Oprah Takes a Break from the Buffet to Speak Out against Overachievers. "Nam, Nam, Nam!"

Aside from her obvious compulsion to fellate eclairs and a thin veneer of actually still caring about being a heifer, Oprah Winfrey is the antithesis of underachiever. Racist, clueless publicity whore, yes. Underachiever, no.

Yet, in, "Why her friends refuse to attend her parties," an article that's actually more gratifying when you draw your own conclusions about the title without actually reading this rotting piece of trash, Oprah.com contributor Lisa Kogan suggests that her friends can't stand to be around her because her perfectionism annoys them.

Here are the Story Highlights included on the page (by the way, if your half page article needs Cliff's Notes, burn it):

-Columnist Lisa Kogan attempts to throw a holiday party
-Friends, boyfriend tell Kogan she is a terrible hostess and refuse to come
-Kogan realizes she is too much of a perfectionist to relax and have fun
-Kogan's boyfriend invites couple over for spur of the moment dinner.

The last bullet suggests this woman wouldn't know a climax if she had tectonic plates on her clitoris.

Fact: Perfectionism is only annoying to losers. We can always do better. Kogan's advice is borderline irresponsible and most definitely super-sensitive Kathy-comic nonsense (Oh my god, Kathy's fat and single like Oprah! I sense a pattern). Perfectionism should inspire us all to surpass expectations, realistic or not (but don't be a sadist that constantly shoots the moon -- then everyone will hate you).

By constantly improving as a whole, we can raise the baseline standard for success, hopefully weed out the slower, weaker, dumber in order to have a shot at actually saving this planet from being overrun by hypocritical, insipid, bitchy bloggers (Don't look at me, I just work here).

It's legal, ethical eugenics (see: Free Gift With Purchase).

If you don't agree, you don't really count anyway since you obviously live in a state America will be forced to sell to Mexico to pay for the War you started in Iraq. Oh, and you'll die of Cholera cause you can't afford health care.