I don't like facial hair.

Why? I just don't like it! I feel like people are hiding parts of their faces underneath it. A majority of the guys I know with facial hair actually, in my opinion, look far hotter when they are shorn. In fact, while looking at them, I can see their actual face almost through the hair - rendering the mustache or beard a costume piece they strapped on behind their head.

Granted, I have fallen for the facial hair trap a few times. I once upon a time did the Long Island D-bag chin strap. I also tried out the goatee and the goatee-with-mustache. Each one was a disaster, and after being blind to the obvious for a few months, I promptly did away with the hair and was commented for my return to normalcy.

I'm not opposed to ALL facial hair, though. I don't mind tasteful, sexy stubble. But full on beards? They look strange! I understand some people wear them to look older (because I've seen them shaven and they look positively barely-legal). But isn't there another way to look older? Bart Simpson used platform shoes and a small dog - I recommend the same here.

Even worse than the beard is the mustache. If it's connected to a trim goatee, again, I can sometimes see it as sexy. But a straight up mustache? They're as rare as hen's teeth (or hen's mustaches). I have never seen a mustache that looks right to me. Is that a me-only thing? Has anyone ever seen a respectful looking mustache on anyone under 40?

I don't expect you to keep your body so hairless that I can grease you up and bowl you down a lane to get a strike, but, really, all that facial hair is just gonna be itchy and scratchy, and it's blocking a good 25% of your beautiful face!

Instead of speaking solely for myself, I did a random Instant Message poll. And here are some answers I got in regards to my question "What do you think of facial hair?"

Plus One Alum, Shawn Hollenbach: "What do you have to hide?"


Plus One Alum, Clint Osterholz: "You know how people shave their pubic hair completely off? Well that's fucking stupid. Trimming it is fine, but shaping it or shaving it off looks retarded. Same thing's true for facial hair. If you're going to have it, fine, but your face isn't a fucking blank easel. Keep a trimmed, neat beard. I won't fuck you, but god knows some tard with a steel wool fetish might."


Future Plus One, Chris Haigy: "Um... facial hair is, like all things, fine in moderation (unless it's a mustache). Stubble is okay, as is a light beard, but when you can't see skin underneath your hair, you've gone too far. Goatees are just fine and I actually sort of like them, but if you can braid it, it's too much. We all saw what happened to SoaD.

Mutton chops should not be worn unless you're auditioning for a role on the remake of dark shadows, but sideburns look very nice and I have them. No facial hair should ever be ironic. Otherwise you're not just a hipster, you're a douchebag."


Next Week's Plus One, Rob Scheer: "I think occasionally a guy will look MUCH better with facial hair than without (e.g.: I think John Krasinski in that new movie "Away We Go" looks kind of hot with his new beard, but he looks kind of doofy on "The Office").

On the same token, sometimes it goes the opposite way -- it all depends on the type of face they have and how well the hair meshes with it. For example: when boyish twinks try to grow facial hair / goatees / beards to look more mature, it usually looks disastrous.

Not even joking -- When I first met my boyfriend (who, for the record, I think is adorable), I didn't find him the least bit attractive for the first month or so that I knew him because he had ridiculous facial hair. It wasn't until he shaved a few weeks after I met him when I realized, "hmmm. This boy's actually cute.""


Upcoming Plus One, Dan Leveille: Short hair can be sexy on the right type of person, but beards are gross. Mustaches are gross too.

Phew. Okay, so at least I'm not alone in the feeling. Keep it trim, keep it tame, and it might work. But mustaches are odd, full on beards are nesty and strange!

Why don't YOU weigh in while you're at it?

xoJR

Oh Rufus, let's get gay married.

Justin left off his last entry talking about Helen Reddy, who he informs me sang "Candle on the Water" for Disney's Pete's Dragon ages ago. That makes my transition from his largely political post to my more musical one much easier!

My good friend Patrick and I went to see Rufus Wainwright yesterday evening at the House of Blues in Anaheim’s Downtown Disney. The HOB is probably my favorite venue to see a live show at. It’s on the small side, but big enough to be comfortable housing artists like Rufus with large draws.




