A Hag by Any Other Name...

In his last post, Plus One Shawn gave a proper brow beating to Miss California, a girl who, from the looks of it, will soon be leading Teabagging parties with Joe the Plumber and Sean Hannity across our fair (and balanced) nation.

Seriously? You're from California? Do you live in a Mormon compound? Of all the states to be from with such a disgusting opinion (screams, punches things). Any way!

What I actually gleaned from Shawn's post is his upcoming Miss Fag Hag pageant. Sure to be an evening full of glitz, glamour, and gay men, I am very much looking forward to the event. But, it got me thinking more along the lines of nomenclature.

Fag Hag, it seems, is the de facto title used on the best female friends of gay men. But there are two others that I have also heard here in New York City... allow me to dissect.

1. Fag Hag

I've heard this one since I watched Trick on VHS in my tweenage years, secretly dreaming some day I would find a loving gogo boy to be my own. The ultimate fag hag, of course, is Tori Spelling... expressly because of her in this show. This is not a bad thing, considering how she's one of the few people who made it out of this movie with their careers in tact. (Though I DO recall seeing Christian Campbell in All My Children about 6 years ago...)

Fag Hag is a BAWDY term. It practically evokes the vision of a beer wench in my head. It is hardcore, no shit-taking, and brutal. It's for kick ass chicks.

2. Fruit Fly

Unlike the first title, I've only heard this one the past few years. It is a far more gentle title for your best girl. And it's a lot nicer of a title for you, as well, you little fruit. But, perhaps, it's too gentle. Plus, flies vomit every time they light on a surface, and I sure as hell would not have a friend who did that.

If I called one of my girlfriends a fruit fly, they'd probably glare at me. A fruit fly sounds like an older aunt who stuck around with you when your parents stopped talking to you when they found out you did drag. She takes you antiquing and blushes when you talk about taking "gentleman callers" home with you.

3. FLAME DAME:

God DAMN I love this one! Brand new (as far as I can tell) I only first heard this term a few months ago. It's so hot right now. It sizzles! Yowza hachi machi and all that! First off, I am a flame! That burns with passion baby. Watch where you put your hands, or have the aloe handy.

And as for the dame part? Well god damn that's a sexy/nostalgic term for your girl, isn't it? I see one of those pulpy black and white suspense movies, and the Flame Dame is the woman with the mosquito netting flowing out from a floppy/fashionable hat, smoking a long cigarette as she hires the gumshoe for a dangerous mission.

Also, I have referred to some of my ladies as Flame Dames. And guess what? They wear it like a Vera wedding gown. They adore it.

What about you Shawn? Your amazing pageant aside, which name do you prefer?

And hey! Justin Plus One readers! Are there any that I missed?

xoJR

Mawwiage is what bwings...

Controversy!

What a Tuesday so far! First flawed fast food, then flawed pageanteers! Let's talk about Miss California 2009. This weekend this Miss USA Pageant aired on NBC. Super-blogger, pistachio clad, judge Perez Hilton asked Miss California her opinion on gay marriage.

Her response started out as she loves that in America you have a choice for same-sex marriage and OPPOSITE marriage. Is opposite marriage like in bizarro-land? Bizarro Superman and Bizarro Wonder Woman get married? Have their reception first because it's opposite?

Then she hits us with a "In my country and in my family... marriage should be between a man and a woman." I wonder if her whole staff ran off or her make-up artist dipper her lipstick in a huge vat of herpes. I'm all about being honest with your opinions, but don't shit on the folks that basically support you. Remember when Donna Summer said she didn't support the gays? BOYCOTT! You don't have to lie Miss Cali-Plastique, Perez gave a great example of dancing around the issue on Larry King, "You say, you feel the state should decide." Perez, you're my Miss California.

Well, Mzz Cali, in my country and my family, I don't think that women that look like Candice Cayne should say that they're women, they're drag queens.

Also if you want to see real girls in a pageant click here!

Four-ways, Farts, and Fast Food

If you've been watching the news lately, you've probably seen a rash of stories about things going down at various fast food restaurants around America. It's almost as if that stale fry grease and the chemicals injected into the burger patties are taking a mental toll on employees and customers alike.

First there was the Domino's Debacle, where two employees filmed themselves rubbing Domino's sandwiches on their asses, farting on pizzas, and dropping their boogers into delivery orders. While the videos have sadly been taking down, you can read about the horror here:



Personally I was excited by the prospect of Domino's employees jamming boogers and snot into their food - it'd be the first non-scientifically-engineered ingredient the pizza chain has ever used. And, I'll bet that cheesy bread is going to a freshman dorm full of stoners, and they've probably put far worse things in their mouths.

Crazy? Sure! Two bored employees had a chance to single-handedly destroy a chain overnight - the power of YouTube!

But, not to be outdone, news has just recently broken about another fast food chain coming under fire (and other things). Just a few days ago, two children who were brought to Taco Bell by their extremely corpulent parents - who no doubt wish to help them gain weight so they can pass down their clothing - walked in on a foursome between two men and two women in the bathroom...



Can you imagine THAT craigslist ad? Or was this a totally random meetup? Just two girls and two dudes so horny from eating their chalupas that they had to abscond to the bathroom?

What I like, though is that the two gay people (the Domino's employees) were the ones farting on food. While the straight folks were the one quadrupling up in a filthy MEXICAN FAST FOOD RESTAURANT BATHROOM (ew). Talk about a role reversal!

So many questions are raised when one looks at morons.

Why put videos of you doing madly illegal things on YouTube?

Why not lock the bathroom door before you have your Taco Bell tangle?

Well, one thing is for sure: if it weren't for morons, we'd have no YouTube, and I'd have no blog post topics to pen. So I guess I'm grateful.

Meet Monica Potter!

Justin was writing about the theater world, I thought I'd share my actress obsession! Ladies and Gentleman, meet Monica Potter.

I'm sort of obsessed with her because she was supposed to be the next Julia Roberts, but she just can't seem to catch a break. You may (or may not have) seen her in Patch Adams, Along Came a Spider, Saw, Boston Legal or the recently cancelled Trust Me. I've tried to revive her career on my old webshow, Busted and now trying to build her IMDB Popularity today!When I bring her up in conversation, not a soul knows who she is... I'd like to start by saying, "You're Welcome."

