Al: Your Video is Gay

My favorite pastime is reading the comment section of You Tube videos— mostly because it is an example of ethics gone awry. There is some definite garbage uploaded to cyberspace, fair enough. However, the anonymity of the internet, presents a problem to moral growth.

Personal reward orientation is a factor in deciding if things are ok or not. Amongst primary-school classmates, one might begin to understand that social intelligence begets amity. Those who fail to realize the value of camaraderie, eventually fall into line via punishment and then obedience (hopefully).

At a certain point, the aggregate of our experiences is what solidifies our persona. Typically, we covet what we see (Thanks, Bible and Hannibal Lecter). If Johnny sees someone who has a nice hat, he will want to assimilate the hat into his fashion repertoire. The same goes for our moral compass. Our surroundings have many moral hats. For example, good boy vs. bad boy or law abiding vs. not law abiding— whatever the choice— there are consequences.

Interestingly enough, there is science that shows differences between male and female moral development. Males value independence (there is an evolutionary explanation, but it is lengthy and I prefer not to bore you), autonomy, and conceptions of fairness. Females value communication (talking, not necessarily coherence), reciprocity, and see conflict as an unnecessary breakdown of communication. There is a critique of this assessment (See Carol Gilligan).

Conflicts create great learning experiences (despite what the female brain “feels”). Amongst the living, disagreements are usually settled. When it comes to the World Wide Web there is no resolution. This is because the internet provides us with a secret identity; one can take vile positions without justification. Little Johnny can criticize videos as queer, gay, stupid or retarded. Sadly, such cowardice goes unchecked, since the forum is detached from what is real.

Is there a solution to this predicament? No. One cannot be engaged through a comment section, as it takes willing participation. As a society we are inundated with announcements that advise against illegally downloading music, movies and games. In certain states, there are cyber bullying laws. Evidently, there is no PSA concerning how we react to what we dislike. In fact, empty statements are encouraged. As a result, we are a global community of beasts.

Below you will find a video of consequences personified through Charlie and his brother.

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Justin: MEEP You!

Now this is a story for the funny files. Passed on to me by co-worker Mark, it looks like a school has banned the use of the word "meep!"

No, not like Roadrunner. More like Beaker the muppet. You know, the crazy-haired partner-in-crime of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew.

Video proof below:



And this video is actually pretty close to what the principal of a Massachusetts high school is afraid of...

Principal Thomas Murray of Danvers High said he told students they would be suspended for saying "meep," a favorite utterance of lab assistant Beaker from "The Muppet Show," because students were using it to disrupt school and it was part of a massive disruption being planned by students on Facebook, The Salem (Mass.) News reported Tuesday.

Murray did not disclose details of the Facebook-related disruption, but he credited phone calls he made to homes with preventing it from coming to pass. The phone messages threatened non-compliant students with suspensions.

Just imagine. Hundreds of students roaming the halls making meeping noises. It's as close to the mooing protest from Rent as you'll ever get.

Too bad he threatened suspension. Maybe another school's student population can take up the banner and fight for their right to make puppet noises. I vote for Mr. Magoo's laugh:

Al: Notes from the Vegan Underground

With the exception of certain humans, all animals are pretty much mindless and filthy. I hate being confused for an environmentalist or an animal lover, as I am neither. Recycling is fun, only because it satisfies my compulsion for cleanliness and organization (In reality, recycling is costly and inefficient). Additionally, coal energy has lots of long-term benefits, don’t believe me? Read some research on the properties of particle matter. I am a vegan because animals are disgusting as food, and as pets. It is true, the human body is designed to eat some meat, but I am choosing to evolve.

Years ago, when I was a smaller version of myself, my parents thought it would be great if seven-year-old Al visited the Italian countryside. My summer was spent watching winemaking, slaughtering and insect killing. I liked the wine part; however, I didn’t understand the carnage portion of my tour. Peasants would show me bunnies, let me touch them, and then slaughter the darn things. They would kill bugs on the basis of proximity. Why not open a door? I didn’t get it. The experience left me confused, and since then, I have never shed a tear. One thing was for certain, I was forever changed.