Rufus’ sis, Lucy Wainwright-Roche was the opener. She had a high, sweet voice when she sang, and a hilariously self-deprecating sense of humor when she spoke candidly to the audience.

“I’ve spent the last two years living out of my car on the road…. So I have a lot to say. No, it’s true… I’m about 85 to 90 percent weirder than I was before….. So tonight I am coming to you at my most unusual.”

She talked about facebook in between a couple of her songs.

“And for those of you who don’t know what it is, it’s this website where you can become… basically fake friends with real people….. You can like, buy someone a drink. Fake drink, but for a real dollar. SO this next song is about trying to keep reality alive!”

She was a real sweetheart. Her father, Loudon Wainwright III came onstage for a surprise appearance with her to uproarious applause. “Hey!” Lucy said, “You didn’t clap that much for me!”

When Rufus finally came onstage, he was wearing his Mickey Mouse ears with his name sewn onto the hat. My joy was temporarily interrupted when some jackass wedged himself in front of Patrick. I said to him

“Excuse me, but that was rude, we’ve been standing here for over an hour.”

“It’s called general admission, buddy,” replied the asshole.

I said “yeah but there’s someone shorter than you behind you, and that’s RUDE.”

He looked back at Patrick for a second and moved over a bit, but of course he was still in the way. Then a group of tall gay men further up invited us to stand in front of them since we’re shorter. Karma.

My body can't handle getting angry at strangers. My blood starts pumping way too fast, I worry that one day someone will make me angry enough to have a heart attack.




The rest of the show was beautiful. Rufus has a beard now, and seeing him live for the first time made him just that much sexier. He’s just my kind of man. He sang all by himself, just his gorgeous voice and the piano, or guitar, depending on the song. At times his sister would come back and help out, and for the final encore, Lucy and Loudon both joined in for one of Loudon’s songs. The only issue I had was that he forgot his own lyrics about four or five times, and we all laughed but it's like... that's what soundcheck is for! I personally think he skipped soundcheck in favor of doing the park all day, but he insisted during the show that this wasn't the case because he didn't want to tarnish his childhood memories of Disneyland.

All in all he was very down to earth and relaxed. It's very important for an artist to connect with the audience. If a performer goes an entire show without saying anything to us but "thank you" that's a bad show in my opinion. It's the magic delusion of a closeness with the performer that makes everything much more amazing.

What I have here is an incomplete set list as some of the songs were older ones that I was unfamiliar with:

Going to a Town
Sansouici
Gay Messiah
The Art Teacher
Vibrate
Not Ready to Love
California
Zebulon
Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk
Hallelujah
Leaving for Paris


The thing is that now I really need to go back to Disneyland. The Downtown shopping area has already grown, reminding me that I’ve been away for far too long.

Gay Days Continue!

Can you smell that in the air, my compatriots? That smell of freedom and privileges? Well take off your Swine Flu face mask and get a good whiff! It's the third greatest day in Gay History!

First off, in case you missed it - the House of Reps passed the Matthew Shepard hate crimes act... it now goes on to the Democrat-pwned Senate for vote (and Obama has ALREADY said he will sign this into law).

Next, that evil, ignorant woman Virginia Foxx got her ass handed to her not once but twice last night!

First by my secret lover, Keith Olbermann


Next, by a bunch of folks on Hardball


And she, in turn, and probably because she's gotten more press from this than anything good she's ever done, issued this "apology":

"It has come to my attention that some people have been led to believe that I think the terrible crimes that led to Matthew Shepard's death in 1998 were a hoax. The term 'hoax' was a poor choice of words used in the discussion of the hate crimes bill. Mr. Shepard's death was nothing less than a tragedy and those responsible for his death certainly deserved the punishment they received. The larger context of my remarks is important. I was referring to a 2004 ABC 20/20 report on Mr. Shepard's death. The 20/20 report questioned the motivation of those responsible for Mr. Shepard's death. Referencing this media account may have been a mistake, but if so it was a mistake based on what I believed were reliable accounts."

There you go. So it's not HER fault. But she's sorry she trusted the news. Too bad she didn't say she saw it on Fox News...

Of course, not everything can be great. Those morons over at NOM released a new ad... but it's not half as sensational as The Gathering Storm... and it's full of even more ignorant babble.