Monica Potter was born, Monica Gregg Brokaw in Cleveland, Ohio. She is now married with kids. Can someone please give her a job? TNT just gave her the boot!

Monica, I will bust my ass for you!

9 (thumbs up) to 5 (stars)

Oh Shawn,

You sure know how to find your way into my heart. Starting out your tenure with a rant, and one on Facebook no less! Sir, were we twins separated at birth?

Anyway. In your post, you mentioned the guy who played the Lion in his 99% white, 1% asian high school production of The Wiz. Well, I was that guy. Seriously, I was the Lion in my all-white-jew (and a few guidos) high school production of The Wiz. Except we were asian-free. And two towns over, in the predominantly black neighborhood, that same season they performed Fiddler on the Roof.

Maybe the librettos were just mixed up in the mail?

But all this talk (and by all this, I mean your one sentence) of musical theater has me thinking of a musical I was privileged to see this past week: 9 to 5 the musical!

I'm not going to tell you what it's about. If you're gay and you don't know 9 to 5, you best send back your toaster, your card, and your head. (We'll mix them together and make a piece of edgy art.)

But I will tell you this. Go see this show. No, I take that back. I have a question for you first: Did you see (and like/love Legally Blonde the Musical?) Think this through carefully, and then follow this logic:

If you liked/ loved Legally Blonde - see 9 to 5 right now. Don't wait a second.

If you didn't, stay far far away.

Still not sure? Here are some very representative scenes of the show. Can you stand them? Or is your head exploding?



My friends, you don't go to 9 to 5 for a meaningful, human, redeeming experience (though there ARE a few of those). You go to have fun. You go to tap your feet and wow, gaping-mouthed at scenic effects you haven't seen in years.

At dancing that's so NOT In the Heights-esque that it's hard to believe it came from the same choreographer.

At a score that's so good, it's hard to believe Ms. Pardon hasn't penned a musical before (she damn well better be working on another one!)

Here's the truth, everyone: this cast will break their fucking backs for you. I mean that sincerely. Megan Hilty, Alison Janney, Stephanie J. Block, Mark Kudisch and a company of no less than 100 dancers (including sexy Neil from So You Think You Can Dance!) dance, jump, dive into traps, fly into the air, and artfully maneuver around a hyperactive, never-still set for your applause.



And, god dammit, they deserve it. They don't even stop dancing until the curtain comes down after bows. Drenched in sweat, and panting.

Of course, this show is also hell for me. I get anxious for actors when things get tough up there. And man, is this show tough. Except for a few Meaningful Moments where a character takes an empty center stage to belt wonderfully, they are on the move.

They're jumping rope. They're being thrown into copy machines. The trap door at center stage is hardly shut because something or someone (urinals included) are constantly being belched onto the stage. When I saw the show it was still in previews, and it shows. Things are flying everywhere - including soda cans, file folders, Stephanie J. Block broke her necklace, and kicked off her pump in the final number. Less props, folks! It's dangerous out there!

And man is this spectacle. A bit of adult-ness to it, too. Smoke. Pot. Gunshots. See-through mirrors. Cartwheels and backflips. A boy in a pair of bikini briefs. Morning wood. More than a few F and S-bombs. And one of those computerized background screens (the BEST one I've seen since Sunday in the Park with George - with a visual design as campy and unfettered as the show it accompanies.)

Yes, much like Legally Blonde, 9 to 5 is an injection of caffeine and cotton candy directly into your eyelids. You will either smile wide as cavities manifest, or pass out from sugar shock and wake up complaining about the state of musical theater.

There is no middle-ground here. But I have put my foot down. I enjoy meaningful, grounded, experimental musical and straight theater as much as the next east coast, starched collar bleeding heart liberal private college school grad.

But, goddammit, sometimes I just want to see some hitchkicks!

Want to hear a song from the show? Stop by here and download Shine Like the Sun.

Oh, and wow, as I went digging for videos for posting, I found a cut scene and song from the show! Let me say, it's a good thing the entire song got axed. Yeesh!:

Myfacebookster.com

Ok. Facebook. The phenomenon. The way of life. Please shoot me.

Remember about a month ago when Facebook was fun? Just catching up with good ol' friends from college and high school? The time when you could see that the guy that played the fem Lion in the 99% White/1% Asian version of "The Wiz" in high school is actually married to a woman...with children!!! Shocking and wall-post worthy right?

Those days seem to be long gone.

I'm getting added by strangers all the time. Who are these people? Are they fans (I hope...)? Or are they desperate people trying to build their pathetic internet army so they may conquer their internet insecurities? Or are they people trying to get me to buy or see something? I'm definitely guilty of inviting people to lots of stuff. I try to create groups to target people that might be interested in what I do. If I get one more invitation to see someone's hot new band in Seattle, I'm going to throw my computer into the TV while The Cougar is playing.

Remember when Facebook suggested people you might know? That was fun, remember! "Look, a friend from college, she was a slut! I'll add her!" or "An old co-worker I had a crush on, sweet!" Now facebook is suggesting I become fans of things. Most of the suggestions are brand new comedians just starting out, "I've done three short comedy sets, it's about time I have some fans!" That said, can someone make me a fan page or put me on Wikipedia? Kidding! ...not really.

One last thing...is it just me or do the notification have NOTHING to do with me anymore? They used to say "Chip wrote on your wall. 7 minutes ago" or "Jenny tagged a picture of you. 15 minutes ago." This morning I have "Amy Daria Stephens discovered secret meaning of own name Click here to analyze your own. 56 minutes ago." First of all, I have no idea who Amy is and WHO CARES!!?

Is twitter the next thing to get ruined?

Bottom line. Let's be better at Facebook! Want to know more about my crap? Join these groups! If not, then you won't get a bunch of messages you don't want!

Miss Fag Hag Pageant
Closet Cases
I Like Gay Comedy

Meet Shawn Hollenbach!

Welcome back to another action-packed week on Justin Plus One. A big thank you to last week's Plus One, Steven Le Vine - I loved having you on and can't wait to have you back again!

This week we're back on the east coast - and we're going for the funny again. It is my pleasure to introduce you to this week's Plus One, Shawn Hollenbach.

