Friday, March 13, 2009

Future sex / Plug sounds

Being a Plus One has been fabulous, and it is with pause that I post my last entry of the week. There are so many more amazing stories to be told – tales of debauchery, depravity, and Davi-ty. Fortunately, until I return for my next stint as a Plus One, there is another opportunity to experience all my sassy stories of sordid singledom. Yes, I’m plugging my own blog, a journal about cocktails, sex, and New York City called Manchattan.

And only for you, Justin Plus One readers, I offer this exclusive look at upcoming stories. Every one of these will be posted on Manchattan in the upcoming weeks. Or, as I like to call it,

This Season on Manchattan:

David invites a boy over for Hot Toddies ... and gets beaten by a twink at his own game!

An authentic Quickie – full-blown sex in under 17 minutes?


David squirms his way into a pair of extra-small underwear at a bar.

How to Sleep with Cute Twinks – a Step by Step guide.


So join me on Manchattan, and keep reading Justin Plus One. Bottoms up!

My Slutty Spring Anthem


Every season I find one song that hits me hard. Evoke the right feelings. Just begs to be blasted from club speakers above sweating, dancing, shirtless masses. Of course this is a song of MY choosing. I assert no say over what others think. These are songs that just... get me riled up.

Last Summer it was Break the Ice

Last Winter was Cry For You


And, just in time for Spring, I've been acquainted with Britney Spears' "If U Seek Amy".

Sure, I'm a bit late - but I don't follow Miss Spears diligently. So it took the release of the new music video to get my attention. And what a video it is!

Sure, the video has its fair share of detractors. But I like it. Especially the fact that she's coming to life in some sort of wide-spanning, multi-ethnic, pan-sexual orgy.

And I'm not the only one who enjoys the video. Britney's fans (who spell EXCELLENTLY and don't put any fear of the future of our country in my heart) seem to love it too:
"i love dis video is ODE!! sexy and i don't understand the lyrics but is ok!1 iight i love britney 4 everrr"

"what an awsome video!!very clever and so creative!!britney you're the best!!and you keep on showing it!!thank u so much for that!!"

"I Love the video! it tells allot more about her personal then you should think, a little bit of a puzzle just like britney that's what makes her one of a kind preformer. I saw the first pics of her tour, Amazing! I can't tell you how amazed I was in just 125 words. Keep up the good work! you've been a rolmodel for alLof us. You don't give up."
One thing that was NOT covered in any of the fawning fans comments, however, was the sexy "news anchor" that starts the video out to explain to those simple folks who didn't get the "top secret hidden profanity" that anyone with a head would have discovered upon seeing or hearing the title of the song. She's my favorite part.

Look at that smirk she gives. Award-winning.


As I said on Facebook "give that woman a trophy and retire her as champion - no one's allowed to smirk ever again."

Anyway. If you haven't seen the video... it's right below. If you have, watch it again. And if you're ever out with me when it comes on. Well... look the fuck out.

xoJR

The One Where David Admits He Was Wrong


I’m doing it – I’m admitting I was wrong. About, of all things, Facebook.
During my last Plus One, I wrote a post about how I was anti-facebook, and mentioned about how it literally made people mad that I didn’t have an account. This came to a head one day when a co-worker of mine, Lily, got so upset that I wasn’t on Facebook, she decided to create an account for me. She created it, wrote descriptions of me, uploaded some pictures she had of me, her and our colleagues. Then it started to backfire. I sent her a couple pictures to post. Then a couple lines of description. Then I started getting friend requests... which she forwarded on to me via email. The next thing we knew, she was my full-on Facebook Personal Assistant. And still is. She sends me daily updates, invitations and friend requests, I sit at my desk like a dictator and bark out “Approve! Decline! REJECT!” It’s pretty brilliant.

Before I get to the David was Wrong part, indulge me in a few lines of David was Right. Facebook is annoying, just as I predicted. 80% of the updates are stupid and inane – no one cares that your banana was half green and half brown. People need to stop throwing lawn chairs, gorillas and the Chrysler building at me – if I’m gonna get Super-Poked, it better be by a hot boy with a big schlong. And most annoying: I do NOT want to be “friends” with those annoying losers from college and *high school* who found me god knows how (if you’re on facebook just searching names of your classmates from 10 years ago: get a life). We weren’t friends then, and I have no interest in you now.

And yet... I was wrong. Wrong to resist it for so long. Wrong to think I would have no use for Facebook. Because I do have a use for it, and that use – is hot boys. Since joining Facebook, I have hooked up with 3 different boys (all very cute) and constantly flirt with scores of others. One of those three was a guy I’d slept with before and lost track of, one was someone I’d met years ago but who had a boyfriend at the time, and one was someone I met at a party and “facebooked” the next day, just like all the kids are doing. None of them would have ended up in my bed were it not for this website.

And so now, with the help of some shirtless pictures, I regularly use Facebook in the manner it was intended: as the new gay hookup site. If you’re a cute gay boy, feel free to Friend me. My Facebook Personal Assistant may even approve you.