But what does it matter? With New Hampshire, and this hate crimes act, and the way the media will turn like a beast on an ill-wisher... The tide is changing, lovers. I'm so excited, so happy, and so not even thinking about Swine Flu!

UPDATE
I spoke too soon... even MORE good news:
GAY MARRIAGE BILL PASSES THE SENATE IN MAINE!

Let's celebrate! We need some music... hmmmm...

Helen Reddy - the stage is yours!!!

Sticks and stones may break our bones... But ridiculous words will help our cause.

Hullo everyone, hope your day has been great so far!

In his last post, Justin talked about the ups and downs going on right now in our movement: a promising victory in New Hampshire, and the shockingly evil speech from Virginia Foxx on the hate crimes bill. (LOVED the joke about her name, btw).

So. Seriously?

Matt Shepard's death was a hoax?

I'd like to see that cunt tell that to his mother's face. Some people are truly, unbelievably monstrous. Who do these people think they're fucking kidding? I fail to see what the fuss is about passing a law that punishes people for harming others based on fundamental parts of who they are, because they're different. I love that the people who have a problem with this are people who belong to a race and class that dominate society in general anyway and don't have to look behind them when they leave a bar too late at night or find themselves in an unfamiliar part of town.

Whatever happened to love thy neighbor?

In what conscience can these people still claim to be christian?

The great part, the thing that makes this all easier to bear.... is that you can hear the desperation behind their hurtful words. These lies are getting more and more outrageous because they know they're losing clout. The more desperate our opponents become, the more they are going to unwittingly help open the eyes of everyone to how ridiculous this homophobia truly is.

This is a beautiful time, truly, because now more than ever, we get to see amazing acts of solidarity for our cause by our straight allies, and in the media everywhere. Recently, Bishop Richard Malone from Maine spoke in Augusta at the public hearing for the Equal Marriage Bill, opposing, of course. Here's the thing though- prior to his speech, he had sent out a letter to his followers detailing his position, and what he would be saying at the hearing. He told those in attendance that he was speaking "On behalf of the 200,000 Roman Catholics in Maine opposing the equal marriage bill."

Thanks to the advance notice, he'd better make it 199,999....





applause!

The Gays: We Win Some, We Lose Some

What a dramatic two days this has been for gays!

In case you're not bangin' on the beltway (or reading any gay blogs like me and my vast network of instant message informants) you may have not heard that Barack Obama pushed Congress to pass hate crime legislation.

And now they are! Even better? The New Hampshire Senate just approved gay marriage today! Granted, it still has to be pushed through the Gov... but I'm going to go ahead and say it seems promising.

But with the good comes the bad. The bad in this case is this stupid bitch that is now on my Hope She Gets Caught Seducing Children by Fox News, While Also Getting Horrible Oral Herpes list: North Carolina Republican Congresswoman Virginia Foxx.


She just looks so innocent and grandmotherly, doesn't she? Like she'd show up at your house with a shoefly pie and a crocheted throw for your couch. Well she WOULD do that, except the pie would be laced with arsenic and she'd be hiding ten gay bashers behind the throw.

Think I'm overdoing it? Listen to the harpy talk about how MATTHEW SHEPARD'S LAW IS A HOAX:



No, fuck YOU Congresswoman Virginia Foxx - it's not our fault your name sounds like it came from a Vivid porno.

I'm just waiting to see what's going to happen with this one. Sure, we beat the shit out of Miss California for saying gays shouldn't marry... but that's ignorance versus an INTENTIONAL ASS-FUCKING OF THE FACTS.

Fury. That's the word for this feeling! Gosh it's been a whole ten minutes since I last felt it (I watch Fox News on a daily basis, just to get me boiling.)

Dear Virginia Foxx,

Fuck you and I hate you. Don't fight off hate crime legislation by saying a gay man was beaten to death for different reasons, and then calling the law a hoax. Seriously - why invest all that time and dishonesty into blocking equal protections for everyone?

Anyone want to Google bomb her? I think "Cunty Idiot" would work. Who wants to help the cause?

OH! And you know who might help our cause? Howard Stern, who just voiced his support for gays, and marriage in general today!