A well-known stand up comedian round these parts, Shawn can be seen knocking the gays dead at comedy shows up and down the island of Manhattan from Therapy to The Back Room (seriously).

Whether appearing in shows, or hosting his own, he brings an edge to gay comedy that goes beyond simple pandering and bottom jokes.

So give Shawn a hand, get ready to laugh, and leave your tomatoes at home - it's just not cute any more.

My Name:
Shawn Hollenbach

My Location:
New York, NY

My Site/ Sites:
ShawnHollenbach.com
Minty Fresh Comedy

What I might post about:
Abortion, Faith, Monica Potter News, the Unfamous and Invisalign.

What I love:
Unicorns, Monica Potter's Bizarre Career, Tater Tots and Corporate Rock.

What I hate:
Old Roommates, Friendster, Arguing, Homophobia and Fake Typing on Television.

My Last Word:
I’m a twin from a poor family in Pennsylvania. I’ve gotten out and ready to conquer the world!

Justin Plus Soup - Week of 4/12

Whoa! A post on a Saturday!? I know, completely random, right? Well I'm starting a little something new here on the blog.

Recently I've heard from readers that it's hard to keep track of all the posts that fly around on Justin Plus One (there ARE at least four a day). So to deal with this problem, I am creating Justin Plus Soup - a weekly roundup and summary of all that went down from Monday to Friday.

Think of it as The Soup... but without all the crappy reality TV (that's good) or dreamy Joel McHale (that's bad!)


Justin Plus Soup: Week of 4/12

This week I welcomed on sexy, smart and successful gay PR guru Steven Le Vine, the owner of grapeVine PR out in Los Angeles.

Steven kicked off with his welcome post, complaining about the freezing weather that welcomed him to the east coast while telling us all about his history and successful career. Inspired in two parts by his post, I responded with a call to the unemployed and bored to start their own business.

I then posted about Mitch Moffitt, a sexy, talented Canadian who created a 60-second musical and gained YouTube fame.



Steven followed up with a condemnation of the fag haters warning Massachusetts morons about "the gathering storm"

Tuesday brought us a commentary from Steven on how no one should have a boss. A reference he made to Tori Amos inspired me to pen two posts on sexy UK indy artist, Patrick Wolf (including a music video where he gets nearly naked).

Wednesday kicked off with my 701st post where I thanked my readers and my Plus Ones, and brought the smackdown on TV Land's The Cougar. Steven followed up with an apology for only posting once on Tuesday, and an admission that some people actually DO need bosses.

Steven then changed gears and told us how he's single handedly transforming the Screwdriver for the 21st century. After that, I got a bit self-conscious and asked the readership if I rant too much in a post with a bunch of Saturday Night Live clips including BitchPleeze blogger Angie Tempura.



Closing out the night, Steven introduced us to one of his clients (and a future Plus One - ooooh breaking news there!) electro pop superstar and super sexy gay man, Charlie.



Thursday was a very musical day on Justin Plus One. Kicking off with a gushing Brotherly Pride (not the gay kind) post, I updated you on my brother and rising star, Jared Zirilli.



Steven shared with us British surprise Susan Boyle, as well as his very talented Grandma Bea. I closed out the day with a rant (surprise!) about American Idol, taking down Susan Boyle, Adam Lambert and Matt Giraud in one fell swoop.

As quickly as ever, Friday hit. I pimped out Monday's Broadway Beauty Pageant, offering y'all half price tickets to this event featuring near naked boys and broadway elite.



(Tickets are still selling! Get one now, and party with me on Monday!)

Steven, still not over the rant bug took out some aggression on Sugar Daddies and Gold Diggers. With money on the brain, I followed up by telling you what I'd do with a billion dollars.

And then came the tears as Steven penned his Farewell Post, and left us with some wise words from Bruce Springsteen.

---

And that's it!

Woof - we do write a lot on J+1 don't we? Well this was an experiment... and I would really appreciate your feedback. So send me an email, an IM, or leave a comment here or on Facebook and let me know if Justin Plus Soup is worth the effort. I'll do it if you find it valuable!

xoJR

Goodbye for Now

So, it's that time. It's the end of the week. On Monday, I thought a week of blogging two times a day would be a lot, but now it's Friday night. Where has the week gone?

I hope I've given you all a glimpse into my current life and all of its different facets. I've shared with you stories about my business, my extraordinary clients, my thoughts on current pop culture events, things that make me smile and laugh, and things that make me downright angry and indignant. I feel I've only touched the surface, but in one week, it's pretty hard to unearth any more.

Overall, if I were to give you something to take away from this past week, or in general, I would say:

• You're your own person. You're autonomous and should never apologize for being who you are, as long as it is authentic.
• Always chase your true passion. If there are obstacles to get there, that's good. If it was easy, you wouldn't learn anything, and thus wouldn't enjoy the success that comes from conquering them.
• If people say you can't do something, do it and prove them wrong. Don't do it to rub it in their faces, but rather to show them that they can do it too and should never hesitate on trying to accomplish their own goals.
• Allow yourself to be inspired, enchanted, attain knowledge and experience through accomplishments AND mistakes, and to give back to others.
  
• The worst thing anyone can ever have is an ego.
• Family, friends and healthy, loving relationships are light years more meaningful than anything you can ever buy.
  
• Hold the lantern and be the beacon of light for other people who have darkness in their lives. Inspire and teach others to do the same--pay it forward!
• A good work ethic is invaluable.
  
• And most importantly, do what you love to do and you can never go wrong.

Thank you all for joining me on my path, whether it started at the beginning of this week, years ago, or will come years from now. There is no limit on friends, so feel free to reach out to me anytime. (Steven.levine@theprgrapevine.com) I always enjoy meeting new people.

I'm going to leave you with a verse I really relate to, from Bruce Springsteen's "Human Touch," since I love the man and am from his hometown, Freehold Boro.

So you've been broken and you've been hurt
Show me somebody who ain't
Yeah, I know I ain't nobody's bargain
But, hell, a little touch up and a little paint...
You might need something to hold on to
When all the answers, they don't amount to much
Somebody that you could just to talk to
And a little of that human touch

xo
Steve

If I Had a Billion Dollars...

Plus One Steve's last post on gold diggers got me thinking about one of my favorite things - schnitzel with noodles!


Mmmm salty and crispy and meaty, paired with creamy and mushy - it truly is a treat!