As a teenager I took a soft stance on animal liberation, meaning, I made my position known— if asked. Three years ago, as I was boarding a train for Boston, someone handed me a pamphlet regarding abandoned pig adoption. Quite simply, it was a sanctuary for the neglected and abused hogs of the world (curiously, the caretakers looked surprisingly plump in their photos). What caught my attention was a challenge; daring meat eaters to try one vegan meal per week, and if it was satisfying, try two days. It is exactly what I did. The experience was amazing, and I was officially done with animal products (including leather and cleaning goods).

My position is not one of sympathy, even though the process to extract meat is barbaric. Life deserves to be free of constraints; this includes everything with a central nervous system. There are degrees of sentience, but any degree warrants autonomy. Over the summer, my brother went on a trip and asked me to watch his dog. I agreed. Dogs are stupid, filthy, needy and overtly obnoxious. Domestication only removes wild behavior. Animals still need to be stimulated in certain ways, and can’t in an apartment with a grouchy neo-conservative. I attempted to take the dog to a park. This is where I met pet owners, and this group can be described as elitist Neanderthals. They kept asking me if the dog was a rescue, I didn’t care or know. Apparently it matters, because when you adopt it doesn’t cause kids to see a doggie and ask mommy for one. Yeah, right. Dogs only like you because you feed them! There is no difference between a kennel and a puppy mill, the two work together and push animal slaves into the arms of people who need a hobby.

If there is anything to learn from this rant, it is one thing. People with pets are complete turds.

Al: Submissive Peek-a-boo Seeks Hot Action

It is official. There is no way I can reveal my true identity. You can thank Justin's last post (really, I would be ostracized). Top or Bottom? I'm not completely ignorant about the sexual dynamic of homosexual relationships. Nevertheless, I can still offer some rational analysis.

The human brain learns via analogy, we associate and then process. So, I can relate to Justin's sexual conundrum, through the experience of a friend's encounter with a girl who covered her eyes during sex. One day I was sharing a vegan burrito with kids from my hood (Williamsburg), and a teenager was bragging about his current exploits. He paused and nervously mentioned that his current girl didn’t do anything during sex, she just covered her eyes and laid still. Being the mentor that I am, I concluded that it was likely that this girl was molested and had issues with coital activity. My little friend was amazed with my quick breakdown. He texted his piece, and of course, I was right.

Ok, if the abovementioned girl had been part of the gay community, would she get a brand? What would this girl be labeled, a submissive peek-a-boo? A prerequisite for sex is having the necessary parts and being able to consent. Someone who enjoys urine for sexual release is not healthy; there is an underlying emotional issue. Ms. Peek-a-boo shouldn’t create a group on Facebook, she should seek professional help. As should our friend who requires urine.

Moving on to May-december romances. It is common and is a result of the basic psychological need to suppress the young from overtaking the old. The sexual act is meant to conquer (See Freud and his interpretation of Greek mythology, namely Zeus and Cronos).

To conclude, I am going to whine about the cheap shot aimed at Fox News. There isn’t anything that differentiates Fox from any other cable news network, other than the ostensible conservative slant. Rival networks are merely marching to a different tune, yet the bias remains. It is a problem, but jokes should be designed to combat the entertainment component of news, not political ties. There is one network that has no favoritism, CSPAN— the end.

Justin: Getting to the Bottom of Bottoms

Are you a bottom? If not, do you wonder how some of them may think? Or if you are, do you wonder how other bottoms think?

Meet Scott and Maxime. Their video blog, The View from the Bottom features cocktail sipping as well as a thorough tackling of the important issues including:

1. Golden showers

2. Sleeping with older guys

3. Body hair (Maxime apparently had his face lasered)

4. And why the new President of Iran is a sexual fantasy

Setting gay men back? Pushing them boldly forward? Doing both and turning it into a sexy dance of progression and regression of our social group?

I report, you decide. (But for real, not like Fox News does.)

