Oh Nein -- Tip 5:

Following the year of superlatives including "THE most important Presidential election ever," "the WORST financial crisis in American history," and a (fond) farwell to, "THE BIGGEST IDIOT EVER ELECTED TO PUBLIC OFFICE," (sadly, top prize here is really a matter of opinion), consider curbing the intensity level of your personal news in 2009.

With the shit hitting the fan the way it is, few people have the energy for or interest in, "THE most annoying woman at the supermarket," "the slowest subway ride EVER," or "the WORST commerical you have ever seen IN YOUR LIFE." If you still think your friends might want to know, click here.

Likewise, a bounty of over-enthusiastic high notes will eventually be dismissed as flakey, melo-dramatic or just plain irritating. No one wants to hear about, "the FRESHEST, JUCIEST blueberries you've ever tasted." Just shut up and bake us a pie.

Consider the significance you assign to each piece of personal folklore and note that it speaks volumes about your priorities and understanding of and appreciation of something greater than yourself.

It's said that good writers are allowed a total of five exclamation points ever. Apply this to your storytelling and proceed with care.

Less is More. If that simply CAN'T work for you, consider therapy or a high school education.