Or maybe it got me thinking about money. As a Capricorn I am an unembarrassed lover of all things money. Dollars. Quarters. Gift cards. I want to accrue as much wealth as I can. However, unlike most Capricorns, I don't squirrel it all away forever. I am actually a bit of a media whore.

Yes, I want to be rich. Filthy rich. It's why I'm addicted to playing the lotto. Because I MUST be rich. Disgustingly rich. I want to use dollar bills as toilet paper and toilet paper as DOG toilet paper.

Okay, that's not exactly true. Actually, on the night that Steven and I went out for drinks at Therapy, I told him why I am convinced that untold wealth lies in my future: I will be one of the most awesomest, philanthropic-alicious billionaires ever.

For my own selfish desires, these are at the top of the list:

1. An apartment in NYC and LA
2. In my apartment, the floor would be made of glass, under which would be a fresh water lake with fish, leading to a waterfall beside the front door
3. My bed would be a huge mattress sunken into the floor, like 5 or so feet down, so you could jump into it. c
4. Two purebred pooches - James Joyce the Scottish Terrier and Oscar Wilde the Pug
5. Weekly Broadway shows or events
6. Personal shopper so I don't have to worry about dressing myself
7. Personal chef (so I can have my precious schnitzel whenever I want for it)

All the rest of that money, I would give it away... and much like stupid, lovelorn teenagers plan their kids names two months in to their courtship, I have painstakingly figured out what I'd do with my massive wealth:

1. Each of my family members would get 1 million dollars.
2. Each of my friends would get 1 million dollars
3. I would give 3 million dollars to the community theater i acted in as a kid
4. I would give 3 million dollars each to my elementary school, junior high school, and high school
5. I would give 10 million dollars to my alma mater, Muhlenberg College
6. I would establish five full annual scholarships: One for an English major, one for a Communication major, and one for a Theater major, and one each for a gay and/or lesbian
7. I would start a nonprofit organization (not sure for what cause yet)
8. I'd become a major supporter of the Democratic party

Wishful thinking? Nah. It's gonna happen (especially James Joyce and the water floor... just you watch!)

The Anti-Gold Digger

I'm about to go on a Justin-like rant right now, with something I feel passionate about. Recently, I have been called "The Anti Gold-Digger."

More and more I'm noticing young gay men, mostly in their 20s, who have been palling around with older men, simply for money, material goods, and any other luxuries that can be provided to them, mostly for sex and companionship. Now of course, I'm not talking about younger men who just happen to really love an older man. That's different. I'm talking specifically about guys that do it simply to gain "stuff."

To me, I don't see any difference between this and say, prostitution. And immediately, when I come across either these young gold diggers, or their sugar daddies, I lose complete respect for them.

But I've been told by some friends that it's their prerogative, and I shouldn't judge. But when I see potential in these younger men to go out and make money or a name for themselves from their own accomplishments, without needing to "fake it," it bothers me. It seems like the easy way out, and as if they're giving power over to someone else, when they should be taking it for themselves. But then the question is, do they have the power since they know what they're doing?

I feel like some of these guys do know what they're doing, and others, whether due to lack of self-esteem, or naivete, do it because they don't know what else to do, or they're taken advantage of, or confused. I also believe that these guys do it because they have an inability to form lasting, healthy relationships and thus only engage in relationships or friendships that are superficial, shallow and need-based. They simply are just dilettantes.

Then, what also bothers me, is when these guys pretend they really ARE in love with their older counterpart, and yet it's clear as day they are just being opportunistic. And, what's the point? How can you enjoy getting expensive clothing given to you, or free vacations, when you haven't earned it? I also cannot stand when both these gold diggers and sugar daddies act as if they're better than everyone else. And why would they be, really??

To me, it seems so degrading, and the more and more I see it, the more disgusted and turned-off it makes me. And yet, it could be argued that I'm just jealous, but why would I be, when I can and will create that life for me without needing to give myself over to someone who I'm not in love with, simply for money or items?

So, I'm now turning the question to you:

What are your feelings on gold diggers and sugar daddies? Does it bother you?

Do you just not care?

How would you react if a close friend all of a sudden started doing this?

Do you see a difference between this and prostitution?

Do you think it runs more rampant in the gay male community, as in the straight community?

Why do you feel that young men really engage in this behavior?

Near Naked Boys Singing

Over here at Justin Plus One, I very rarely make suggestions as to what you should do with your time and/or money. That should be proof to you that, when I put my neck out and recommend that you do something, it is because I honestly think that:

A) You will have an amazing time

B) It will do some good for all involved

C) You may get laid (very! important)

D) You won't EVER pay the price normal, boring people pay (read on and you'll see I've hooked you up with a 50% discount)

So allow me to go out on a line and tell all of you to take some of your saved up pennies and check out The Broadway Beauty Pageant.


Hosted by Tovah Feldshuh, currently starring on Broadway in Irena’s Vow, The Broadway Beauty Pageant, formerly titled Mr. Broadway, will feature male cast members representing their respective Broadway shows, competing for the title crown through talent, interview and swimsuit competitions.

Really, for me, the swimsuit part sold it. But that's okay. I'll go on...

Of course a talent show is only as strong as its judges and contestants. Well, the judges are Ana Gastayer (Saturday Night Live, Wicked), Beth Leavel (The Drowsy Chaperone, Young Frankenstein), Charles Busch (The Third Story, The Tale of the Allergist’s Wife) and Seth Rudetsky (Rhapsody in Seth, Chatterbox, The Ritz).

And the boys vying for your votes are an intimate group of sexy motherfuckers: James Brown III (Mr. Little Mermaid), Adam Fleming (Mr. Wicked), Anthony Hollock (Mr. Hair), Tony James (Mr. Lion King), and David Larsen (Mr. Billy Elliot).


The Broadway Beauty Pageant’s past winners, Frankie James Grande (Mr. Mamma Mia) and Marty Thomas (Mr. Xanadu), are also set to perform.



And finally, besides giving you no less than forty erections and fifty chances to get laid, The Broadway Beauty Pageant is also giving its profits to a beyond worthy cause. Namely, The Ali Forney Center (AFC) which was started in June 2002 in response to the lack of safe shelter for LGBT youth in New York City.