Party Hardly


I never thought of myself as one who leads a crazy/exciting/out-there life... but in the eyes of my co-workers and superiors, this is apparently the case. When I come into the office at 9:30AM and speak of the previous night's activities -
  • dancing at Splash til 1,
  • drinking at Contact past midnight,
  • dining with my polygamous exes and their current boyfriends/monogamous steadies,
  • exchanging clothing and such with exes that will never eat with me again...
They eat it up. They laugh and shake their heads: "You're crazy! How can you live a life where you're out almost every single night?" "How are you still so enthusiastic and energetic?" "I'm in bed by 10 and STILL exhausted!"

I don't think it's crazy at all. Am I? It seems like the people I'm partying with, the groups of pals that I hop between... they seem to live their lives the same way - so I'm in good company.

But at my company, I guess I'm a bit of a wonder? They're waiting for the day I don't come in to work due to a hangover (hasn't happened yet!) They're waiting for my life to take a toll on me, so they can be assured that I am not some sort of party robot with an infinite charge on its battery.

Apparently I am some crazy guy? Most of my coworkers go home and are in bed before 11. They marvel that, even when I'm at home chilling I'll stay up past 1AM for the heck of it. My stories are in high-demand, because they're ridiculous, insane, hilarious. Dating stories, the guys I meet, the things I do, the things I shouldn't have done.

Again, is my life REALLY that insane? I'm usually out 6 nights a week. But being "out" can be chilling at a friend's place, or at a bar, or a movie, or just hanging around the city. I'm lowkey on Saturdays and Sundays, having my buddies over to watch TV and recharge.

What about you? How often do you go out? How often do you stay in? Am I really burning the candle at forty ends?

xoJR

Thursday, March 12, 2009

D2 and See Pee Pee Oh!


I was at a party recently, and met a really hot boy. He was insanely cute – sparkling blue eyes, baby face – nice body. He’d lifted up his shirt and shown off the hottest little pert nipples... I so wanted him. Unfortunately my friend D2 so had him. (He’s another David, hence D2). They were laughing, flirting, touching... I knew where it was going. I tried in vain to insert myself into the conversation, to laugh along, to flirt a little – no avail. 15 minutes later they were making out next to the window. 5 minutes after that they were saying their goodbyes. They left the party together. I’d lost, and I hate to lose.

Two weeks later I’m having drinks with the boys. Of course the talk turns to recent tricks. Of course no one is holding back, least of all D2. Of course Nipple Boy comes up.

“Remember him?” D2 was asking “You might have met him at the party...”

Oh I remembered.

“We went home together...”

I braced myself. Ready to hear details like “He had the MOST amazing ass!” or “He did things I didn’t know were possible!” or “He was the greatest lay I’ve ever had!”

D2 took a swig of his drink and looked at us. “He pissed in my bed.”

My jaw dropped. “What???”

“Oh you heard me,” he replied.

“Wait,” I said trying to clear my head, “did you have sex?”

“Oh, sure we had sex, drunken sex but it was fine, then we fell asleep. And it was all good til the next morning, when I woke up, and put my arm around him, and felt something wet. Like, a lot of wet. His whole side of the bed was wet.” I just shook my head, as D2 continued. “I said to him, ‘Why is this wet?’ and he looked all confused, and he got up, and I was like ‘Did you spill water?’ and he was all ‘Um, maybe...’ and then suddenly he had to go, and got dressed and ran out, and when I took off the sheets, there was a big yellow stain on my mattress. He totally pissed my bed.”

The other boys laughed. I did too, but all I could think was: if I’d “won;” if I’d gone home with him that night like I’d wanted to, it would be MY mattress with the yellow stain. I guess I didn’t lose after all.

Twinks just want to have fun



That crazy Davey Wavey is up to it again. What's that? You don't remember shirtless, Canadian, meditating, exercise-video-creating Davey Wavey? Well you should... I did a painstakingly detailed post on him months ago.

Well Davey Wavey is always putting up new videos - all with him in a state of shirtlessness. His latest video was tough to ignore though. It seems he's turned a corner and is innovating his standard video fare - in that he is now long-distance collaborating with his viewership in two-person videos.

I can't say this video is funny. What I can say is that his long-distance "Blog Buddy" is probably 16 years old and is so skinny that I want to throw hamburgers at him. Personally I'm shocked to find a skinny, young-looking guy I wouldn't want to meet. But this kid looks 12 and in that meditational stance, he looks like an easel with blonde hair. And good lord he can NOT throw a punch.

Oh, and really? They don't rotisserie crispy strips... they fry them. Then again, something tells me he's never been in a KFC - or any place that serves food.

Is it considered pedophilia if you co-star in a video with an underage guy who keeps asking you to "fill him"?

You be the judge.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Humpin'


Last night David shared with us the story of a very loud, very fratty, very Greek-y hook-up of his. I must admit, I do agree that sounds can be a turn-on when getting it on. But there's a limit to all things. If you get too loud, it sounds like you're putting on a show. And, oh yeah, we live in New York in boxes stacked up on top of other boxes. So bite a pillow and SHUSH!

Anyway, almost as if by divine intervention, former Plus One (and ex-wife) Carla sent me this video this morning. It's called "Horny Turtle". And after watching it, some yelled Grecian odes don't sound so bad right about now.