Sexuality and Creative Freedom

So Justin gave us hard (ha) examples of why one should not engage in sex (or even tug your own a bit) on camera if you're planning on running in a Mister _____ Pageant, or playing on a sports team..... (or running for public office, or not wanting to give your grandma a heart attack, or wanting to be considered "boyfriend material" ever again by the majority of the community at large).

Sex is a fascinating topic in the social context, isn't it? I've found myself increasingly interested in sexuality in art. In the past year I've done some new work with sex as the theme, and have had to explain and justify them to my parents. They were not a fan of the piece i posted here yesterday with the guy with all the arms around him. My mother actually called it porn. I had to explain that since there was no rock hard penis actually in the picture, this was not an image intended to make one's penis rock hard. Therefore, not porn.

Over three years ago, I did my first gay work, and arguably my first truly personal work.

That was the tryptich featuring the prince and his knight in shining armor (me and my boyfriend at the time). That one was an experience. It began as a cute idea, something I thought would look pretty and tell a nice story. I was doing it as a late assignment for one of my classes, I'd gotten a grade extension on basis of my personal life having been a mess earlier in term, and was painting this thing over winter break. When my parents saw the final panel with the (excuse me, tasteful!) sunset kiss, they immediately questioned whether it were "appropriate."

I was shocked. My parents made coming out an extremely positive experience for me at sixteen. My mother is a figure skating coach, and she knew I was going to be gay since my silver leotard days in front of the camera. Actually she sounded like Margaret Cho's mom when she told me she knew "When you were born!" greeeaat. My dad took some more time getting used to it, he's always been more conservative and prude-ish than he'd like to think of himself, but he never gave me any shit. He quietly came to terms and eventually I think realized that our relationship was better than it ever had been when he got used to talking about it. I digress....

Suddenly my cute painting series wasn't so superfluous. It was a big middle finger to anyone daring me to play it safe and compromise my vision, now or ever. It was asking why the fairy tale depicted needed to be scandalous at all, just because two men were involved. Aren't we allowed our fairy tales?

Well, that tryptich received much approval from my instructor when I turned it in, and in fact was the favorite piece in my third term review later that year, and still one of my strongest compositions to date. The feeling I got from that project also made me realize that I wasn't content with painting pretty for pretty's sake. I needed something more real and important and raw for subject matter from here on out.

Later, I'd like to tell you all about how the show last night went! I had a marvelous time, but now I've got to run and get my hearing aids back from the audiologist. Hasta Luego, amigos!

When Porn Fucks You Back!

It's impressive how the universe works some times. Hot on the heels of Jason's post on gay porn and gay porn poll last night I found myself on the Manhunt blog (yes, Manhunt has a blog, yes I read it). And on it - two stories that quite perfectly match up with yesterday's theme on Justin Plus One.

Sure some of us might date a porn actor, while others would stay far, far away. But turns out this isn't the worst of a porn actor's fears. Turns out it can ruin your career/life too!

Much like your mother may have cautioned you in the past: "Don't do a double dicking orgy scene, trust me, some day you may get named Mr. Panama, and they'll find that video of you getting plowed bareback while getting a cream pie in the face... and they won't like it."

Yup! Turns out porn has the power to destroy you (who knew!?). This is why so many actors stay far away from it (even though half of them will never get anywhere near Broadway - let alone a dinner theater in Orlando - so why waste a body as hot as that?

Or anyone who thinks they might ever want to serve in public office - ESPECIALLY if they're going to run on the Republican anti-gay ticket (they can just hold on til they get their position and a Page or two... too soon?).

Whether it's helping you make car payments or get that TV you always wanted, porn is a quick buck that can come back to fuck you in the ass (and not pay you that second time, either.)


First we have Mr. Panama, Ryan Oliver who just lost his title as Mr. Panama when it was discovered that he did some jackoff scenes for Sean Cody. At first I thought "the moron!" But, after looking at the photos, I'm happy he sacrificed his sash so that I'd have some good alone-time material.

But he wasn't the first man nailed by porn this year, either!