Last year a boy named Craig Stevens stopped by The Broadway Beauty Pageant, and he video-blogged the whole experience:



So there you have it. Hot boys. Hot crowd. Near nudity. Broadway stars. And a way to feel good about yourself when you give money to the Ali Forney Center. So buy your tickets now.

And, because they're such fantastic fellas - they've given a special code to Justin Plus One readers. When you buy your ticket, type in the code RAC102 and you'll get tickets FIFTY PERCENT OFF.

That's right. Fuck $50... you'll get this hot shit for $25.

Oh, and you KNOW I'll be there. So come on by and say hi, and let's all do something good... for gays who need shelter, and for your winter-wilted libido.

Spring is here, let's celebrate it Monday!

American Eye-Roll

In Plus One Steven Le Vine's last post, he shared with us Susan Boyle - a Brit who was almost laughed off the stage of Britain's Got Talent, before she blew the whole place away with a rousing rendition of "I Dreamed a Dream."

I'll admit, it is really quite good. All the more because she looked and sounded like a bar wench who was thirty seconds away from offering to "freshen' ya drink guvna?!"

But that is not what this post is about. No. This post is another rant. (Do I rant too much?) Yes, yes I do. But it's who I am baby. I love all of you, and I hate everything else. I'm kinda like Jesus. But gay. And not the son of God. And without facial hair.

Any way. This rant is about American Idol. A show I never found interesting and, to this day, wonder why it is still on. I couldn't tell you much about this show, except its winners and biggest losers every year. I remember William Hung. And Justin Guarini. I am still waiting for Ruben Studdard to take advantage of his victory. I knew Clay Aiken was gay first.

Sometimes I wonder if Idol will ever die. How is its viewership? Do people still care to devote over 3 hours of TV time to a single show? The program has really become the television equivalent of a ballpark frank - stuffed so much with pig toes and raccoon ears that it's tough to get to the actual meat of it. I don't care for montages! Fuck the banter!

I guess it doesn't matter - I get my fill of Idol every week. It's usually 30 seconds of Paula Abdul looking cracked out and crazy on The Soup, and I can only stand even that much because a spoonful of sexy Joel McHale helps the medicine go down.

But really, folks? Why do we still watch this show? Why do my friends have Adam Lambert's voting number on speed dial? Why do we care? The only time this year I regretted not watching the show was when I heard they had an episode where they sang nothing but Michael Jackson songs.

This year, I am still not watching the show. But, despite my efforts, I became invested in one guy. None other than Matt Giraud, who reminds me of Justin Timberlake, and totally rocked MJ's Human Nature.

(PS: A wag of the finger to American Idol, Fox and iTunes - welcome to the year 2009! Stop forbidding people from embedding videos!

I became especially vehement on behalf of Matt when everyone started shooting loads over Adam Lambert and his (I originally thought) meh performance of Mad World.

I really did hate Adam, though. I thought Mad World was too creative. And too sweet. Like mainlining 4 pounds of fudge - a good idea when you take the first bite, and a sugar shock and diabetic coma on the other end. But then I went on iTunes and bought the studio version. And you know what? It's quite good. He just needed someone to reign him in a bit.

So color me Lambert as well.

In the end, I don't give a shit if Adam OR Matt win (are both still in the show? Remember, I don't watch it!) Know why? Because any two-bit agency who has a brain on their neck has already signed exclusive contracts with both of them.

She Dreamed a Dream

Yesterday, a close friend of mine showed me this video and mentioned that it brought him to tears. I quickly wondered what this video could be, and so I watched it. (See it below. It won't let me embed)

See the video here.



It's of Susan Boyle, the latest contestant on Britain's Got Talent, the British version of American Idol. When she first gets on stage, everyone makes fun of her, believing that this woman will be the laughing stock of the show, since she's 47 and dressed in dowdy, matronly clothes, with gray, unkempt hair. But once she opens up her mouth and shows her vocal range, everyone is left astounded and with an embarrassed grin on their faces; the same look a con-artist makes when they think that everyone is dumber than them, until they are caught.

This woman is true beauty. I am so happy for her to get up on stage and disprove everyone who laughed in her face.

However, this isn't always the case. Take for example, my 85-year-old Grandma Bea singing her rendition of "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off:"



That's Ella, Ella Fitzella, YEAAA?

This just goes to show you, never give a grandma an iPod.

Brotherly Pride 4: Goopy Hair and Roger

Steven,

I love having you on here! It's also awesome to see your client base, like electro pop gay idol Charlie - considering how, in my agency career I've represented such superstars as Jim Perdue, and a bunch of pharmaceutical company CEOs.

I know, clearly I'm the cooler one. But it's great having you on board! And tell Charlie I said he's awesome, and I'd love to have him on here as a Plus One if he'd be down for it.

Now, I may not represent a roster of gay up and coming stars, but I am associated with a superstar of my own - my brother, Jared Zirilli.

If you've been to Justin Plus One for a while, you'll know that I often brag about (or give massive props) to my brother. In fact, he came by my office this week and every one of my co-workers told him they didn't need to hear him say a thing, because they knew everything about him. One of my bosses even said "I feel like I've known you since you were a baby."

What can I say? My brother is my hero. He is my role model. He overcame so much in his early life to become an extremely talented, successful, and attractive guy. He's one year out of college and he's already played a lead in a regional theater. I couldn't be more proud of him.

And now? Oh there's so much more success in the wings! First off, he will be playing Roger in RENT at the Hangar Theater in Ithaca, NY this coming June and July (I'll let you know when you can get tickets - maybe I'll even arrange a trip for anyone interested.)

And he just recently had a small commercial gig with MTV and Axe hair products, which you can see here. It's a little long, but the song is catchy. However, if you just wanna see Jared, he appears in Times Square with goopy over-gelled hair at about 2:18:




A great performance, though not as much screen time as his anti-steroid PSA from this past winter:




And then I never posted his performance for a group of agents, singing "Goin' Down" from Hair:




And what the hell? I'm feeling nostalgic, so let's all take a second to see baby Jared of many years ago as Aladdin in Disneyland's Aladdin musical:

He's Making Everyone Go Insane

Because we represent so many interested and talented individuals within the gay community, I would like to share some of them with you.