And this isn't one of those well-thought-out or intelligent YouTube videos.

No - it's just a turtle getting it on with a sneaker. And no, I'm not kidding.

It gets a little racy... but the sound Yurtle makes? Like a hamster getting squished by a doggy chew toy.

Yeah, David, what if your guy sounded like THAT?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Greece Frightnin'


I recently hooked up with a guy who was very loud in bed. Which is fine, sometimes – it makes everything hotter in the moment, and lets you know that you’re certainly doing something right! But it reminded me of an incident that happened a few years ago, when I’d hooked up with a bona-fide Frat Boy.

Lots of gay men have a Frat Boy fantasy – I dunno if it’s about the (alleged) straight-ness, or the living in a house with a bunch of men, or the potentially naked hazing... Anyway this one was especially proud of his Greek-ness. I think it’s because he wasn’t just Frat-Greek, he was Greek-Greek – as in he’d been born somewhere outside of Athens. Of course he was totally Americanized... or so I thought.

That night we went back to my place and soon enough we were parking the pink Plymouth in the love garage. Soon we reached the point where I could tell he was about to climax. And then climax he did, and was very vocal about it. But the vocals were nothing I’d ever hear before.

"Ιερά Ψάρια αυγά! Μητέρα φυστικοβούτυρο! βραχίονα μαλλιά προσκοπίνα λεπτό μέντας! Γυρίστε μου σχετικά με ένα δολάριο την άμμο! Βροχές κουτί άμμου πάνω μου! στροφές και το νερό το πρόσωπό μου πράσινο! αγοράζουν μου ένα κόκκινο φεγγάρι!"

What the hell was he saying? Was it good? Bad? Uncontrollable? Was he really so lost in the moment that he unconsciously reverted back to his native tongue? Part of me really wanted to know what he’d said, but I felt it better not to ask. It was all Greek to me.

Product Placement: Broadway Killed the Video Star

This past week my friend R. and I watched the blu-ray of the final performance of RENT that I bought two weeks ago. I cried like a bitch in all the right places and thoroughly enjoyed the video.

First off, the cast was quite good (Michael McElroy! Eden Espinoza!)


(See the first 8.5 minutes of the show here!)

Second, they really took advantage of the blu-ray's power - I haven't seen such great picture quality to date.

And third (and most importantly): I now have my own copy of RENT that I can watch whenever I want.

And it leaves me to wonder: why hasn't Broadway figured out how to do this for every show yet? Why can I not go out and buy a DVD copy of every show that closed on Broadway in the past 10 years? I know that there is a video copy of EVERY show that's hit the Great White Way. I also know that those videos are completely off limits in some library at Lincoln Center, under the watchful eyes of mutant guard dogs like those in Ghostbusters.

So... what gives? Yes, I know there are copyright issues. I know there are rights issues with actors. But guess what? That excuse is no longer good enough. Broadway needs to get creative and figure out a workaround.

Broadway is a square of streets in the middle of one city on one coast. That's why the Tonys are so unpopular - because a majority of America has never been to Broadway, nor cares to (and also because Hugh Jackman needs to come back and host, pronto). Versus the Oscars, which is a huge event - because everyone can enjoy a movie, wherever they are.

Sure we can send out touring casts, and we do. But those ticket prices are still expensive. What about for people who can't afford a ticket? Does Broadway not want to offer them another alternative that still makes them some profit?

Broadway needs to get its shit together, and start video taping and mass distributing their musicals on DVD. Go ahead and make it 35 or 40 bucks if you need to. Guess what? I'd still buy it. So would all of my theater queen friends.

And then there are shows like Legally Blonde the Musical. This show reinvented Broadway marketing. They experimented with mobile, they did blogging and video blogging, they formed unique partnerships both online, and off. They even created a reality show and broadcast the actual musical on MTV.

WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SHOW NOT ON BLU-RAY AND DVD?

Seriously! Come on man! You've GOT the show! ON TAPE! Put it out!

And I don't care what people's arguments to the contrary are. Anyone who thinks that less people will see a Broadway show because they already saw it on tape is a moron. I've seen tons of shows on tape - I still see them live. There are bootlegs all over the Internet... still shows get record numbers in the audience.

Anyone who says it's "not as good" is right... but for many people - that's the best they'll get, and for people like me, we saw it five times in the theater, now it's gone, and we want to be able to continue watching it forever.

In a recession, where shows are shuttering at a rapid clip, Broadway needs to find a new revenue stream.

This is your answer, Broadway. So get your SHIT TOGETHER.

(Oh, and everyone go and buy the final performance of RENT on DVD. Let's send the right message and reward those who made the smart move doing this.)

This Week's Random Rant: The Mold and the Beautiful

My last Weekly Rant as a guest on J+1 came to you from the men’s locker room at the gym, and this one does as well.

What can I say – the locker room is an interesting place. It is often filled with hot guys who have amazing, rock-hard bodies, and they are usually in various states of undress.

