Two Parents, One Cup.

Well, I finally did it.

I had “the Talk” with my parents.

(No…not that one.)

The “Politics ‘08” talk. An unnecessary but strangely compelling evil. The "Two Girls, One Cup" of parental chit-chats. You know you SHOULDN'T click on it. No good can come of it. You are better off without knowing. But yet you can't help yourself.

(Aside: actually, I never watched that video. I was one of the early people to receive a link to it, before it was common knowledge what was in the video. But my instincts told me I didn't want to see it. "What is it?" I asked the intern who had sent it to me. "Just click it," she said. Which affirmed it. "No, not until you tell me what it is." So she told me. "Yeeeeah I don't think I'm gonna watch that..." I said, and I never did, even as in the next few days the video went crazy Ebola viral. See, in some respects, I actually know what's good for me.)

But not in the “who did you vote for?” discussion that I’ve been afraid to bring up with my parents, because I already knew the answer. I held off until after the election because I knew I’d be slightly less outraged by the results if Obama had already won. (But only slightly.) It's a good thing I did.

My parents aren’t super-conservative, but they are Republican. This is mainly because they own a small business, and not because they are evangelical Christian white Supremacists. My dad is an atheist actually, but he doesn’t really care about the rest of the world or, you know, the planet at large. Definitely not green. My parents recently took a cruise around the East Coast of the United States and Canada, which stopped near New York City. Neither of my parents have ever seen Manhattan, but rather than explore what is considered pretty much the most famous and exciting city in the world – and certainly in our country – they decided to just go home. I’m used to my parents keeping their world view sort of – how should I say – limited, but I really had to bite my tongue when I heard that one. It’s one thing to never GO to New York (bad enough, right?) – but to already BE there, and not even take a day trip into Manhattan? Unthinkable.

Yes, my parents are amongst the majority in this country who voted for Bush TWICE (well, four times if you count his father). And thus I know better than to ever talk to them about politics, because I’m not going to change their minds, and I’ll only get frustrated.

This year, I had to ask, though. I held out a little hope that they might have voted for Obama. He’s so charismatic! And McCain is so…NOT charismatic. I could see my mom liking Obama, the handsome well-spoken family man. I could sort of see her, at least, getting swept up in the wave of optimism and change his campaign sent over this country like a tsunami (I say tsunami because it really only reached the coasts, leaving the heartland unaffected). (I was pretty sure my dad would do no such thing.) I have to wonder how all those who voted for Bush and now hate him are justifying the vote for McCain. Haven’t you people seen that your votes are WRONG?? Were the last 8 years not proof enough? Ah well…bygones.

Alas, no. I asked my mother if she has "any thoughts on the election,” which was a less accusatory way of saying, “YOU VOTED FOR MCCAIN, DIDN’T YOU, YOU FOOLISH GIRL??” Her reply surprised me...

...But not in a pleasant way. “I voted Republican - even though I can’t stand John McCain.”

Now I had fully prepared myself to hear that both of my parents had voted this way – they’ve never NOT voted Republican – but to hear that she voted for someone she “can’t stand”?! Oh, the ire! She went on: “In a way, I’m glad Obama won, because I really like him…” She said it’s the first time in her life she’s ever been tempted to vote for a Democrat. That she think he’ll do good things for this country, and that she’s afraid he’ll be shot and hope they have extra security for him. And his daughters are cute. And she is worried about the business taxes. And therein lies the rub. See, in the political world of my parents, as far as I can tell, taxes on businesses are the ONLY thing that matters. If Hitler was resurrected and ran for office with the platform that he was turning Yellowstone into a concentration camp, they’d probably vote for him as long as it made financial sense.

They hadn’t heard about Proposition 8 either, so the hysteria we’ve been experiencing in Los Angeles – and most gay people in the country have been keeping tabs on – is apparently not as pervasive and widespread as I thought.

On the plus side, at least she’s happy Obama won. Hopefully, a lot of Republican voters secretly feel that way. Once everyone calms down, I think most will find that they like him as a President. (I guess it’s a little early to call it, since at this point, anything could happen once he’s in office. Maybe we’ll all hate him. But I’m thinking positive.)

My parents are good people, and pretty open-minded about most things. They typify the average American, in both good and bad ways. I can’t be angry with them about their political ideas, even if they do irritate me. I should know better than to ever ask who they voted for again.

Except in 2012, assuming that Obama does a bang-up job as POTUS, I’m going to have to ask. Because by then maybe they’ll have changed their minds.