Ladies and gentlemen, we have crossed a threshold and it's time for us to put a stop to it. No, I'm not talking about technology, which Plus One Austin scared me away from in his very Isaac Asimov-ian post.But no, I'm talking about Single Ladies. For some reason, Disney has decided to sacrifice Joe Jonas to the frothing gay community, throwing him in a tight set of spandex and having him perform Beyonce's way overplayed single.
I'm sorry, the only person who can continue doing Single Ladies is Shane Mercado. And only at Splash when he is in tiny undies. He created the Single Ladies YouTube fad, so he can keep doing it til he's old and using a walker to crouch on his knees.
Everyone else? It's time for a moratorium. Let's find a new dance we can all embarrass ourselves to. Maybe it's time to go the way of the Sweet 16 or the Bar Mitzvah, and bring back the "Cotton-Eyed Joe" or the "Electric Slide". I am sure there are tons of obese girls who will struggle around to pull that off, too.
I mean, of course Joe can't be THAT gay - they made sure to choreograph him awkwardly - creating a thoroughly uncomfortable 4 minutes of video footage. In fact, I could only bear 2 minutes of it.
I also want to know why the crazy girls that love the Brothers Jonas wanted Joe in spandex dancing to Single Ladies. Maybe because like in their real lives, all the cute guys they date and/or pine for are actually gay, and so this feels right to them.
One last thing: can someone please tell me Joe's actual age? I want to know if I should feel guilty for thinking he looks fantastic in that get-up.
xoJR
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