Unfortunately, it is also often filled with old, chubby, ugly men. Who are also in various states of undress. Scratch that. The latter group is not in a state of undress – they are naked. Fully naked, with their hairy fat sagging bellies, jiggling man-boobs, and cottage cheese asses sloshing around for everyone to see. They are downright moldy.

The hot guys, with the tight, toned firm bodies, perfect pecs, budging muscles, and tight, rock-hard butts that you could bounce a quarter off – they are not naked. They are always covered by clothing, or a towel, or sometimes both. These amazing specimens should be proudly naked – all the time, by law – yet they are always the ones doing the pull-on-my-underwear-under-my-towel dance. While the hideous blobs of aging flesh are letting their shriveled nuts and berries hang out like a rancid four-day-old buffet.

Why!? WHY do the incredibly gorgeous guys feel the need to hide those perfect bodies that I want to lick up and down like a popsicle? And why for the love of all things holy do the crusty, flabby disgusting men have no shame about their nasty bodies – when they should! Be ashamed! It’s seriously an epidemic. It’s almost enough to make me stop cruising the locker room.

Adam Lehman Superstar


I would like to congratulate my friend, and Plus One alum, comedian Adam Lehman on making it to the second round of The Big Gay Sketch Show Casting contest!

Of course, he still has a lot more to do. And he needs all of our help. The competition lets us vote once a day, and every vote puts him closer to victory.

To help him get said votes, I filmed him doing a recent act, and interviewed him as well.

Check out the video below, and then vote for Adam! He brought you a week of laughter, now bring him on to Logo's The Big Gay Sketch Show.

xoJR



Did you vote yet?

Vote dammit!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Restaurant ThReeview

One of the perks of my job is the requirement to stay on top of trendy new restaurants opening in NYC.

Recently I checked out three.

First, my co-worker Lily and I went to Corton, a new venture from chef Paul Liebrandt in the heart of Tribeca. It has gotten good reviews, but I found it pretty over-priced. I don’t mind paying “New York prices” for good food once in a while, but it has to be really good.

This place seemed like every dish was the result of a strange science experiment. Odd ingredients put together, coupled with strange cooking methods – lots of foams and pastes – but not to the end of a delicious meal. Rather to the end of guests saying “That was … interesting.”

Oh, and they said one other thing, at least the table to the right of us, who were figuring out the check."The total should be four hundred and thirty three". There were three of them.

A frigid Wednesday night found my colleague Rocco and I exploring another of New York’s newest restaurants, La Fonda Del Sol. Located at 200 Park Ave and described as “in the Met Life building,” our biggest challenge was finding the place, which was actually located on Vanderbilt St at 44th, adjacent to Grand Central. But once inside things immediately got warmer. The space was nicely done, split between the large front room, which was clearly designed as a casual after-work lounge space for the commuter walk-ins that filled it, and the main dining room, separated by a glass wall that blocked out the bar noise almost completely, resulting in a comfortable atmosphere.

The food was exquisite! We started with cocktails, Rocco enjoying a vodka cocktail that looked fruity but had a surprising amount of kick from chili powder – a trend in drinks lately. I had a fantastic sangria. After we ordered we were treated to an amuse bouche from the chef, another trend I’m noticing in New York dining - beyond what one orders, tastes and bites are brought to the table to surprise and delight the diner.

Rather than appetizers, we ordered 3 of the many delicious-sounding tapas to share. The garlic shrimp were excellent, and the cheese croquettes were heavenly, but the short rib was to die for, simply melting in your mouth. The dishes all had well thought out combinations of flavors – unique, but not overdone.

Our main courses were equally fantastic. Rocco had lamb that was really delicious, crusted with a layer of pumpkin seed, and I had a filet minon that was cooked to perfection, and served with 3 sauces and a flavored salt that I couldn’t get enough of. Dessert was heavenly. And best of all, the check was very reasonable – not cheap, but certainly not outrageous. La Fonda Del Sol is well worth checking out if you are in midtown.

Finally, I had brunch with friends on Sunday at a new restaurant in Hell’s Kitchen called Braai, which serves South African cuisine. I was admittedly a bit skeptical, but the space was superbly decorated, bamboo and wood providing the required atmosphere.

The menu was indeed South African – most of the dishes has strange, unpronounceable names and some ingredients we didn’t recognize. However if you are in the mood for something unusual, it’s a menu worth experimenting with. (One dish pictured above.) It definitely offered something different, and the fairly inexpensive brunch includes unlimited passion fruit mimosas. The Hells Kitchen gays will be back for more of those you can be sure!

All the single mechanics!


"Two businessmen pull up to a mechanic..." sounds like the beginning of a joke.

In this case, it is. And the joke is a relatively passable performance of everyone's favorite Single Ladies!

Sure it's a bit late, months after the Beyonce fad (hell, one might say that the fad is now "Be-GONE-ce" ba dum bum!) but there's perfectly good reason. It probably took these guys months just to get the choreography down.

Job well done, guys!

Special thanks to Paulie... who refuses to be my Plus One, but has no problem working behind the scenes and sending me winners like this.

The Joke’s On Vous


It's not that I have a ton of bad dates... it’s just that I have very few good ones.