One client who has stuck behind grapeVine since the beginning has been Charlie Demos, who goes by Charlie.

Charlie first broke out onto the indie music scene a couple of years ago with his self-titled debut album, featuring the first single, "Don't Ever Stop," a soulful song that appeared in Casper Andreas' "A Four Letter Word." (He also made a cameo in one of the film's scenes).



Following his debut album, Charlie released his sophomore effort, "How to be a Boi," last year; an electro-pop record, which sold very well and launched him as one of the gay musicians to watch out for. HX referred to his first single, "Overdrive," as "club ready" and said he "exudes a need to stand out with a youthful Jake Shearsian voice made for electro-pop." His song "How to be a Boi" was also featured on Guest House Films' "3-Day Weekend;" his second single to be featured in a feature film.

Charlie launched his own record label, Soulful Boi Records, and performed all around the Northeast, as well as founding "The Peep Show Revue," a Lilith Fair-like concert held at Williamburg, Brooklyn's Galapagos Art Space, featuring an ensemble of amazing electro-pop indie stars like himself.

With his newest album ready for release in June, entitled "Anatomy 1," Charlie's first-ever music video for the first single from the album, "Insane," debuted on LOGO's Click List at #9 in its first week on the charts. The EP is his third release and will be followed up later in the year by the second part, entitled "Anatomy 2."

Check out his newest music video here, and let us know what you think!



http://www.logoonline.com/video/charlie/357819/insane.jhtml

Do these posts make my rants look fat??

As many of my Plus Ones (Austin Helms! David! Chris Ryan!) have noted, I enjoy ranting. A lot. Often. And always.

What can I say? Much like how poets and novelists pen better works when they want to slit their wrists and beat the fluid out, or emo bands write better crap when their girlfriends fuck their drummers, I feel I write better comedy when I need to bitch about something.

So rant I do! When I'm drunk, and I go on a rant, my voice tends to get louder and my hand gestures more grandiose and ginzo, and people USUALLY have a great time of it.

But last night as I reviewed last Saturday's SNL, I came across a relatively new (read: she's been on once before) character named Angie Tempura. She's the head blogger of fake gossip blog "bitchpleeze.com" who shows up on Weekend Update, laptop and Starbucks iced coffee in hand, and a pound of snot in her nose.

She is notorious for dropping bad, snarky puns about movies she hasn't seen, and then yelling biiiiitch pleeeeze!

And so I fear: Am I Angie Tempura? Are people all secretly laughing at me when I bitch about people using their umbrellas like fancy canes?

I hope not, but you be the judge:



Oh, and while I'm on the subject of Weekend Update characters. I ALSO hope I don't sound like or act like the two gay guys from New Jersey...



But, contrary to popular belief, I actually wouldn't mind being considered similar to Gilly:

Bringing the Screwdriver Into the Modern Age

If I were to go before the Court of Gay, I would probably be found guilty.

You may ask me, "what for, Steve?"

I am guilty for drinking Screwdrivers when I go to bars or restaurants. Yes, I admit it. Screwdrivers. The classic Highball cocktail of the 1980s.

But, if I were to attempt to exonerate myself, I might explain it to the judge like this:

Your fabulous honor. I really like your rainbow robe. It suits you well. Ha ha! ohhh. okay..lame joke. No more ridiculous puns. Anyway, I stand before you today to ask you to find me innocent in this matter. It is true that I like to order an Orange Juice and Vodka cocktail, also known as a "Screwdriver," in 2009. But please, open up your mind.

I have taken this cocktail and turned it into the modern day drink for the gay man. It's called the Ketel One and OJ. Yes, you heard me right. The Ketel One and OJ. You may ask, "how does substituting the brand of alcohol and calling it by a different name change anything?" And I would say, "It in fact changes everything." The drink has now been re-branded with a fresher, more modern image. The image of a higher-quality vodka and a name that takes away from the old vision of a Member's Only Jacket-wearing yuppie drinking after his tennis game.

A few months ago, when ordering a Screwdriver at a bar, I was shunned by the bartender and all of the patrons. But when I termed it a Ketel One and OJ a week later, I got a wink and a compliment. I ask you to look inside yourself your honor and forgive me for my crime of ordering Screwdrivers. From now on, I will no longer refer to it as a Screwdriver...I will only refer to it in its 2009 incarnation, The Ketel One and OJ, the drink for the popular gay man looking to have a good time, enjoy a great drink and to let his hair down, rather than his mullet.

Thank you, your honor.

Recipe for Ketel One & OJ:

1.) Get a Highball or Collins Glass
2.) Pour (AT LEAST!) 2 ounces of Ketel One premium vodka over ice
3.) Fill the glass with 4-6 ounces of freshly squeezed orange juice (no pulp)
4.) Add an orange wheel or angostura bitters for garnish (optional)
5.) Stir and serve

Blog of Shame

...so... I'm calling this the "Blog of Shame" appropriately because I wasn't able to post anything yesterday, as I was running through meeting after meeting all day in New York City yesterday. But my excuse is that I was hanging out with Justin, so it's all good.

This is also Part 2 of yesterday's post, which was all about having self-discipline in order to work for yourself. What I want to express in this unofficial "Part 2" is that not everyone CAN work for themselves. And that is okay. Not everyone has a mentality that allows them to be totally autonomous. Some people just are "busy bees" and can only work for someone else. They're not self-starters and cannot govern themselves when it comes to work. But there is nothing wrong with that. Everybody has different work methods...some work for some...some work for others, but they don't always both work in the same situations.

It's kind of like the galaxy. Let me preface this by saying that I am related to the late Carl Sagan, who is probably known as one of the most famous astronomers ever. He wrote "Contact" and he also wrote the show "Cosmos" and became famous for his term "billions and billions" when referring to the stars. However, while I am deeply intrigued by space and astronomy, I know hardly anything when it comes to the subject. I'm not a very mathematical person, and it takes that kind of thinking for the most part to understand the complexities of space and our relation to it as human beings and creatures of this planet.