Just a few months ago, Paul Donahue, a college wrestler, found himself dismissed from his wrestling team when they found out he, too, had gone "gay for pay". They got him on a technicality (lame) (an NCAA regulation which states that athletes are not allowed to use their images for commercial gain.)

What's interesting is that neither of these guys has gone the full distance - getting fucked or fucking. Nope. They're just naked. Clearly that's some sort of crime or something.

So there you have it, folks. Be careful where you strut your stuff and, as you bend over to give everyone a good look at your nether regions, just be sure you weren't planning on a Presidential run.

ADDED BONUS FOR THOSE NOT AT WORK (feel free to bookmark and come back later tonight... it's worth it!)

For some NOT SAFE FOR WORK shots, check out Ryan Oliver's Panamanian Canal right here.

And for more NOT SAFE FOR WORK shots, dream about Paul Donahue body-slamming you right here.

She should do standup.

Ok, So while Justin strolls down memory lane with the Hump Day Sex Poll,
I'm going to make my second post today here something of a quickie as I am still throwing together some last minute things involving my first art show tonight. More on that later.

My friend Jesse posted this video on facebook today and I couldn't resist sharing. Who the fuck knew Julia Roberts was so funny?

Watch more AOL News videos on AOL Video

I love her pottymouth!

So tonight is my first art show, and while I've sold work before on commission, this will be my first chance to sell paintings, including some very personal work. I do hope that even in this troubled economy, some rich daddy will want to buy my paintings. I'm ready to part with some of my favorite work in order to clear the way and motivate myself to create even better work to fill the space they would leave. Also.... if I sell just ONE painting tonight, I'm off to Europe. Hasta Luego, America!
(Tuition? What tuition?)

So here are the pieces that I will be showing tonight:


Awakening... oil on canvas, 30x40 (2006)


The Princes Tryptich.... 3 acrylic on wood panels (total size 36x24)
(since this photo, it's been updated slightly for the show. this was 2005)


Portrait with Squid... Oil on Canvas, 23x30 (2008)

and


Urban Orgy... Acrylic on Wood 14x18 (2008)

SO wish me luck!

Hump Day Sex Poll!

Jason, we both met on LiveJournal and, well, working with you this week has gotten me very, very nostalgic. Now with your last post about porno and Manhunt, I can't avoid but think back to a weekly post that propeled me into quasi- LiveJournal fame (or infamy).

Maybe you remember it?

I called it the HUMP DAY SEX POLL. And it was just what it sounds like. Every Wednesday I put up a question and people submitted their answers. Being it LiveJournal, there were plenty of vocal people who browbeat me for my questions or my answers. But whatever, I lived through it.

So I'm going to give it a try here (and yes, I know it's only Tuesday... deal with it!). Let's see if Blogger can muster up some interaction the likes of LiveJournal (skeptical!)

Readers - weigh in in the comment sections to the following question:

If you found out a guy you've been talking to/ hooking up with has done porn - how would you react?

I'm keeping it open ended because I don't think a set number of answers will do the trick.

So comment, won't you?!

xoJR

A Cock Pic Is Forever!

What a funny coincidence that Justin just posted about Guys with iPhones! I stumbled across the site late last night when someone in the forums over at Connexion posted a thread about it. I have to admit I was expecting hotter guys though, the website ought to be a tad bit more picky, in my opinion. I showed the thing (not mine, the website) to one of my girlfriends and her response was “Ewww haaair.” She’s such a gay man.

This (along with the VGL MASC UB2 stuff I mentioned yesterday….. and reasons of personal integrity…) is why I no longer frequent skeezy “dating” sites. Stupidity. Why is it that these men don’t seem to realize that a cock pic is forever? That, thanks to the internet, it will never go away. YEARS from now, your wife or husband or person who holds your child ransom may come across this bit of gold from your past, and they will certainly not thank you for it. Actually, the person who holds your child ransom might thank you for it.

Which brings up the subject of porn. Any excuse, really. I can’t even tell you how many guys I’ve recognized from the bar whilst having a wank. I sort of stop for a bit, thinking “don’t these guys get it?” It’s cash at the price of your social standing. Actually that depends on who you ask. There are two camps- one which says you’re trashy for having done porn, and the other that salutes you.