The thing is, it’s so easy to get me to like you. Here’s the secret: if you laugh at my jokes, you’re 50% there. Really, that’s all it takes – so why is it so difficult?

One time, a first date and I were sitting at a wine bar, enjoying wine and cheese on a spring evening.

"I'm going to Paris this summer," he was telling me.

"Wow," I said, "That's exciting."

"Yeah," he continued, "I'm going for a couple weeks, and then right after that I fly back and start work as a camp counselor. I'm in charge of forty 3rd-graders."

"Woah." I said. "So you're going from The Seine to Insane."


He looked at me. Wrinkled his brow. Squinted his eyes a bit. Perhaps caught the "wait for raucous laughter" look on my face and chuckled politely.


I sighed. He didn't get the joke. It would never work between us.

Ann Coulter is One CRAZY Bitch

Last night, I had the fortune to see Ann Coulter square off against Bill Maher at Radio City Music Hall. It was the first night of a national speaker series tour that will include, among other potentially explosive duels, Pillsbury Doughboy Karl Rove taking on Jack Skellington impersonator James Carville.

I went in hoping for a bloodbath. I wanted to see Bill Maher wittily take Ann down a few pegs only to have her tilt her head back, screech like a raptor, and tear off her own flesh, turning into the demon bat with 12 heads that we all know she actually is.

That didn't happen. But something else that I didn't expect did: I gained some respect for Ann Coulter.

First: allow me to apologize to her on behalf of my liberal brethren. There were some really douchey liberals in the audience last night. Cat calling "NICE LEGS, BITCH!" while their ugly, drunk girlfriends screamed and booed.

Really people? Come on. It's Ann versus Bill... whatever you have to yell at her will be better (and more humorously) covered by Bill. So shut your fucking mouth and go back to Tweeting about the end of the Republican party.

But, despite the tons of boos and hisses, Ann stood her ground. She appeared almost completely unphased by the momentous ocean of negativity. That was respect point number one.

Second: I give her credit for being legit. It is my feeling that most conservative windbags are fakes. They preach to the frothing choir of bible belt morons about abortion and evolution, knowing full well that they're full of shit. Why? So they can get votes and money. Their modus operandi.

But you know what? Miz Coulter don't play that way. Nuh uh. Listening to her try to disprove evolution, hearing her defend Dubya's presidency... it became clear that this woman is legitimately insane. She totally believes what she's saying. And yes, what she's saying is scary and ignorant as hell. But at least she's not a Holden-style Phony.

And props to Bill Maher, as well. That man is clearly a genius. He knows what's going on, and he couches really smart thinking in crude humor that gets his point across through the gaping, laughing holes in peoples' mouths. Some memorable one-liners:

“To start off, George Bush did a lot more blow than Obama ever did. Please don’t ruin the only thing I like about him.”

"Obama assuming the Presidency is like a hotel maid getting in the room after Led Zeppelin just left."

"You conservatives act like George Bush becames President on September 12th, 2001. Meanwhile, if that happened on Gore's watch, your next convention's theme would have been "Gore let 9/11 happen.""

"We have a President who quotes Voltaire! And know, Mr. Bush, that isn't a character from the Harry Potter novels."

Of course I expected this to be an interesting event, and it certainly will. Bill at one point called Coulter "Two-Day Ann" because it takes him two days to look up the facts she spouts and discover she made them up. You know, like this right here:



In the end it was a great night, and I really enjoyed it. I might buy a ticket for Rove v. Carville, because I anticipate a cage match to break out.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Rent To Known


There are a few things that all New Yorkers obsess about – and one of them is the cost of rent.

Check out MyApartmentMap.com, a fantastic website for the Rental-Curious.

Choose your (or your ideal) apartment type (Studio, 1 bedroom), and your neighborhood, based on a map. You can zoom as close as a quarter-mile, or cover all of Manhattan (or one of those other boroughs.) Then the site tells you rental prices, based on data collected in that area, and lets you view it in several easy-to-read charts, graphs and tables.

It’s an easy and fun way to feel really good – or really lousy – about what you’re paying in rent!

Do You Smell...

Okay, I often admit (shamefully) two things in my life.

One: Yes, I was born and raised on Long Island

Two: Yes, I do occasionally enjoy watching professional wrestling.

As a fan of professional wrestling, I grew up with many superstars, who much like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler - faded into anonymity and failure. I am proud to say that one wrestler in particular took his wrestling roots and turned it into a budding film career.

Sure, Dwayne Johnson (formerly known as The Rock) is mostly in bad movies, but he's actually quite a good (read: funny, energetic, enjoyable) performer! Don't believe me? Check out some of his hilarious work from this past Saturday.


First there's his monologue - a thoroughly gay (and completely awesome) performance (and did they just give him the vest Jake Gyllenhaal wore in his monologue??)


Don't make Obama angry... lest he turn into THE ROCK OBAMA


Pissed off Hawaiian dinner performers - the song is catchy!



Oh, and did you catch Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel's surprise SNL appearance? You should... she makes a sexy Jessica Rabbit

(and what's goin on there, JT? Why don't you just join the cast already - as you keep showing up anyway. And stop vamping for the camera. You got enough laughs doing your actual lines. xo.)

