Austin: It's Time to Fast Forward

What a cursed lot we are, Justin! You get work woes and go MIA yesterday. I get so caught up with work and other bureaucratic B.S. that I don’t post till now. Our day jobs are killing us softly. This has got to stop.

Since I am now taking a much advised-against break to write this post, I thought it would be nice to discuss some alternate career paths that you and I can embark on together, Justin. And yes, of course they would be together. Since I never see you any more, I only have this blog to make love to you. So I can only imagine our future being together in some form or fashion.

So here we go.

Underground Blog Hackers
From deep in their lair, Justin and Austin get corporate sponsorship to hack on to popular blogs and write about their products are services. This goes on much to the chagrin of the online community. All of the companies involved deny and involvement in the scheme, but do not deny the lucrative business generated by these e-attacks. The hacking business continues to thrive until there is a moral dispute over using their underground company to promote PETA. Justin is all for the money that will be gained from this venture, but Austin, being a firm believer in animal enslavement and torture, refuses to comply. The two split up after this heated argument. Neither dare to continue the business solo out of fear the other will turn him in to the authorities.

Running a Shelter for Runaway Gays
After New York legalized gay marriage (it’s gonna happen), swarms of young gay boys from across the country flee to New York to escape the violation of their civil rights. Seeing a need for a home for these boys, Justin and Austin invest all their JustinPlusOne money to buy a large townhouse in the West Village (yeah, there’s THAT much money). Opening the Buchelms Shelter for Wayward Gays, Justin and Austin give these boys a place to settle into the city while they find employment and other housing. This continues for decades until a mini-epidemic of herpes spreads among the boys staying in the home. The outbreak is traced back to Patient Zero—Justin Buchbinder. The shelter is revealed for what it always was… a cleverly disguised brothel with Justin being it’s only client.

International Homo Event Planners
Starting with their promoting ventures in the years before the 2010s, Austin and Justin grow and expand their parties to the attention of New York and then the WORLD. Pretty soon, the two are in demand—flying back and forth from Tokyo to Milan to London and back creating and hosting fabulous events on every continent (yes, even Antarctica). Well into their 80s, Justin and Austin continue their business until the unfortunate demise of Lady Gaga. Gaga, who by this time has dominated the musical charts and become a sort of empress of her own empire (oh, and partially cyborg), was touring to promote her 5th revival of The Fame called The Fame Forever. However, an up-and-coming pretender to the throne by the name of Senorita Kuku, wired Gaga’s microphone to fry her robotic circuitry. Justin and Austin, so upset by the death of their icon, retired from the business. Kuku, by the way, was arrested and subsequently assassinated by the gay judge who presided over the trial.

So that’s all I have so far, J. I guess they all end pretty tragically… but it’s better than a noose in my cubicle.