Anyway, my point (can ya GET to it already, Steve!?) is that there are "billions and billions" of stars in the galaxy. Some are bigger than others, some are teeny tiny. Some burn really bright and give off a lot of light, while others are very dim and can hardly be seen. But at the end of the day, they're all brought together by gravity, and because of that they're all one unit, even if they're broken down into all of their differences. They all have an essence, or a "soul." And not one is better or more important than another (I guess you could argue this..since the sun definitely provides a huge value to us in the Milky Way galaxy, but then again, we have hugely influential people in the world, and people who don't really contribute at all, so not everything is totally equal). And this may not be the best example, being that most stars don't really have a value..they kind of just exist. But, they still exist for a reason and they are all still held together, even if they're all separate.

In the world of work and business, you have many people who can only float around and work for other people, and don't have it in them to be an entrepreneur. And you have other people who cannot work under anyone else, and can ONLY be an entrepreneur. And then of course you have versatile people who can do whatever depending on the circumstances. But they all play a part in the "galaxy" of business.

My belief is that it's okay if you are different in your work style, but be honest with yourself. Don't call yourself an entrepreneur; don't expect to go into business for yourself if you honestly can't discipline yourself. It won't work. And if you're an entrepreneur, well, sometimes you do need to start out working under someone else, or need to at some point in your life, let's say, if something like the recession gets to your business and you have no other choice. But, just be able to figure out which one you are.

And if you'd like to figure out for yourself, I found this quiz that may or may not help:
http://www.4hb.com/0830bcttakethequiz1.html

Whatever the case is, just know what is right for you and what will ultimately make you happy. Because despite the circumstances, if you do what makes you happy, what makes you get up in the morning and what you are passionate about, then that will ALWAYS drive success, whether in life, business or relationships.

701 Posts and a Cougar

Good morning Justin Plus One! I am coming to you live from my desk, carton of freshly re-re-branded Tropicana with straw hanging out of my mouth. Last night I met up with Plus One Steven and we had ourselves a crazy, fun little time at Therapy.

A lot you are not aware of goes on behind the scenes of Justin Plus One. To give you a week of fun and entertainment and insight, there are tons of emails, text messages, phone calls (and, in the case of two time Plus One Alum Austin and I, phone sex) that must occur. It's arduous and exhausting. So it was great to have a few drinks and laughs amidst the insanity.

First I would like to wish you all a happy 701 posts! Yes, it is true. Since its inception last October, over 700 posts of Justin Plus One goodness have graced www.JustinPlusOne.com. I'd like to thank you all for your continued readership. It's YOU who makes Justin Plus One what it is. (Because, seriously, if you guys didn't come, I wouldn't be posting.) And allow me to say I'm VERY excited about some upcoming Plus Ones. I'm not going to blow my load yet but, rest assured, there's some good ones on the way!

I'd also like to thank my long and growing line of Plus Ones. The early adopters, the midstreamers, my repeating alumni. Again, without you, this blog is just Justin... and it's the Plus One that gets people jazzed.

And finally, I would NOT like to thank Nickelodeon's TV Land. Once a dumping ground for black and white Nickelodeon and Nick at Nite programming, TV Land is now treading into dangerous waters. Murky REALITY TELEVISION waters.



Now, one might think that TV Land would have some wits about them and maybe launch a program that had something to do with them or their programming. Not so. I imagine that the conversation in the Nickelodeon board room went something like-a this-a:


Guy in suit: Well gentlemen, our viewership is continuing to decrease steadily. Who knew that no one would want to watch a 4-day marathon of Dobie Gillis?

Co-worker: I still don't understand it! Everyone loves Maynard G. Krebs - he's a timeless badass!

Suit: Any way, we need to do something before Nickelodeon shuts us down or fills our lineup with Degrassi reruns.

Co-worker 2: Perhaps we should have some NEW programming. I mean, I know we're supposed to be a dumping ground for programs gone to Jesus, but didn't Animal Planet just rebrand? We can do the same thing.

Suit: Keep talking.

Co-worker: Yes! That is a fantastic idea! But we don't really have the time or budget to do something scripted.

Co-worker 2: Well then maybe we should go for reality programming, it's so hot right now.

Suit: Yes! But what will it be about?

Co-worker: Well, we could have a show that recasts a classic episodic program!

Suit: That sounds interesting...

Co-worker 2: Or we can have an elimination contest where people show their love of our classic programming.

Suit: You know... I'm just not feeling it...

Co-worker: Or we can just find some MILF somewhere, a bunch of 20-something douchebags, and pay a buttload of money to the former creator of The Bachelor.

Suit: Gentlemen! We may have saved TV Land yet!


This was not a joke, this was the actual conversation that occurred. I have a recording to prove it... I just misplaced it. But as a result of this meeting came Nick's TV Land new reality show: The Cougar.



I shit you not. A product of retarded people thinking they understand trends, and seeing a couple of Saturday Night Live skits, we now have a reality show where an older woman picks from a bunch of younger douchebags. On TV Land. And it's hosted by Vivica A. Fox? Jeez, man.


It's times like this that I shake my head (to clear the blood out of my eyes) for the state of television. How far we've fallen! Can't we just get a few more episodes of Petticoat Junction? Or maybe some interviews with the few remaining living cast members of Happy Days?



Apparently I am expecting too much. Instead I must watch this tripe (or at least see billboards on the subway.) Oh, did I mention that Stacey the Cougar has a Twitter? My favorite would be one of her most recent tweets:

"Only 2 days... I'm really nervous. I hope that this show breaks the stereotypes people have about Cougars."

Whoops... there's that blood from my eyes again!

Wolf Him Up

Patrick Wolf, hottie extraordinaire, whom I profiled one post ago has a new music video named Vulture. One where he gets practically naked. Go ahead and drool - but you damn well better appreciate the music too!

xoJR

Hungry like the (Patrick) Wolf

In his last post, Plus One Steven compared the brilliance and hard work of music God Tori Amos to his own drive to be his own boss. I too would one day like to be my own boss. I'd also like to rule the world... I figure one will naturally follow the other.

But the second I read about Tori, I started thinking about music in general - and one particular musician came to mind. One who is New York bound next month.

His name is Patrick Wolf and he is what happens when you take Morrissey and Rufus Wainwright and slam them together, and then have them write indy music in the UK.

I must here thank my friend Krissy, for it is she who introduced me to the wonder of Wolf this past winter. You should all also visit her blog, it's awesome if you dig music of the non-pop variety.