The Last of the Submissives


Reading through David's introduction post got me thinking about a conversational topic (and rant session) of me and a number of my friends recently: the disappearance of guys willing to bottom.

This wasn't an issue before I dated a guy for six months, but things seem to have changed between last summer and the end of this winter. When I left the single scene in August, the gay world (aka NYC) was flying high on the trend of versatility. Anyone who was anyone was willing to top, to bottom, to flip flop either which way. It was THE hot thing to do.

Anyone who was just one or the other was boring, uninventive, cowardly.

Since then, something changed.

Now everyone I've met is a top. Or an emotional bottom who will only give up the goods in a meaningful relationship.

WHAT HAPPENED?

In angered discussions with fellow tops, we have a few hypotheses:

1) All of the bottoms migrated elsewhere. They have left Manhattan. To survive now, tops will need to embark on a pilgrimage. Possibly to California where they are plentiful, platinum blonde, and naturally attracted to douchebag New Yorkers.

2) Last summer's versatility trend was just a phase. Now this one hurts. Is it possible that versatility was just a seasonal fad? Done away with like pogs and snap bracelets and beanie babies? Maybe all of those versatile guys were actually bottoms in a flip-flop cocoon, preparing to burst forth into the world as a total top.

3) This is a conspiracy. Now this would make an excellent movie. The bottoms of the world unite and decide to stop bottoming in an effort to force tops to respect them. Especially considering how recently I've been hearing that tops are referring to bottoms and treating them like they're less manly.

First of all, I have gone on the record saying that this is BULLSHIT. A bottom is more of a man than a top will ever be. You take that initial pain and keep going and then tell me you're a man, mmkay? I have an endless respect for them, and they are bigger men than I.

And if this is the case - that the bottoms are lashing out at we tops because of that whole "less man" thing, then I have to say that the tops deserve it, for being such total d-bags. Now we will shrivel up and die because of them. Maybe the tops who respect the sacrifice a bottom makes can go and find the tops that do not. String them up in the center of Times Square.

Perhaps we need to have a civil top war.

Perhaps I'll be the general.

Or perhaps I'm just so in need of release that I'm going insane...

David Top To Bottom


I could write an introductory post about myself – that I’m an Event Planner, that I’ve lived in New York for ten years, that I like to drink… but I find it’s much more interesting to get to know me through the stories I tell. (Check out my new blog, Manchattan, for more of those.)

Sometimes though, the best stories about me are told by other people. I’m doing a share on Fire Island this summer. I’ve only been once before, when I went for a weekend to stay with my friend John. This summer, I’m getting a house with him and some of his friends. Last week, the 7 house-mates to be all met at G for cocktails and introductions. As the night went on, and John drank more, he began making predictions about our upcoming summer. He soon got to predictions about me.

“THIS one,” he cried, gesturing toward me, “this one will be causing all KINDS of trouble!”

“I will not!” I defended myself, not wanting to make a bad impression on my new friends. “Why would you say that?”

“Please!” John said, “Remember last year??” I gritted my teeth as he began telling a story to the rest of the group. “We go out on Saturday night, and David comes storming back to the house at 6am.”

“I wasn’t ‘storming’,” I muttered.

“He wakes everyone up, ranting and raving,” John continued. I gave him an evil look. It didn’t even slow him down, as he started imitating me in a loud voice. “‘I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE IT! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!’”

“I don’t talk like that,” I scolded.

“‘OY! I DON’T BELIEVE IT! OY! OYYYYYY!’” John mimicked.

I glared. I do say oy a lot.

John went on. “We were like, ‘David, what happened?’ and he’s all upset – ‘OY! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! I CAN’T BELIEVE… THAT I WAS JUST IN A FIVE-SOME, AND NOBODY WANTED TO BOTTOM!!!!’”

The house-mates all looked at me.

“Well,” I shrugged, “I mean c’mon – five gay guys hook up on Fire Island and none of them are bottoms? You have to admit that’s a little odd…”

They all burst out laughing. John shook his head. “All KINDS of trouble.”

Re-Meet David!

Okay, so I had the weekend to get over my shotgun marriage and divorce, and I think all is well. I will miss Carla, but clearly I was never meant to be a straight man (I really thought I was!)

So what's the best way to get back into the swing of things? Well, why not welcome back a Justin Plus One alumnus - a fabulous gay man from Hell's Kitchen and a great friend, drinking buddy, and fellow twink connoisseur.

Ladies and gents, please say a happy hello to David, who makes his first return to the blog since his initial tenure in December of 2008.

I'm happy to have him back, and looking forward to a week full of cocktails, boys, and ridiculous stories.


My Name:

David

My Location:
Hell’s Kitchen, Manhattan

My Last J+1 Residency:
December 8, 2008

My Site/ Sites:
Manchattan blog

Facebook

My Best Post from last time:
The Great L-O Swap

My Worst Post from last time:
Close Shave

Why I came back to Justin Plus One:
Because I loved it so much it inspired me to start a blog of my own!

What I might blog about this time:
Boys, cocktails, sex, restaurants, dates, parties and life – all in New York City.