I'll say this, though. I think I liked this better when it was a podcast called Manchattan (which is now a FABULOUS blog by my boy DJ Cala).

Al: Give Peace a Chance

Greetings! It is day two and I have yet to receive a complaint. I guess children aren’t a top priority. Personally, I think it would be best to bake them in pies.

Yeah, today I’d like to discuss the orthodoxies among the partitioned American public, in particular, the practice of the auto-de-fé. Often we find ourselves in situations where we must take an opposing view. A rational response to opposition is to listen and correct any factual errors. Conversely, many are vengeful reactionaries. Impromptu debates turn into a Maury paternity test result. It is terribly disconcerting to watch discourse degrade into an ad hominem attack.

Group behavior is dictated by a cardinal rule; if you are different, you are wrong. Neo-Nazis, Latin Kings, Bloods, Crypts, and mom’s book club, all operate under the regulation of authoritarian similarity. One group may seem more outwardly violent, but even the most innocent-looking faction can unleash pitiless retribution (that is, without physical force). Sadly, public hangings/burnings have been a staple among those unwilling to accept deviation. Nowadays, we aren’t given the literal death forum of yore, so the masses turn to the metaphorical auto-de-fé. Commonly, laymen will place blame on religiosity, but surely this is not the case, given that western religion is laden with declarations on the subject of the importance of individuality.

If we are to accept that someone is absolutely wrong by dint of the truth, as defined by what can be referenced (legitimacy is key), we cannot rebut with a circus of emotions. Irrational behavior begets irrational behavior. The route that we should take is one that doesn’t skewer the soul of our fellow man. And we must also be willing to accept that cherished ideas can be shattered. If wisdom is sought, it can be found in a book and through research, not through the evisceration of someone’s moral fiber.

Accordingly, I’d like to end this post with a video from classic SNL. Maybe the next time you find yourself ready to react with harshness, you can respond like the characters below.

Peace!

Al: Bill O'Reilly Exclusive!

Thankfully Justin brought this blog back to its roots (he also referenced The Simpsons, which gets me all tingly)— with news concerning the lovely Britney Spears. I saw his post as I was contemplating my next entry. Ms. Spears is talented, but she still remains a victim of parental neglect. Recently I have been reveling in the quality programming that Teen Nick offers, specifically, Degrassi. The drama was originally produced by a Canadian teacher and random kids. Without this show, I don’t know how I would sleep at night. This is because the teenagers depicted are acting out the fantasies of adult writers. It isn’t real, because if it was, I’d be inclined to plug my ears. Accordingly, this brings us to the subject of this post, are kids the future? And is it better that they are programmed by people who are interesting?

Bill O'Reilly tells us that kids are Americans too; it is an astute and correct statement, as long as children meet the requirements of citizenship. However, being a kid is nothing to brag about. Most aren’t very clean, organized or even slightly intelligent (I don’t care if grandma insists that little Billy is precocious). There are multiple developmental theories; most agree that formal operation begins at around age eleven. This is an important age, because the brain becomes capable of comprehending and establishing the ideological. Culture has an impact on the concreteness of proto philosophies. Single-parent households tend to facilitate closed mindedness by means of coddling and failing to correct or question irrational behavior (ex. Kevin Federline). Quite simply, if mommy thinks everything is acceptable, the mind will follow. This isn’t just behavior, but literal conception.

Let’s be real, kids don’t originate from some island in the Caribbean (insert posthumous Michael Jackson joke) — they are a product of upbringing. And most do a really bad job with raising children. I mean, the majority of adolescents can’t even operate their Sidekicks or iphones properly. To boot, for a generation inundated with technology, they are overwhelmingly computer illiterate.

When it comes to the future, I’m a bit of an idealist. It would be so great to speak with kids that could comprehend multiple disciplines, while being able to interact like civil human beings. But most conversations involve sound effects and using prepositions as verbs (laughably, so does Suze Orman). As a result, I can only envision children as depicted in the video below; otherwise I’d throw myself off of a bridge.