I remember that one of my friends a few years ago was online, hunting for some porn, and much to his dismay he came across a familiar face- not some guy from the bar but someone who we were both well acquainted with. He was the poster boy for “Twinks for Cash.” Now…. If you’re going to bestow the image of your ass getting pounded forever to the world in cyberspace, why not get paid a little more money for it and do it for a reputable company? (reputable is an interesting word here, I know).

The poor guy was mortified when our friend asked him about his past with the penis posse. He had no idea that his face was still plastered on the front page, it was just something he’d done years ago to make a little extra cash after he moved to L.A. but that’s the thing about porn.

Honestly, don’t get me wrong here. I actually commend porn models for the simple reason that it’s a dirty job but someone’s gotta do it. Without them, we’d just be left to our imaginations and how terrible would that be??

Texter/Pixers Beware!

Over the past week, I have been directed by many friends to two fantastic new web sites. Thoroughly enjoyable on two different levels, one tickles your funny bone while the other helps you better tickle... your other bone. But what these sites have also done is set up a state of fear that is far worse than any Swine Flu strain.

What you send from your phone is far more public than you would think... so be sure not to text or pix message anyone who could be a huge d-bag.

The first site is called Texts from Last Night and it is a very good reason why you should flush your cell phone down a toilet the second you get drunk at night. Because anything you text can and WILL be used against you.

This blog is what happens when Twitter and Overheard in NY get drunk and hook up together - people send text messages to be broadcast live to millions of bored 9-5ers like me.

What's funny is that I expected a lot of misspelled mumbo jumbo (read, like the drunken texts I send). What I've actually found is absolute poetic brilliance, the kind that only Captain Morgan can coax out of you. In fact, smart creative writing teachers will direct their students to this site for prompts. I feel like each of these texts is a novel waiting to happen (or at LEAST a short story)

Here are some representative samples of brilliance (please note, the number is the area code of the texter so two different numbers are an exchange):

(760): can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
(760): oh geez, wrong person.

(817): She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
(1-817): OMG. What did u say?
(817): I told her I did too.

(818): Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.

(212): dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
(1-212): idk but i think it had a face

(546): Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.

(248): is swine flu sexually transmitted?
(313): Ha no, why?
(248): sriously ive never had a hangover this bad

Needless to say, I am still waiting for when one of my legendary texts appear there. Knowing the things that I send out, it isn't a far stretch that I might ALREADY be up there.

But at least there is anonymity (most of the time) on this site. On the next site there is NO anonymity whatsoever.

This second NOT SAFE FOR WORK site is one that I will never end up on. Why? Because I don't have an iPhone (and that's the ONLY reason).

Guys with iPhones is, again, just what you would think it is. It's a site full of photos of guys holding their iPhones. Unfortunately for them, most of them are practically, or entirely naked.

Yep. This is why your mother always told you to look both ways before crossing the street, and to photoshop your face out of your full body nudes. If you don't, and your iPhone is in full view, that random you're sending cock n butt pix to could very well share your glory with the rest of the Internet. And before you ask if these people are submitting their OWN photos, I will answer you: possibly sometimes. All I know is that a blog buddy of mine found himself there, and he didn't submit the pix...

And so I'm torn. Do I condemn Texts from Last Night and Guys with iPhones? Or do I herald them? I mean, I get SUCH a kick out of the texts by day... and a LOT of use of the pix by night. But on the other hand, the art of privacy is all but obliterated. Nothing we text or pix is safe. We can't even just get drunk off our ass and send regrettable images and messages.

How do you feel about this? Yay or Nay? Good or bad? Weigh in!

Things Men Are

Hey Everyone,

I hope you all have had a good Monday, and that no one’s dying of bacon-induced fever. Justin talked to us about Swine Flu, our nation’s latest fit of paranoia. Let’s hope it goes the way of Bird Flu and West Nile and Anthrax: limited to a scattering of cases here and there but pretty much over-hyped.

Speaking of pigs, though. Let’s talk about men. In his last post… er… shameless plug for his cute friend’s one-man show, Justin discussed… his friend’s one man show. BUT the show is apparently about being a tiny top. Not down there. Down there he probably looks like King Dong. He’s tiny in the vertical way.

