Gettin Blotto on the Lotto

I have a gambling problem. A huge one, really. From my days as a youth at a family resort every summer where I would spend my lunch money on the lotto scratch-off vending machine, I have played consistently and often to my detriment.

When I grew old enough to play in Atlantic City, play I did... and lost over 2,000 dollars. Granted I only spent 500 and won the other 1500 I lost, it's certainly an issue when you don't know when to STEP AWAY FROM THE SLOT MACHINE.

For many years, though, I have kept this problem under control. I've only been to Atlantic City twice (yes, I lost a lot that second time too.) I have avoided the siren song of the lotto cards hanging like candy at every bodega I stop at for a drink.

But this new game from the New York State Lotto is going to be my undoing. The premise is simple: you have a pig's shot in a barbecue festival at winning 1 million dollars every year for the rest of your life.

My thoughts:

1. What would I do if I won? That's not really a problem any more, I've figured it out.
2. How can NY Lotto continue to pay you forever? My guess is they hire a contract killer after your sixth year so it doesn't seem like a scandal, and more like bad luck to the tune of Alanis Morisette's Ironic (Mr. Play it Safe was afraid to scratch?)
3. THIS SHIT IS THIRTY DOLLARS A TICKET! I remember back when all you had to buy was a 1 or 2 dollar card. Then the holidays rolled around a year ago and they came out with the 10 dollar super lotto cards.

But this 30 dollar pricetag is insane. Thirty dollars on a piece of paper! I could buy it, scratch and win nothing (or that godawful joke "$1" win... which is more a punch in the eye than a slap in the face when you've just sunk 30 bucks). And then instead of being out 1 or 2 dollars, I've just wasted a potential dinner and movie.

But then again... I find myself thinking "maybe I should withdraw 3,000 bucks from the bank and buy 100 tickets." YES it is a lot of money... but what is $3,000 in the face of a potential million every year until the NY Lotto sends out their contract killer?

I know how this will end. I will force myself to buy just one of these tickets in the next month. I will not win, and will be pissed that I just wasted 30 bucks on a useless piece of scratch cardboard.

...but what if I win?

xoJR