Justin: A Dingo Ate My Britney

It looks like the girl who could do no wrong (or who we keep forgiving, despite all the wrong she does) is now in trouble with an entire country. Now, whereas Bart Simpson pissed off all of Australia with a handful of prank calls, Britney is in a hot vat of dingos for something involving the ABSENCE OF her voice.

Via The Consumerist and The Age:
Various people in the country of Australia are upset at Britney Spears for lip syncing — and feel that it is dishonest for the pop star not to disclose that sometimes she's just mouthing along while she dances. Last week, NSW Fair Trading Minister Virginia Judge proposed that disclaimers be printed on tickets and promotional material to inform consumers if a concert would be pre-recorded and mimed. Victorian Consumer Affairs Minister Tony Robinson said if concert promoters misrepresented whether an artist was performing live or was miming, they could be in breach of the Fair Trading Act.

To be fair, Britney's spokesperson quickly came to her defense by, in essence, saying "hey fuckos, welcome to reality... since when did you think Britney actually SINGS during her concerts?"

"It's been all over the internet for nine months," Dainty said. 'The inference is that we tried to hide this. It's been the opposite.

"This show is about an incredible spectacle, which it is," he said.

I have to agree with Britney's folks here. Gays don't go to Britney's show to hear her sing. They go to see her try to dance and be surrounded by circus freaks who CAN dance. Also, sometimes, they hope they'll hear her say something about her vagina.

And let's be plain here. I don't think there's anyone besides Aussies who will look at their ticket stub, see the lip syncing warning, and faint from the vapors.

That's like seeing "May be fall-down drunk" on a Dave Matthews ticket, or "May be kinda gay" on an Adam Lambert ticket.

Get over it, Australia!

What's even sadder is that Brit-Brit is apparently very sad that the Aussies are pissed.

Great. Now she'll probably go into a shame spiral and we'll be seeing her drunk and without panties again when she returns to the states.

Al: You are Lisa Simpson

Terror, thy name is Al. In addition; my current task involves blogging for Justin Plus One. Let’s hope the doorman in the sky has not retired the guest list for the night. And hopefully this week will go without incident, but who am I kidding? I am the crown prince of confrontation.

I don’t know where it all started; maybe it was city life that transmogrified me into such an outlier. Perhaps therapy will resolve my many issues with the human race, until then, all I can do is engage the world in discourse. Of course, the intent of this post is to construct an idea of who I am, a task that is burdensome in view of the expected truncated prose. Any naivety should be defenestrated; blogs are unique and quite different from books, magazines or newspapers. There is an attachment to the ethereal, coupled with a news feed of vapid pop culture. If anything killed objectivity in journalism, it was the proliferation of anonymous nom de nets. There isn’t a critical judgment on my part, though; an obvious qualitative difference is plain as the nose on your face (my apologies to the readers without a nose).

So, you may be asking yourself, why would someone who questions the quality of blog writing, take the time to contribute to one? Well, the answer is somewhat simple. I blame it on Socrates (like I do with most things in life) and his legendary snobbery. If you happen to read the Dialogues of Plato— you will come across a Dialogue involving the use of Rhetoric. The primary antagonist is flaunting his ability to sway audiences with what he believes to be the quickest route to influence and power. Socrates interjects and asserts that Rhetoric is the art of swindling the ignorant about the justice or injustice of an issue, without conveying any real knowledge. Moreover, it harms the world by making the worse appear the better argument and permitting the guilty to go free. Truly, this is the finest analysis of Socrates’ life. Oh, this is the only instance where Socrates and I come into agreement. He was right, but his intellect had no room for pessimism. Media are unreservedly persuasive; the function is not to reveal truths, but to frame ideas. This is unchangeable. Now, there is a glimmer of hope, that is, we can take what is considered the most insipid constructions and contrast it with real truth and art. A baseball game can be watched on its merits, but then must be placed in the context of worldly efforts. The same goes for watching a movie about shape-shifting automobiles, and then seeking great film. Content, no matter the quality, is always useful to some degree.

