I’m doing it – I’m admitting I was wrong. About, of all things, Facebook.
During my last Plus One, I wrote a post about how I was anti-facebook, and mentioned about how it literally made people mad that I didn’t have an account. This came to a head one day when a co-worker of mine, Lily, got so upset that I wasn’t on Facebook, she decided to create an account for me. She created it, wrote descriptions of me, uploaded some pictures she had of me, her and our colleagues. Then it started to backfire. I sent her a couple pictures to post. Then a couple lines of description. Then I started getting friend requests... which she forwarded on to me via email. The next thing we knew, she was my full-on Facebook Personal Assistant. And still is. She sends me daily updates, invitations and friend requests, I sit at my desk like a dictator and bark out “Approve! Decline! REJECT!” It’s pretty brilliant.
Before I get to the David was Wrong part, indulge me in a few lines of David was Right. Facebook is annoying, just as I predicted. 80% of the updates are stupid and inane – no one cares that your banana was half green and half brown. People need to stop throwing lawn chairs, gorillas and the Chrysler building at me – if I’m gonna get Super-Poked, it better be by a hot boy with a big schlong. And most annoying: I do NOT want to be “friends” with those annoying losers from college and *high school* who found me god knows how (if you’re on facebook just searching names of your classmates from 10 years ago: get a life). We weren’t friends then, and I have no interest in you now.
And yet... I was wrong. Wrong to resist it for so long. Wrong to think I would have no use for Facebook. Because I do have a use for it, and that use – is hot boys. Since joining Facebook, I have hooked up with 3 different boys (all very cute) and constantly flirt with scores of others. One of those three was a guy I’d slept with before and lost track of, one was someone I’d met years ago but who had a boyfriend at the time, and one was someone I met at a party and “facebooked” the next day, just like all the kids are doing. None of them would have ended up in my bed were it not for this website.
And so now, with the help of some shirtless pictures, I regularly use Facebook in the manner it was intended: as the new gay hookup site. If you’re a cute gay boy, feel free to Friend me. My Facebook Personal Assistant may even approve you.
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