What’s happened to me since the last time I blogged:
I started a blog of my own! Check out Manchattan.

One More Last Word:
My own blog tends to be longer stories, journal-style, of my life. J+1 is a great opportunity for me to (TRY to) keep it short and sweet: thoughts, ideas, quips and the occasional rant – but not so long-winded. Wish me – and you – luck!

Friday, March 6, 2009

An Open Letter to Justin - Farewell My Darling

*Sigh*

You have accurately detected my unhappiness in our union. I admit I'm having second and third and fourth thoughts about the nature of our relationship, its validity and our chance for long-term happiness.

I've enjoyed every moment of our whirlwind courtship, engagement, wedding and week as co-blogging newlyweds, but I fear the sun is setting on us.

I ask you to release me; I can longer be your Plus One.

You will forever have a special place in my heart. I can only hope that you will look back on our time together with fond affection. Perhaps in the spring our love will bloom again and I can return as your Plus One.

I dedicate this song to you.

Addio il mio amore.
xo



PS: In the time it took you to watch this, I divorced you on Facebook. See ya later, sucker.

An Open Letter to Carla

My Wife,

What has been going on today? This week has been one of the happiest of my life. But this morning, when you logged on and made that post... you just seemed - out of it? In a weird mood? I don't know. But it worries me.

Is everything okay? Are you having cold feet? Second thoughts?

I mean, I know we got engaged just two weeks ago, and married on Monday. But this is true love, isn't it!? We have so much in common - our love of Lady Gaga, we both get our mani-pedis at the same place (something nails... I always forget the first part of the name), and we both have Hugh Jackman as the number one spot in the "five people I can sleep with and you can't get angry" list.

Is it that the blog is too small for the both of us? I've had other Plus Ones here before, and they seemed to like it fine. But when they left on Fridays, I expected it. I welcomed it.

I know, I'm probably just being paranoid. Ha! Ha! Oh man, this happens ALL the time. I'm overthinking things. It has been a stressful week for you. Right? Everything's cool? I'm sure it is.

Forever your doting husband (except on Wednesday nights when I go play "poker" with my "buddies from the fraternity" ... I have no idea why I put those in quotes).

xoJR

Storytelling

I've recently found myself attracted to storytelling. Whether it's actively listening to those around me tell stories of experiences far from own, or observing a performance, storytelling connects us to one another in an intimate way. While the scenarios and details may be different, the same themes arise: hope, fear, love, embarrassment, anger, sadness, joy...

Here are two outlets for storytelling that I am thoroughly enjoying. The first is the NYTimes series, One in 8 Million - New York Characters in Sound and Images.

"New York is a city of characters. On the subway and in its streets, in the intensity of Midtown to intimacy of neighborhood blocks, is a 305-square-mile parade of people with something to say. This is a collection of a few of their passions and problems, relationships and routines, vocations and obsessions. A new story will be added weekly."

The stories here are diverse, captivating and so quintessentially New York. I love them and think they have been edited and produced beautifully.

Joel Karp: The Corner Druggist is one of my favorites.






If you are looking for some live storytelling, I highly recommend The Moth.



"The Moth, a not-for-profit storytelling organization, was founded in New York in 1997 by poet and novelist George Dawes Green, who wanted to recreate in New York the feeling of sultry summer evenings on his native St. Simon's Island, Georgia, where he and a small circle of friends would gather to spin spellbinding tales on his friend Wanda's porch. After moving to New York, George missed the sense of connection he had felt sharing stories with his friends back home, and he decided to invite a few friends over to his New York apartment to tell and hear stories. Thus the first "Moth" evening took place in his living room. Word of these captivating story nights quickly spread, and The Moth moved to bigger venues in New York. Today, The Moth conducts six ongoing programs and has brought more than 3,000 live stories to over 100,000 audience members."



I recently attended a Moth Mainstage event, one of the curated shows, and was laughing and crying with the rest of the audience. You can also get podcasts of the best stories since The Moth's inception here.

It is a fantastically cathartic experience to connect with others through the intimacy of storytelling. Your heart flutters and expands and you deeply feel what it means to be human.

Feels good.


Nickelodeon FLASH BACK!


When I sent around yesterday's posted video of the sleepwalking dog, my cousin and recurring Plus One Kristin said it reminded her of a cartoon called "Dog Brain."

Do you remember Dog Brain? In the heyday of Nick Jr. on Nickelodeon, they would play little mini-cartoons between their standard programming. There were only a few of them, which they played over and over. And there seemed to be no sense to when they were aired (or there may have been but I was too young and dumb to realize).

All I remember is watching them over and over again to the point where I can close my eyes and REMEMBER THEM FRAME FOR FRAME.

The second she mentioned Dog Brain, we immediately attacked YouTube in search of as many of these Nickelodeon toons as we could find. And guess what? We found a bunch!

Go ahead and watch them, and let the memories come FLOODING BACK IN.


The Cat Came Back


The Killing of an Egg


Fast Food


Squeak and Scratch


Grace


Dog Brain

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Pulse Art Fair

Today I had the chance to stop by the VIP Private Preview (thanks to my friend Defne) of the Pulse Contemporary Art Fair.