What does the aforementioned have to do with me? In my particular circumstance, at least, professionally, my task is to understand and edit according to standards. Here I can reveal what things are and why. Beyond doubt, a liberating experience. Anyway, my future posts will have less personal philosophy and deal with various subjects, while interacting with Justin.

Peace!

P.S. I can be abrupt.

Meet Al Gore!

Hello Plus One folks!

I hope you had a wonderful weekend. Nature blessed NYC with unseasonably wonderful weather, and I took full advantage of it by holing myself up at a Starbucks where I wrote 16,000 words in a span of two days. Why? Because I have a ton of free time. Why that? Because Boyfriend Joe is visiting family and attending a wedding in California. He is missed. But at least I'm being productive.

This week's Plus One is sure to be exciting. Why? Because I have NO IDEA who he is. He appeared in the comments section a few weeks ago. I noticed he had strong opinions, and wrote very well (especially considering how he spent a lot of his comments telling me about my poor grammar.)

He goes by the name Al Gore, and unless it is our former VP taking a break from his upcoming book tour, I have no frigging idea who he is.

So, with an ecstatic hesitance, I introduce you to Al Gore, and welcome you to another week on Justin Plus One!


My Name:
Albert Gore

My Location:
Asmara, Eritrea (Go Timberwolves!)

My Site/ Sites:
Twitter

What I might post about:
Teleology, Epistemology, Miley Cyrus, Physics, Human Behavior, Semiotics, Pedagogy, Sociology/Anthropology and the Jonas Brothers

What I love:
Individualism, Fecundity, Books, Mirrors, Geopolitics, Skinny Blondes, Crowds (not sports fans), Nightlife and Four-Slot Toasters

What I hate:
Collectivism, People Who Don’t Own Toasters, Good Intentions, Jazz, Cruel Intentions (the movie), Naomi Klein, Fat Kids and the Internet

My Last Word:
I live by a Karl Popper creed: “Whenever a theory appears to you as the only possible one, take this as a sign that you have neither understood the theory nor the problem which it was intended to solve”

Lukas: The Advocate comes Out

While Justin was busy covering the closing of his favorite source of childhood pornography, some other, more relevant to us news came out: The Advocate is going away. That's right: just as Hillary now works for Barack, the stalwart of gay media mags is losing it autonomy and becoming an insert to its sister magazine, Out. (There's a pun there.)

In a way, it makes sense. The need for a euphemistic title has waned in the last decade (at this point, if you can find a straight person reading The Advocate, they'd probably be fine reading Out too), and more importantly, the internet is killing print. Not entirely, but it's no secret that us gays are early adopters, and there's nothing we've taken to better than the internet (manhunt, anyone?). So while Conde Nast has to axe it's magazines, newspapers hemorrhage money, it is logical to see a gay publication experience the worst of this shift in habit. I don't read magazines, and I hardly read newspapers. The internet is my sole source of information, and I suspect it is the same for you.

So really, I suppose it's time to say farewell. Goodbye, Advocate, thanks for the good times in my high school library looking at skanky ads targeted as yours truly, thanks for reminding us that there's still a fight to fight. You may be gone, but our struggle to find the hottest men that will pose for us continues.

Justin: Improv Everywhere does ANOTHER musical!

It seems like just yesterday I was talking about Improv Everywhere's grocery store musical. Well, I'm guessing they've found their niche, because they are putting out these random, spontaneous musicals at a steady, almost frantic clip!

This week we have I Love Lunch! The Musical. Making this the THIRD musical they've done about food. I wonder why they don't have other topics to sing about. But hey, not like I mind much. I often say that I wish life were a musical, and Improv Everywhere is working to make that happen.

I just hope someday I'll be lucky enough to end up somewhere they are singing. Sure you may say "Hey Justin the chances of that are slim-to-none."

And to you I would say, "if my boyfriend and I can somehow end up sitting NEXT TO my most recent ex-boyfriend at a play (it really happened! wtf!), then the chances of me crashing into an Improv Everywhere performance are really not THAT far-fetched."