Actually, I have a thing about short guys. I’m not that tall myself, but there’s something about a guy my size or slightly shorter that really does it for me. The sad thing about most short guys though is that you can’t tell them they’re cute or they’ll have a conniption fit. They’re sick of being called cute, they’ve been called adorable and sweet and cute all their lives and they just want to be fucking HOT god dammit. Well you’re cute. Deal with it and shut up and kiss me.



I have another thing about the term VGL. For anyone out there who doesn’t troll around manhunt and the like and is scratching her head in confusion, that means Very Good Looking. Most of the time these people are actually just VBLs. Very Bad Liars. I don’t know about the rest of you, but In my opinion, a nice body does not a hot guy make. That’s a mere third of the equation (half of the equation if we’re just talking sex -You can guess that the other thirds are facial attractiveness and personality, and which one becomes moot for hookup candidates).

I find the level of skeez that is implied in the many abbreviations of a gay profile to be rather off-putting. Like so: “ 25y.o. VGL masc top 10.5x7c. DD free, hot, UB2.” Scuse me while I grab my trashcan and retch. It’s bad enough that you’re having anonymous sex, at least use some real English phrases in there and maybe a ruler.

I do wish I lived in NYC so that I could go see the show, though. Especially since there’s to be a (maybe cute?) deaf boy in attendance with a definitely cute interpreter. I myself am hearing impaired, though I don’t know sign language, I always feel a sort of affinity with the deaf because of my own hearing loss, but at the same time I feel a bit left out since I don’t know what they’re saying with those pretty hands.

Probably the most amazing thing I have ever seen was at karaoke (here we go again) one night, this guy gets up on stage, and he asks the drag queen hostess if she’s got a mic stand. I’m thinking, “Now there’s a diva.” Actually, he needed the mic stand so that he could “sing” the song in ASL. He was deaf. So, Belle Aire, that was the drag hostess, she became his mic stand, and led the entire bar in song. Just proof that you can do anything you damn want, you just need to figure out how.

Stealing the TOPlight

You know what? I'm not done talking about spotlight stealing yet, Jason. No - I'm just getting started. Did you know that we're not the only two gay men on this continent who enjoy the limelight? (Yeah, I knew it too... but just bear with me while I get this intro done, mmmkay?)

My blog buddy (and future Plus One, when he's done with this show!) Lucas Brooks of Top 2 Bottom blog is an actor/student and a vertically challenged top who's finally taking to the stage THIS WEEKEND to rant and air his aggressions in his one-man show, VGL 5'4" Top.

Wait, a gay top blogger who rants? Are we sure this isn't ME in the show?

Yes. Yes we are.

Because I am lucky enough to be a tall top. (Why recent "meet-ups" have thought me to be a bottom are beyond me... (even though my friend and Plus One Alum David of Manchattan's impression of me saying "Oohhhh I only drink vodka with JUICE IN IT!" may be a clue that I refuse to accept.))


Anyway.

You're going to want to go see this show. I mean, even the premise sounds interesting plus fun:

Sick and tired of short jokes and snobbery amongst the gay population, Lucas Brooks, a sexually frustrated and vertically challenged young actor is ready to fight back. Armed with only a laptop and a quick wit, our gallant hero addresses the loaded topic of sex and how it divides us, rather than unites us, in a time of need.

The plight of a short top? Imagine it! Every guy you see assumes bottom. You're a pitcher heading to the pen, only to have them throw that stupid mask and glove at you. Imagine being pigeonholed just because you're short enough to fit through a pigeonhole (what the fuck IS a pigeonhole, anyway? Is it tight at least? No? Damn.)

Oh, and Lucas is doing the show in his UNDERWEAR. (ka-chingggggg!)

Well folks, the show is this coming weekend May 1, 2009 through May 3, 2009 (with a reception at 7PM and performance at 8PM.) Tickets will net you less than a single well drink with tip (10 clams). AND none other than YOURS TRULY will be there, so come say hi!.

But wait, if my super sexy presence isn't enough to sell you the ticket, allow me to break this bit of news:

A deaf person is coming one night.

Now, if you love deaf people, this may have already sold you on the theatrical experience. If not, let me tell you WHY this is awesome: on the night that the deaf guy is there, there will have to be a translator.