Any way, back to my future husband Patrick. He looks like your standard run of the mill dyed haired twink. But the voice that comes out of his mouth just doesn't match up. It's deep. It's powerful. It's very Morrissey, yet completely unique. He writes his own music and he is currently crowd-funding his next album so he can be totally his own with no studio intervention.

I really respect that.

Here's one of his most popular songs and videos, The Magic Position:



and here's him playing his song "Bluebells" in his lounge:



Like what you're hearing and seeing? You should stop by Patrick Wolf's official YouTube channel.


Oh, and while you're at it, join me, my friends Krissy, Bruce and Ben at Patrick's tiny show this coming May 6 at 10 PM at Le Poisson Rouge. You won't regret it. So buy your cheap-o tickets here!

Oh, and all of his albums are available for purchase on iTunes. So get with it and get The Magic Position, Lycanthropy, and Wind in the Wires.

Like, now.

xoJR

Answering To the Devil

I had a great meeting yesterday with a good friend of mine and former boss who I love to death. When I walked into her office (which is an old converted carriage house from the 1700s), I felt like I was walking into another home. She has become an extension of my family.

During our conversation, she mentioned that she got chills down her spine thinking about ever having to work for someone else again. She wasn't saying she would have to do it, but just saying that in the past, after having gone to work for herself, the very thought of it creeped her out beyond belief. I attested to that observation and said that it also sends chills up and down my spine.

Working for myself has taught me a lot about self-discipline and doing what needs to be done despite the circumstances.

When I worked for past bosses, and even when I worked throughout my HS and College life, I would complain, complain, complain. If it was too early, I wouldn't want to get up for work. If there was a long drive to meet a client, I didn't want to go. And, if I had to work a full M-F week, I would never be able to make it through. Not to say I was a poor employee...I really always had a strong work ethic and got the job done. But I still didn't realize self-discipline.

It wasn't until I started working for myself and having real clients under me that I realized. You see, now there is no one to answer to (aside from clients), which is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I don't have a boss to breathe down my neck. At the same time, I have no choice but to do what needs to get done.

Waking up this morning and opening my window to see that it's a cold, dreary, rainy day, my immediate instinct was to not get out of bed and not trek into New York City for a few meetings with clients and friends. INCLUDING, Justin himself, who I will be having drinks with at Therapy. But, immediately, being a businessowner, I told myself to shut up. I am lucky to be able to be in this position, and I love my clients and wouldn't be anywhere without them. So if it means getting on a bus for an hour and getting a little cold and wet, then I will do it.

I will do whatever it takes to make my clients happy and to keep my business going. And I soon learned (months ago) that when you have a business and no one to answer to (and technically, when you do, as well), you ALWAYS do what it takes to make people happy, even if it includes working a full day while running a fever and being sick as a dog. This might, however, be considered "a workaholic." I consider it "getting the job done."

I realized this a lot when I saw my favorite musical artist Tori Amos (who I almost scored as a client last summer and hope to represent one day) perform in New York City at Madison Square Garden's theatre. When she went over the city's imposed curfew, stating that she had to get off the stage, she knowingly kept performing for a full 15 minutes after, knowing that she would have to pay an exorbitant penalty per minute. She finished out her whole set and not once did she give a flawed performance of any of the ending encore songs. She kept going, with passion, and has been known to do this at many of the shows. This is because she knows that making her fans happy and giving them a solid, A+ show is worth the money she'd spend to go overtime.

There's a Gathering Storm? That's funny! It's sunny out.

So you're all probably aware of this video put out my NOM (National Organization for Marriage)



What it SHOULD be called is the "National Organization AGAINST Marriage" because that's what they seem to be about.

There's a gathering storm coming? I wasn't aware. Maybe it's just because I live in Southern California, where, as Albert Hammond puts it simply, "never rains."

Do these people live in Seattle? That might explain it.

What I just love about this video is how it has now been turned into a camp classic, with people turning it into remixes using hits like "It's Raining Men" and editing in clips of "The Wizard of Oz," to make total fun of it. (which they really didn't need to do, since it's pretty comical all by itself).

I think these people really need a sense of humor. I am going to prescribe them a dose of this medicine. I think it would cheer them up. Here is a group of people who don't worry about a storm, unless it involves raining borscht, matzoh ball-sized hail and loud thunder produced by guilt-inducing Jewish grandmothers with a flatulence problem. ;)

For your viewing pleasure, I present you with Seth's Bar Mitzvah.



-Steve

When Freezing Cold Twinks Attack (through song!)

In Plus One Steven's first post, he lamented the frigid air that welcomed him to the East Coast the other day. I can feel his pain, having just come back from Florida where I somehow got sunburned in less than 30 seconds, I am definitely feeling the cold of New York City. But, hey! So long as it's not snowing, right!?

Most people (note: me mostly) bitch and moan about the cold. They layer up and whine about it. They squint their eyes against the flying snow and polar bears and cry about it. They spray complaints in every direction as they tie up their huskies to their sleigh to get downtown for happy hour.

But then there are others. Like Mitchell here. I don't know much about him besides:

A) He's totes cute
B) He's talented (he wrote a one-minute musical number, he choreographed it, he got a full company!)
C) He's from Canada
D) He reeeally wanted to get that job as a blogger for the Island Reef

His name is Mitch and I found a link to his video application for the ridiculously ridiculous Island Reef blogger job through a Twitter friend of mine, @DavidPoon (another cute Canadian!) Unfortunately Mitch didn't win the Australian contest, he didn't even place in the Top 16.

I think this is dumb of Australia. He's clearly a talented, popular fella who can persuade a gaggle of Canadians (or is it murder, ey?) to dance up and down some Canadian Main Street with him. And if there's anything Australia could benefit from, it is a sudden influx of gays with sex to have and money to spend (perhaps on sex!)

But yes! Bravo Mitchell. I somehow have your song stuck in my head. I am driven to do a similar video, even without such a reason as you had. I also might be in love with you (give me a few days to sort this warm mushy feeling inside of me... it might just be the harmonies). You took your frigid surroundings and used them to inspire you to create something fantastic.

Plus, it's a pleasure to hear someone sing well after Plus One Alum Clint practically deafened us last week by singing "Popular" from Wicked.

And now I will share it with the rest of you... enjoy!



PS: Who's that crazy snow-throwing girl in the beginning? I want her to be my best friend.