In its fourth year, Pulse is NYC's largest art fair dedicated to contemporary art.

I found the show to be manageable in terms of size (just getting warmed up for the frenzy that will be the Armory Show) and utterly walkable.

The work of Montreal based artist, Adad Hannah, caught my eye. He primarily works with video and photography and two of his recent projects All is Vanity and Prado Project are on view at Pulse. Hannah strips video of movement and sound, video's basic elements. Upon first glance they read as photographs, but closer inspection reveals people "frozen" in action. I was personally drawn to the Prado series because they incorporated and played off of other famous works like Velazquez's Las Meninas and because the Prado happens to be one of my favorite museums.



Check out the show if you have a chance!

Visitor Details
March 5-8
Pier 40, 353 West Street at West Houston
$20 for general admission
$15 for students/seniors.

Poor Poochy!


I'm not one to laugh at the misfortune of others.

Okay, yes I am.

So you can imagine how much I laughed at the video of this dog called "Sleepwalking Fail"

Courtesy of Fail Blog, which my darling wife introduced me to (it's actually for this reason that I married her!)

EPIC FAIL

Live television has all sorts of potential for hilarity. During a segment on the Nancy Grace show about the Duke University rape scandal, reporter Clark Goldband provided the audience with comedic gold.

REPORTER FAIL


I think this next clip is even MORE embarrassing. The poor fellow can't karate chop a coconut to save his life, dignity or reputation.

COCONUT FAIL!

Recessionary Logo-a-Go-Go

Regular reader Sharon sent along a great email the other day that I just had to share. The subject was:

NEW 2009 LOGOS DUE TO THE FINANCIAL CRISIS

And may I please take a second to once again praise graphic designers. I've never known so many in my life. They're a wonderful group of humans who, in their free time, do some of the funniest shit I've ever seen.

So here we go. Some of our favorite companies, and their new 2009 Recession Logos:















Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Guilty Wife Presents Gilt Groupe


Today I've been completely remiss in my Plus One blogging duties. That's what happens when the wifey works....

So in order to redeem myself, I wanted to share a website close to my heart, Gilt Groupe.

Gilt Groupe provides access, by invitation only to Men's, Women's and Children's coveted fashion and luxury brands at prices up to 70% off retail. Imagine daily sales of Marc by Marc Jacobs, DVF, Jack Spade, John Varvatos, Pour le Victoire - well you get the picture.



As I mentioned it is invitation only. For those that are interested in joining this AMAZING fashion community, leave a comment and I'll get back to you. In full disclosure, I hope you do want to join because each peep that does AND purchases something entitles me to a $25.00 credit - which makes both me and the old ball and chain happy.

Cheers,
C

25 Things Some Hot Guy Hates About Facebook


I am proud to say I am one of the surviving humans who never bothered to do that 25 things about me Facebook thing. I refused to, and I stuck to my guns. And now, thankfully, the world has moved on to mass-tagging those big images with the characters from South Park or the old "Little Miss/ Little Mister" children's books.

And I won't be doing that either.

Well, while I was merely annoyed by the 25 things list, some guy was smart enough to capitalize on it. His name is Julian Smith, and his video is called "25 Things I Hate About Facebook".

This video is funny, but god damn is Julian Smith hot or WHAT? His male supporting cast is pretty good looking too.

Okay, I'm not that shallow (well, yes I am). But forget about how hot Mr. Smith is. This video is funny because it's true (think Seinfeldian). It's nothing you haven't said before, but isn't it fun to laugh at something because it rings so damn true?

Plus, Julian Smith is really, really hot. I'm totally going to add him on Facebook in hopes that he'll marry me. Or I'll just poke him over and over again.

He may hate Facebook, but he's gonna love me.

xoJR

Signs of our Times

Every once in a while in my fair city, I see a sign that I just need to share. Either because of terrible spelling, strange subject matter, or any other number of reasons.

Here are two of them.

Feel free to submit, post, or regale us with any you've seen recently.


Outside of the bathroom of a gay bar in the East Village


The window of a diner in Astoria.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Signs of the Apocalypse 12: Pizza even I wouldn't EAT???

A few months ago, I had another beautiful blonde woman with me on this blog (don't be jealous, Carla - she was just a girlfriend from a very very long time ago!)

During her tenure, Plus One Becky Bain invented a daily post: Thanks, Japan! Wherein she posted a different, odd, quirky, hilarious Japanese video every day. One day she posted this hilarious commercial for a Japanese pizza chain called Pizza-La:



Well today I went Googling for this video (yes, because I was too lazy to search for it here, I mean there's so much shit on this blog!) To share with another former Plus One, Adam Lehman (don't worry Carla, he's a man! I'm married to you, a woman!)

What I came up with, besides the video, was something even more horrifying - the english language site for Pizza-La. Now, I'm all for pizza "supported by fresh toppings" but some of these pies... well... I'll leave them for you to see. Suffice it to say, I doubt these things would even make it onto This Is Why You Are Fat.

Here are some of the "specials" offered if you live in Hokkaido:






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