And that translator is none other than CAPTAINL0VER OF YOUTUBE! You know him, the hot, usually shirtless guy who does sign language music videos to Britney Spears.


I posted about him here and here .

Of course CaptainL0ver is the cherry on TOP (ooooh unavoidable pun - damn you, English language!) of an already gay sundae (one with rainbows and unicorn eye sprinkles).

You're going to want to buy a ticket here.

Join me this weekend as we revel in Lucas' trials and tribulations, and try to get the numbers of other hot gays in the audience.

Hey, Lucas! What do you say about having stickers outside the door that say "Top" "Bottom" and "Verse" so we can pair off without fear of the Zero Hour revelation of two tops or bottoms, resulting in the night ending in a game of Parcheesi?

Hey, just an idea.

See you guys at VGL 5'4" Top!

And, if you just can't get enough of the show, check out Lucas' two-part interview "Inside a VGL 5'4" Top" (LOVE the title hahaha... every OTHER tops dream, right?)

xoJR

Pig Fuckers!

Hey Jason! Welcome aboard. Loved your first post about being a spotlight lover, I guess that admission, as well as wanting to be a Disney animator, and getting our humble beginnings on LiveJournal are just forty more things that we have in common.

But guess what? Something has been recently stealing the spotlight from us. And it's a pig. Or, at least, a disease issuing forth FROM a pig.

Okay, so can someone please tell me when Swine Flu became all the rage? I only just heard about it for the first time yesterday, from my MOTHER. We were stuffing ourselves with manicotti and meatballs at what my family lovingly referred to as "Easter III" because my Aunt has thrown two consecutive parties surrounding Easter with better food than we usually get at Easter.

My mom got worried, tried to explain that pigs were getting people sick, all while cautioning me to carry hand sanitizer, to wash my hands at every opportunity, to chop off my hands if I couldn't find a sink, but not before I chopped off my brother's hands first (she can't trust him with sharp blades) and to not lick my hands after riding the subway (silly Mom! I cut out the middle man and simply LICK THE SUBWAY!)

Anyway, it was odd that MY MOM was telling ME about a deadly flu. Usually the flow of information goes like this:

Me > My Mom > The Korean ladies who do my Mom's nails >
The People who Make Pocky and Cuttlefish Chips

How did I miss out on a possible epidemic/pandemic? It's not like I'm detached from the world! I knew Bea Arthur was dead mere minutes after she kicked the bucket! (Did the SWINES get her!?) I know about the possible Verizon/Apple deal. Between my Twitter, Facebook, and Google Reader, I have so much NEW information that I'm beginning to forget old information, like my name and the Da Vinci Code (the actual code, not the bad book/movie... that's burned into my skull forever.)

But no, no mention of Swine Flu until my Mom was on the verge of all-out panic and hard tears over ricotta cheese cake and fresh pineapple ("how do we know if a pig touched the pineapple!?")

It's not that I'm upset my Mom scooped me. She lords over her domain - which is a domain of paralyzing fear that everything in this world (imagined and real) is conspiring against her to take my brother and I away from her before she can die first and have us deliver tear-filled eulogies over her open casket.

Regardless, now Swine Flu is suddenly all the rage. Just this morning I noticed people wearing masks on the street. Others are asking if they should stay away from bacon, sausage, and bareback sex with pigs.


Apple is coming up with the iFlu - a strain of the flu that's three times more expensive and that everyone will try to steal from you on the subway. Microsoft, conversely has developed their own strain, which somehow makes you healthier (and is completely incompatible with Avian Flu 2007).

But guess what I found out? This isn't the first time we've shat our knickers about Swine Flu! Check out these fantastic vintage Swine Flu fear ads. This was back when people could say cigarettes had vitamin C, and could outright threaten your very DEMISE on television.

I especially love the eerie music and horrifying visuals of everyone perishing from the Babe Virus in their beds...



First chickens, then pigs. Bovine flu next anyone? Nah... let's be adventurous! I want to be cautioned about "Otter Flu" or "Marmoset Flu" or even "Dodo Flu"... yeah, you make sense of THAT one!

xoJR